


Until The End Of Time

by alnima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Love Triangles, M/M, Side Lilo - Freeform, Tiny bit of sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 60,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall Horan has always been in love with Harry. And things are perfect until Niall meets Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know or own anyone. This work is my own and it is not featured on any other site, nor does anyone have my permission to repost it in its entirety. Thank you!!!

Niall checks the clock hanging against the wall in his Shakespearean Literature class for the twentieth time. He huffs out a breath when he sees that the clock hasn’t moved since the last time he looked. Niall loved literature, hell Niall even loved Shakespeare, but what he did not love was watching his 63-year-old teacher stomping across the podium with a girl in the class as they reenacted Romeo and Juliet’s suicide.

He knew he was being critical. Normally he could tolerate being stuck in the classroom, laughing with his classmates at his teacher’s antics with the rest of his class. But in a few hours he had a chemistry exam and he knew if he didn’t make it to the library to study he’d actually fail and end up taking chemistry again next semester. Niall would never admit to anyone that this was his third time taking the class since he'd been in university.

When Niall’s teacher pushes the girl to the floor, to help show her the true dramatics of dying for love, he was shaken from his thoughts. He watched as the girl groaned on the floor and stared daggers at the teacher. The teacher sighed and dismissed the class muttering how weak this generation is. Niall shot out of his seat running straight out of the classroom. He carelessly threw his bag over his shoulder as he ran making his way towards the library located on the other side of campus.

He slowed his running to a walk when he neared the library. He walked in and brought himself over to his favorite table: the secluded one in the corner that was closed off from the rest of the building. He tossed his bag onto the table and carefully retrieved his chemistry book along with his notebook.

He was an hour into his studying when he felt a pair of arms wrapping around his neck followed by a face tucking itself into his neck as well, “so this is where you’ve been hiding.”

“I’m not hiding Haz, I’m trying to study. My chemistry exam is today and I really need to focus.” He groaned as Harry bit the soft skin below his ear before sliding into the chair next to him.

Harry had been Niall’s boyfriend since he had started school; it had been nearly three years and he couldn’t picture his life without the other boy. They had met during orientation and Niall found himself instantly attracted to Harry’s charismatic nature as he carelessly laughed at all of Niall’s jokes. Two weeks after meeting and Harry had asked Niall to be his boyfriend, who accepted.

Niall watched as Harry closed his chemistry book and frowned at his boyfriend, “you stayed up all night studying for this. You’re going to do fine babe, don’t worry.”

“Harry you don’t know this. I’ve got a C in that class. I can’t afford to let it drop. I’m finally at a point of passing.”

“I know and I’m so proud of you.” Harry reached out and ran his fingers along Niall’s cheek. Slowly trickling his fingers along the constellation of freckles that lined Niall’s cheekbones. “Louis says that he misses you dearly and wants to know if we’re going to join him for dinner back at home or if he has to figure out what to eat on his own.”

Niall laughed before quickly pressing a kiss to the palm of Harry’s hand, “yeah I think we can manage dinner in tonight. I’m broke as fuck right now. The coffee shop hasn’t paid me and I’ve already spent my tips from my last shift.”

Harry rolled his eyes at his boyfriend, “you’re so romantic with your language. I’m incredibly happy I chose an English major to love.”

“I’m not into poetry Haz or anything used to capture people’s hearts. I’m a sports journalist. If you’d like me to woo you with different sports terminology I can.”

“I know dear, that’s why I love you.” Harry patted Niall’s cheek before standing up. “I’ll let you get back to work, babe. Just missed you and wanted to see you.” He bent down blowing a raspberry onto Niall’s cheek before skipping out of the library.

Niall watched him go with a fond look on his face. When he could no longer see Harry’s curls bouncing along as he skipped he turned back to his chemistry notebook.

~

Niall throws the door of his apartment open, the one he shares with Harry and his best friend Louis, and collapses onto the floor right in front of the door. He lies there for several minutes before he hears Louis’ voice. “Uh, Ni? What are you doing? Are you alright?”

Niall mumbles into the carpet about how he’s exhausted and he just spent all his energy on his chemistry exam. He knows Louis can’t understand a word he’s saying but he also knows that Louis isn’t the type of friend to question anything Niall does. Instead he hears as Louis walks closer to him before he feels Louis weight on top of him.

“It’s not really that comfortable down here, is this a new thing? I don’t know if I can get into this.” Louis reaches his head down to bite the back of Niall’s neck.

“Ugh get off me I can’t breathe.” Niall moans as he carefully rolls out from under Louis. “You’re heavy as shit man.”

“Wow thanks for the compliment there.”

Niall hears a banging sound in the kitchen followed Harry muttering the word ‘shit’. He and Louis laugh to themselves rolling around on the floor dramatically. Niall glances up at the sound of someone clearing their throat and smiles widely when he sees Harry standing in front of him wearing a light green apron and holding a spoon in his hand dripping of pasta sauce, “do I want to know why you two are rolling around on the floor?”

Niall goes to answer but stops himself when Louis does it for him, “we’re doing an interpretive dance where we have lost our arms and legs and have decided to become earth worms.” He ends his statement with a gargling, gagging noise that is meant to be his imitation of a worm. 

Harry looks at him before shaking his head and wandering back into the kitchen. Niall watches him go before lifting himself off of the ground and making his way back into his bedroom.

The apartment had originally belonged to both him and Louis. There was enough space for the two of them since they hadn’t liked living on campus. It wasn’t very large but it had two separate bedrooms and that’s all they were worried about. On Niall and Harry’s second anniversary they decided to let Harry move in with them and he burrowed himself deeper into Niall’s life by taking up half of his own private room.

When he got to his bedroom he opened the door and kicked it closed behind him and he made his way towards the attached bathroom stripping himself of his clothes as he made his way into the other room. He reached into the shower and turned the water on quickly adjusting the temperature before stepping in. He stood under the water letting the hot water cascade down his body relaxing the tense muscles in his back.

He doesn’t know how long he’s standing there, lost in his thoughts, when he hears the bathroom door open. “Babe? Is everything okay?”

Harry’s voice startles Niall from his thoughts. He shakes his head before shouting over the sound of water, “uh yeah just give me a minute almost done.”

When Niall steps out of the shower Harry is sat at the end of their bed looking at him intently, “do you wanna talk about what’s on your mind?”

Niall ignored Harry’s question as he slipped into a new set of clothes before crawling onto the bed next to Harry, “nothings on my mind. It’s just been a long day. Chemistry is kicking my ass. I’ve got a massive packet I need to sort out for math and then I need to finish my paper for my 19th century literature class.” Niall finishes with a pout as he rolls into Harry’s side.

Harry nods thoughtfully as he wraps his arms around the smaller boy, “I see.” He reaches his hand out and runs his fingers through Niall’s hair brushing the dyed blonde off Niall’s forehead. “Now how about you tell me what’s really bothering you. Because no offense babe but you’ve never exactly been one to care about your coursework all that much.”

“It’s almost summer break.” Niall says. Harry hums in response letting Niall know he’s listening, even though his eyes have closed while he runs his hand gently up and down Niall’s back. “Summer break means that I’m going home. And you’re also going home. But we’re not going to be together in the same place. It means there’s only two more months until we’re separated.” Niall pouts as curls further into Harry. “What am I gonna do?”

Harry sighs and quickly shoves Niall over so he can roll on top of him. He braces himself with both hands pressed in the bed next to Niall’s head. “Niall,” he pauses to turn Niall’s head so they’re looking into each other’s eyes, “we spent last summer apart as well. Nothing’s going to change. You go home and work for the newspaper. I go home and work for my dad. It’s been the same since we’ve been together. Why are you upset?”

“I don’t wanna spend the summer alone with Louis again." 

Niall watches as Harry laughs, dropping his head down into his own shoulder while still trying to keep his weight off of Niall’s body. “Would it make you feel better to know I’ve already planned a vacation where I’m coming to see you?” He lifts his head up and smiles at Niall: who has thrown his arms around Harry’s body, crushing him in a hug.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” He chants over and over again pressing kisses to every part of Harry he can reach. They finally break apart to the sound of someone clearing their throat.

“As cute as that may be dinner has been ready for twenty minutes. Harry here was supposed to tell you that but obviously he told you something else.” Louis rolls his eyes before jumping onto of the two other boys. “I really like the human stacking we’ve been doing tonight. I was unsure about it before when it was just Niall and I but with Harry included it's really something great.”

“Uh yeah it’s great but you two weigh as much as a fucking cow so you can you get your fat asses off of me?” Niall groans as he tries to shove Harry and Louis off of him.

When they finally roll off Niall lays there and watches as Harry and Louis engage in a minor tickle fight before Louis skips out of the room shouting if they don’t get into the dining room now he’s going to throw their food away. Harry looks back over at Niall and smiles. Niall hesitates smiling back remembering the conversation they had before Louis had entered the room. He slowly gets out of bed and makes his way towards the dining room.

Before he can leave their bedroom Harry grabs his arm forcing him to turn around. “Hey,” he whispers as he encloses into Niall’s space wrapping his arms around his neck, “don’t be upset about it. Summer’s only months away and I promise we’ll make the most of it and I’ll help you with your school work and we’ll see each other over summer.” When Niall continued to frown Harry nudges his cheek with his nose. “Stop with the frowns Horan.”

Niall laughs and kisses Harry’s chin, “I know sorry just don’t like being away from you is all.”

“Niall nothing could get rid me, okay? Don’t worry.”

They hear Louis shout from the other room how in ten seconds he’s going to throw their food away. They let him reach four before they enter.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall tosses a bag of chips at Louis who is sitting across from him with wide eyes and a pout on his face in hopes he won’t have to pay for his own meal but instead he’ll get a hand out from his friend. He whoops in delight to know he got his way, again, and began munching on the chips.

Niall glares at him from over his cheeseburger and rolls his eyes when Louis starts drinking from his coke. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” He asked skeptically.

“Ugh, god, you’re worse than my mother.” Louis groans. “Obviously I’m supposed to be in class but I can’t be bothered with going so I’m here.” 

Niall sighs as he lifts his hat off head to run his fingers through his hair, “Louis, you can’t keep skipping classes. I can’t explain to your mom why you’re doing it like I did last semester. She was furious at me. At me and I went to all my classes.” He readjusts the hat back onto his head and asks, “so why aren’t you going now? What happened?" 

He watched as friend chewed through his bottom lip and ran his hand across the top of the table trying to figure out the best way to answer. Niall could see in Louis’ eyes that something was bothering him. He could see the way his eyes squinted with his head slightly tilted to the side that Louis had expected this issue to be so hard for him.

So Niall was surprised when Louis finally did speak. “Do you know Liam Payne?” Louis kept his gaze on the table.

“Star athlete: captain of the soccer team, the one that I play for. The one that is probably the nicest guy in the entire school. Oh and let’s not forget the fact we have the exact same major and we’re in almost all of the same classes. Yeah I know him, why?”

Louis bit his lip even harder, “it’s just um something might have happened between us.”

“Like what?” Niall asked as he took another bite of his burger. He cared about his friend and his qualms but he only had twenty more minutes to finish eating before his journalism class started.

“Like that party I went to this weekend. Well Liam was there and I think he might have been drunk? No he was really drunk like I’ve never seen him that drunk before and he was kind of stumbling all over the place but like I was super drunk too and I just remember falling into him on accident and he caught me. And so we went upstairs to that Tom kids room, you know the one I hate?” When Niall nodded he continued, “well we went into Tom’s room and well so basically I think we might have fucked? I don’t know. But I woke up and he was on the other side of the room putting his clothes back on and then he left." 

Niall sat with his mouth gaped open staring at Louis who had finally managed the courage to look up at Niall; he was frowning and Niall could see the rims of his eyes were swelling with unshed tears. Niall couldn’t believe that Liam Payne would do this. Liam ‘I’ll save your grandma from a burning building then help a cat deliver kittens and look hot doing it’ Payne would leave someone after a night of sex. Alone and lying there wondering what happened to them.

“So wait, Liam had sex with you and then left? He fucking took advantage of you and then left you there alone? In someone else’s bed? No—he no—Louis dammit he better be happy he’s not in my next class because if he was I’d walk right in there and shove my pen up his nose. And then obviously I’d have to run right out of there because he’s huge. Have you seen his muscles? He could pick me up and fling me across the room.” Niall stopped when he noticed Louis crest fallen face. “No, shit, Lou sorry. This isn’t about me. Okay, god, I’m so sorry. But why does this mean you can’t go to class?” Niall asked confused on why a drunken hook up was an excuse to ditch school.

Louis sighed, “well the one class you don’t have with Liam, I do. Liam’s in my next class and I can’t,” he paused taken a deep breath, “I can’t go in there and know that he woke up and saw me and decided he didn’t want to be there when I woke up even to tell me ‘hey this was fun but I don’t want to do it again’. He couldn’t even do that. I just don’t want to go in there and have him laugh at me.”

“Do you uh”, Niall swallowed the lump in his throat. The last time he had seen Louis so upset was when Harry had first moved in and Louis was worried he would lose his place in Niall’s life. Seeing this look on his best friends face and knowing that he was going through doubts about himself and questioning himself broke Niall down to his very core. Louis was and always would be his best friend, his number one, no boyfriend would change that; Harry knew that if the time ever came Louis would be chosen over him. “Do you uh do you like Liam? Do you have feelings for him?” Niall finished and watched as Louis shoulders sagged.

Louis shrugged, “probably for about six months but I mean he’s Liam like everyone loves him and I’m just me.”

“No, fuck Louis. No. You’re fifty times better than any Liam fucking Payne do you understand?”

“We can’t all just stumble upon our Prince Charming like you did.” Louis mumbled so quietly that Niall nearly missed it.

Niall got up from his side of the table and marched around it and flung himself onto Louis and held onto him as tight as he could. He sat there and held onto his friend until he knew he was crushing Louis’ legs. He pulled away from the embrace to talk, “listen we’re gonna work on getting you Liam, got it? And don’t tell me no. I won’t listen to it. I have to go to class now but when I see you later I don’t want any of this. None of this.” He waved his arm in the air indicating towards the tension and sadness that followed Louis around. “Alright?”

Louis nodded as he got up from the table. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, “yeah yeah that’s fine. But listen tell your boyfriend he’s cooking dinner tonight or he’s moving out got it?” He winked at Niall to let him know he was only kidding about the second half.

~~

It was after seven when Niall finally got home from school and studying at the library. His book bag was weighing into his shoulders and breathed out a sign of relief when he finally got it off and tossed it onto the floor. All of the lights of their apartment were out but he could hear Harry was giggling back towards their bedroom.

He quietly dragged himself down the hall as he felt the weight of his day slowly seeping into his body and manifesting itself into exhaustion. He pushed his bedroom door up as he tripped over one, what he could only assume, of Louis’ shoes.

Sprawled across his bed was Harry with a small calico kitten curled into his chest. Niall could hear the purrs radiating around the room. He stood frozen and watched as every so often Harry reach his hand out and tickled the kitten who would wake up and swat lazily at Harry’s fingers before rolling over and going back to sleep.

“Why-um why is there-Haz what is a cat doing in our bed?” Niall stuttered out and watched as Harry’s eyes grew wide as he slowly sat up.

Harry smiled sheepishly before speaking, “surprise?”

“Surprise? What do you mean surprise?”

“Well I uh bought her for you. I saw her in the window of the pet store and I thought she looked just like you. So I had to bring her home. Niall she sleeps in a window. She needs a soft bed… so um well surprise?”

Niall stared and watched as Harry chewed on his lower lip as he took careful strides towards the bed. He knelt next to the bed so he was eye level with the little kitten that had opened her eyes to show Niall the bright blue hidden before. He reached a tentative hand out and gently stroked behind its ears and smiled when she purred and pushed her head deeper into his hand. He picked her up and held her against his chest and sighed deeply. “Okay so what are we going to call her?”

Harry’s face light up with glee as he hopped off the bed and sat down next to Niall, “well if you look closely you’ll see that on her collar I have already named her.” He reached out and clasped his hand around the small silver pendant hanging from her next and turned it towards Niall who saw engraved into the surface was: “Daisy Horan?” He questioned.

Harry nodded and spoke proudly, “it’s your favorite flower and well she’s yours. I bought her for you so she gets your last name.”

“I can’t believe you bought a kitten. Does Louis know? He’s gonna freak out.”

Harry smiled even wider, “actually Louis is out buying all of her essentials for, as he called her, his little niece.”

~~

Niall groans as Harry tugs on his wrist guiding him through the different booths. Their school had set up a raffle of sorts to help raise money for the different clubs and student groups. Their school isn’t poor but towards the end of every school year it sets up the fair forcing students to interact with each other. Niall hadn’t wanted to go but since the soccer team had a booth. Harry had said for the benefit of school spirit he at least make an appearance.

Harry shoved him down in a chair at a table where Louis was sat staring off into the distance. Niall turned around and rolled his eyes when he saw none other than Liam Payne standing inside the booth selling pies and Niall couldn’t help but laugh at the thought that the track team was out selling dessert.

“Um Lou mate you might want to wipe the drool off your chin.” Louis broke out his trance and swatted his hand at Niall who had reached out to wipe his chin for him.

“I am not drooling. I was just looking around trying to see what all is going on.”

Harry slide into the chair next to Niall with three plates stacked high with hot dogs and popcorn and soda, “got a bit of everything from the soccer team but why is Louis drooling? Are you hungry? I brought food. Here take some.” He pushed a plate across the table and ushered Louis to start eating.

Louis gave Niall a look signifying that he didn’t want Harry to know anything about what had happened with Liam.

Niall nodded before turning towards Harry, “babeeeee.” He whined carrying out the word. “Go and win me one of those goldfish. Daisy needs a little brother.”

~~

“I can’t believe you couldn’t even throw a ball in a bowl. That’s all you had to do and we’d have a son. But no you couldn’t even do that.” Niall snickered into the pillow at Harry’s inability to do anything remotely athletic.

The air was knocked out of Niall’s lungs when Harry jumped on top of him and pinned him to the mattress. “You’re such a pain, you know that right?” Niall giggled as he reached up and licked Harry’s cheek. “Oh god, don’t do that.” Harry let go of Niall’s right arm to wipe away the stripe of saliva on his cheek. “We don’t need a fish. I purposely dodged that game up so that way I’d lose. Daisy is a cat, she’ll eat that fish and then you’ll be heart broken.”

“Ugh well right now I’m about to be rib broken if you don’t get off me. You’re crushing me. How much pie did you have?” Niall shoved Harry off of him who simply grinned at him.

Harry reached over and licked Niall’s cheeked as he giggled madly. He turned over and shut the light off. He reached his arm out behind him and grabbed onto Niall and pulled on his arm until he could feel Niall’s back pressed flush against his. 

“Night fatty.” Niall murmured into Harry’s ear before reaching around again and licking his boyfriends cheek in retaliation.


	3. Chapter 3

“Louis you can’t be here.” Niall groans as he sets the coffee down in front of his friend. “You know my boss isn’t your biggest fan. Please.”

Louis rolls his eyes and takes a careful sip of his drink, “Niall I really don’t appreciate being treated like a criminal. I am recovering from a traumatic experience and I need best friend time.” He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair to show that he’s not leaving. He knows if he sets his feet on the table Niall will have an aneurism so he refrains. 

“I get it. It’s hard for you right now with your crush ditching you after having his way with you but what about Harry. Can’t you go and play with him right now?”

“No I can’t go and play with your boyfriend. We’re not seven anymore. And besides he’s off with his little chemistry club playing with animals.”

“It’s biology club and they’re not playing with animals they’re dissecting them…I think? Or wait is tonight the night he’s at tennis practice?”

“Doesn’t matter because either way I’m staying here and I’m not leaving.”

Just when Niall is about to open his mouth and beg Louis to please leave before his boss gets angry with him he hears his boss shout his name. He freezes and gives Louis the best face he can manage that he hopes conveys 'please get out before I kill you without alarming any of the other customers'.

“Horan, what is he doing here? Didn’t I tell you we didn’t want your friend here anymore after last time?” Last time Louis had come to visit Niall he had accidentally knocked over the muffin display causing not only a gigantic mess. Instead of helping pick them up he had tripped over his own feet as he tried to run away from the scene spilling his coffee all over the manager of the coffee shop. Niall had sworn that it was because of midterms and that his friend was just having a bad day because of lack of sleep but his boss wasn’t hearing any of it.

“Um yeah it’s just you see I didn’t know he was coming. He just showed up and Aiden said to bring this coffee to table six so I brought it over here and he was sitting here, but we’ve talked and he promises that he’s going to sit right here and he will not move until the end of my shift. Isn't that right Louis?” Niall turns his attention away from his boss and glares at Louis who huffs and nods his head sending a sickeningly sweet smile towards the other two.

Niall’s boss nods before giving him a warning glare to say she’s not happy with this but she’ll let it go as long as Louis plays it safe. When she’s out of ear shot Louis speaks, “god she’s a bitch. You should really get another job. Don’t you work for the newspaper doing interviews? You should make that full time instead of doing two part times. Don’t you think?” He smiles at Niall as he takes a lick of the whip cream at the top of his drink.

~~

The last hour of Niall’s shift his boss allows him to play his music for the patrons. It’s eight in the evening and most of them are middle aged or students from his school trying to catch a break from their studies. He hasn’t been playing gigs here for very long, if you could call them that, but he likes that they give him the chance to practice playing his guitar in a setting where he gets paid.

There are two things he loves most sports and music. Before he started university he had a hard time deciding which field he wanted to enter but he knew deep down that he wasn’t good enough for any professional sports. Yeah he plays on his schools soccer team but it’s mostly for the love of the game. He can’t get enough of playing the guitar but he worries it’s not realistic enough and that he has to think about a future plan that won’t leave him broke. He settled for sports journalism. Documenting the games he loves to watch and settled for sharing his love of the guitar with people who don’t seem to pay any attention to him. That's how he got to perform for the small coffee shop he worked for. 

He doesn’t mind. Really he doesn’t. Because sometimes when he’s strumming the notes and he can feel the beat of the song coursing though his veins he looks up and sees his two favorite people sitting in the back of the coffee shop swaying to his songs and smiley big dopey smiles at him.

Tonight’s no different.

Harry never visits Niall during his shifts. He doesn't want him to lose focus on his job or get him in trouble like Louis doesn’t seem to mind doing. But, every shift just as the clock strikes eight and Niall is taking off his apron and replacing it with his guitar the curly haired boy comes to watch him play.

Niall can feel the melody floating through the air and he hopes that Harry knows it’s the song he wrote for him. He lifts his eyes up and scans the room and finds Louis and Harry sitting in the back. Louis is swaying dramatically and Niall can tell that he’s putting words to the music. He locks eyes with Harry who is staring at him like he created the Earth.

And Harry knows it's their song.

~~

Later that night when he’s sprawled across the couch wrapped in a quilt his mom made for him, with his head resting in Harry’s lap, he pretends to be asleep. Harry is carding his fingers through Niall’s hair and humming a song, their song, while he and Louis finish watching a movie.

“School’s ending in three weeks what are you two going to do?” He can hear Louis asking. For moment Harry’s fingers still in his hair before moving again, “I mean Niall and you both go home every summer but have you thought about getting together?" 

“I mean obviously I have. It’s just about finding the time that works for us both. Even if we can’t see each other we’ll be okay. We’ll always be okay.”

Niall knows that if he had his eyes open he could see Harry looking down at him and smiling fondly while Louis rolls his eyes in the background. He can feel the familiar ache in his chest at the thought of them separating but he can’t help but feel his heart rate pick up at the fact that Harry said they’ll always be okay. He can hear the finality in his words that no matter what they’ll always be together. 

He hears Louis mutter he’s going to bed and Harry’s agreement. He closes his eyes tightly and hopes that Harry will carry him to bed. It’s easier than walking and Harry’s strong enough to manage the extra weight.

He tries not to laugh when Harry picks him up and groans at Niall’s weight. He tries his best to go limp in the other’s arms. When they get to their bedroom Harry kicks the door closed behind him and places Niall on top of the bed. It’s several minutes before Niall is joined again.

“So how much longer are you gonna fake sleep?” Harry asks and Niall finds himself breaking off into a fit of giggles as he rolls over on top of Harry.

“I don’t know. When did you realize I was awake?" 

Harry pretends to think about it before answering. “Probably about the same time you couldn’t stop smiling when I hauled you off the couch. I think I pulled a muscle in my back.”

Niall nods thoughtfully as he drops his face to the crook of Harry’s neck, “I heard what you said to Louis.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Nothing just thought it was cute.” Niall says as he rubs his face against Harry’s neck. “You're just really cute. You know that?”

Harry nods, “yeah I was hoping it would impress Louis. You know I’ve always been after his heart.” 

Niall bites down into Harry’s neck and sucks on the skin deliberately hoping to leave a deep mark into his skin, “you’re an idiot sometimes.” He says when he finally pulls away and rubs his thumb across the mark. “A big giant idiot. But I think I kind of love you so I guess I’ll keep you.”

“Yeah? Only kind of?” Harry asks as he runs his hands down Niall’s sides.

“I mean it would be more but your love affair with my best friend is keeping the love level low.”

“Well then what if I told you that it was all just a plan to keep you on your toes. I can’t have you getting bored of me.” He reaches up and places a gentle kiss on Niall’s chin. “Because I think I’m kind of in love with you too.”

Niall smiles as he traces the bird tattooed over his chest. “Well I guess if you kind of love me too then I can fully love you. Like one hundred percent love you.”

Harry wraps his arms around Niall’s thin waist and asks, “so does that mean you’re gonna keep me around or are you gonna get rid of me?”

Niall stops and stares into Harry’s eyes and thinks about it for a moment; he can see in Harry’s eyes that his pause to answer hasn’t affected him at all. That Harry knows no matter what they belong to each other. “Well yeah alright. I guess I’ll stick with you. Unless of course an upgrade comes around then I’m dropping you like a hot potato.”

Harry laughs and reaches up again. This time he drops a kiss onto Niall’s lips and smiles, “that’s good because this summer I was gonna run away with Louis and force him dye his hair blonde and play me songs across coffee shops. He’s not as small as you are but I’ll figure something out.” Niall reaches down and bites at Harry’s jugular and pouts at him until Harry kisses him again and says: 

“You know I’d keep you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Niall giggles as Harry pulls him down the sidewalk in town. Harry has been acting strange all morning and Niall knows it’s because he’s going to be treated to some kind of surprise. 

It’s three weeks until summer break. Three weeks until Niall has to go back home with Louis while Harry goes off and works for his father. And he’s sulking. He’s been whining to Harry everyday about how much he doesn’t want to spend time apart. He thinks that after three years together they should be able to spend a summer together, just once.

The beginning of every break Niall is a mess of nerves and anxiety because even though he knows Harry loves him and it’s only a couple months apart it doesn't stop him from knowing that Harry’s family hates him. It’s three solid months of his boyfriend living with people who are constantly telling him that Niall isn’t good enough and that he could do a lot better than Niall Horan. And Niall thinks that one day Harry is finally going to believe them and go.

So Niall sulks and whines for the entire month leading up to break in hopes that maybe Harry will change his mind and whisk Niall away to some place where they won’t have to be apart.

But instead Niall finds himself being drug into the local ice cream parlor at ten in the morning. He arches an eyebrow at Harry who is grinning at him and bouncing on the heels of his feet. “We’re getting ice cream for breakfast?”

Harry nods and drags Niall by the wrist towards the counter. But Harry shakes his head and grabs Niall again and this time drags him towards a table and says, “no this is a surprise so you sit here and be pretty while I decide what you’re eating.” He shoves Niall down into a chair and saunters back towards the counter.

When he comes back he got one hand holding both of their cones and the other holding his wallet. He plops down in the chair and holds the cones in front of Niall. “Okay do you want butter pecan and black cherry or pumpkin and chocolate?”

“First one.” Harry hands him the cream and pink colored cone and begins taking bites out of his own. “You’re gross.” When Harry gives him an odd look he continues, “You don’t bite into your ice cream. You lick it. You’re making my teeth hurt.”

Harry rolls his eyes and takes another large chunk off the top and laughs when Niall shudders and takes kitten licks off his own.

Despite his large appetite Niall finishes a solid five minutes after Harry does. They spend the duration of the meal taking licks and bites off each others food and with Harry finishing first he chatters away recounting to Niall the dream he had that night.

~~

Niall grips on to Harry’s hand tighter when they reach the science building. This is where they’ll branch off for the day. Harry has double microbiology followed by biochemistry which means Niall won’t get to see him until late.

As they walk Niall thinks about how he hates Harry’s major and their long hours and stupid classes with the stupid labs that keep them apart. He thinks how if he had taken a science course this year he could have burned the entire building down and maybe then could Harry join him in the English building where he spends all his time.

Niall tries to hide his emotions from Harry but he can tell from the side ways looks he’s receiving that he knows.

They stop in front of the building and Niall looks at the ground trying to count the cracks in the concrete. Harry grabs onto his face and forces Niall to look into his eyes. He doesn’t say anything but Niall breaks. “I hate this stupid building.”

Harry throws his head back with laughter. “Well this stupid building hates you too I’m afraid but you really have to cheer up. You’re being ridiculous. I bought you ice cream. Doesn’t that make it at least a little bit better?” Niall shrugs and Harry rolls his eyes. “You’re absurd.”

Niall shrugs again. “Well that sucks for you doesn’t it? Being in love with someone that’s absurd.”

“Yeah but it’s okay. He’s only one of my boyfriends. I have one on the side I keep that loves the science building and also didn’t throw his dirty underwear on my pillow this morning.” Niall laughs and throws his arms around Harry and presses a kiss to his cheek and then onto his lips. He leans back and grins up at his boyfriend.

Harry wraps his arms around him. “You’ll be okay. I’ll pick up something for dinner and I’ll try and break a beaker in class.”

“That’s my boy.” Niall says as he pulls back pinching Harry’s cheeks.

~~

“For god’s sake Niall open or book or something. We’re in a library. You’re going to ruin everything. If we get caught I’m going to wake you up by putting one of my shoes over your nose.” Louis huffs as he cranes his neck further to the left.

Niall slams the books stacked in front of him open along with his notebook and reaches over and does the same for the ones in front of Louis. “You’re going to yell at me and you can’t even open your own book?”

“Shut up. You’re going to draw attention over here and I’m trying to be conspicuous.”

“You moron. You’re trying to be inconspicuous. Conspicuous is being visible, Liam’s going to notice you spying on him if that’s what you’re doing.”

Louis launches forward and claps a hand over Niall’s mouth. “If you say his name again I’m going to skin you alive while you’re sleeping. Call him…I don’t know just anything but his birth name.”

“We could call him Prince Charming.” Niall says as he bats his eyelashes at Louis.

“No we cannot. Call him like Howard or something I don’t care he just can’t know that we’re looking at him or talking about him or that we even know he’s alive. As far as he’s concerned we are simply looking off into the library’s distance and wondering if that really is the section we need or not.”

“Louis why don’t you just go over there and say to him: ‘hey Liam, remember me? We fucked and you pulled a jackass on me and left and now I’m obsessed with you and I’d really like to put your penis in my mouth when I’m sober.’” Niall smiles at Louis horrified expression.

“I do not want his penis in my mouth. I just want to know like stuff. I mean what is he studying over there? What’s his major? How does he get his abs to look so lovely when he’s swimming for the swim team and what about his calves when he’s wearing those ridiculously short shorts for the track team? Or is it only on the soccer field that he's good with handling balls. I just need to know certain things.”

Niall eyes him skeptically before asking, “Do you have a list in your notebook of everything you want to know about Liam Payne?” Louis mouth drops open and races Niall to grab his notebook. Niall reaches it first and whips it open and starts flipping through pages. Louis is practically on his back throwing his arms around trying to grab it from Niall or at least to knock it out of his hands.

Niall finds the page he’s looking for and at this point Louis is sitting next to him again with his arms crossed over his chest and a ridiculous pout on his lips.

Niall skims down the list briefly before reading some allowed. “Number one, his middle name. Number four, does his birth mark tickle when I lick it or bite on it. Number seven, do his eyebrows get larger in the winter.” Niall looks at Louis with an eyebrow raised.

“If you’re going to make fun give me that back you little bastard.” Louis attempts to snatch the notebook but Niall is too quick for him and he begins reading again.

“Number thirteen, is it more fun to kiss him when he has stubble or without. Number fifteen, what ever happened to his floppy curls. Number twenty-three, is he too tired after his many sports practices to have sex with me? Number twenty-three-part b, if he is not too tired then is he opposed to having sex in the locker room. Number thirty-five, how does he like his tea or his breakfast or any kind of food or beverage prepared for him.” Niall stops reading aloud because he can tell Louis is beginning to get uncomfortable and he begins to read silently. He stops and frowns when he gets to the bottom and sees that the questions begin to be less about Liam and more about himself like is he good enough for Liam, or does Liam think he’s attractive or was their sex just a pity fuck if they even had sex since Louis was too drunk to remember it.

Niall closes the notebook and pushes it over towards Louis silently. He reaches his hand out and intertwines his fingers with Louis'. No one ever believes Niall when he tells them that his best friend is not just some loud, boisterous prankster that loves to make jokes but rather he’s deeply sensitive and caring and that the things people say and do towards him affect him much greater than he ever lets on.

Louis is about to say something when something across the room catches his attention. His snaps his head to the side and cranes his next to get better view of where Liam is. His mouth drops open and he yanks Niall over so he can see the table Liam is sitting at.

A new boy has come to join him and Niall’s positive that in his entire three years at university he has never seen this boy before in his life. He has dark black hair that’s covering his forehead in a messy yet graceful way that the boy has probably spent hours perfecting to look like he hasn't touched it. He has tight black jeans on with a pair of boots and Niall can see paint splatters on both of them. The sleeves of his flannel are rolled up and Niall can see an arm covered in tattoos and briefly wonders if it extends to his shoulders. He slides into the seat next to Liam without a word and pulls out a notebook and pencil and begins fiddling with the two. Niall can see that he’s carrying around a Walt Whitman book of poetry that's carefully placed underneath the notebook.

Niall is broken from his trance when Louis grabs him by the arm and begins shaking him. “Who in the fuck is that Gucci model? I am going to slam my head into this desk and tell the dean you beat me if you don’t tell me. Who the fuck is he and why does he get to sit next to Liam?” Liam pauses to squawk and shake Niall more when he sees that Liam has reached a hand out and has it placed on the other boys shoulder. “Liam is touching him. Did he fuck me and then go home to his model boyfriend? I don’t even blame him anymore oh my god I’d fuck me and leave too if I had that at home.” Louis glares at the tan boy and says, “I think I hate him.”

“I’ve never seen that boy before in my life. If that’s Liam’s boyfriend then you need to figure out if they’re into threesomes and work your way in.”

Just when Louis is about to speak Harry slips into the seat next to Niall grinning. “Evening my darlings. How are you both?”

Louis reacts out and grabs onto the Harry’s head and pulls him across Niall so he can see Liam. He points at the dark haired boy and asks, “Who the fuck is that bronze god?”

Harry shoves Louis off him and rubs at his cheeks. “That’s Zayn. Why?”

“Wait you know him? I’ve never seen him before.” Niall says.

“Yeah he’s on the swim team with Liam and they share an apartment together. He’s really into art and shit so he’s usually got his face stuffed in a notebook. Why?”

“Louis is stalking Liam and is that Zayn kid his boyfriend?” He asks. “No wait, he’s on the swim team? Louis you stalk the swim meets how haven’t you seen him?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Like I have time to look around at other things when Liam is frolicking around in a Speedo like a little harlot practically begging me to rip off that skimpy thing. Please, like you’d notice Zayn if Harry was in a Speedo.”

Niall makes a non committal shrug because he gets to see Harry’s bits at least three times a week, more if they shower together, but he also doubts he’ll ever go to a swim meet to test any of these theories.

“Wait why are we stalking Liam? Can we leave? I’m hungry and sweetheart you promised to get me dinner.” Harry pouts at Niall and slumps back in his chair. Niall should have known that Harry would forget his promise to pick up food.

Louis squawks again and slips under the table. Niall looks down at him before he sees from the corner of his eye that Liam and his pretty boy are leaving the library. He shakes his head and pats the top of Louis’ real quick before standing up and telling his boys to hurry up so they can eat.

~~

The next day Louis comes storming into the apartment and throws himself over the couch so he lands on top of Niall and Harry. They were cuddling and watching some cooking show that Harry likes to mock because as he says ‘no one knows how to cook better than me and I’m like Chef Ramsey; I sit around and shout at people about how they’re cooking shit and it’s awful’. Niall doesn’t really care what they watch as long as he gets to have Harry wrapped up around him while he catches up on lost sleep. But they both groan at the impact of Louis hitting them.

“Lou, shove off. Why’d you jump on us?” Niall asks as he rolls off the couch and onto the floor.

“Well silly boy, I have just received a text message informing me of a party tomorrow night.”

“So?” Harry prompts.

“So? What do you mean ‘so?’ If you must know this party is being thrown but Liam’s not so pretty best friend. That tall guy with the dirty lion mane, Randy is that his name? Or no is Andy? Anyway, he’s throwing a party which means Liam will be there. Which means that I can get him drunk and force him to tell me what his problem is with me and possibly I can convince him that he should make out with me.” He sits up, straddling Harry’s waist, and smiles at how proud he is of himself.

Niall rolls his eyes and shoves his way back onto the couch. Louis simply shimmies down to laying position so he can lie atop the other two and complain about how boring Harry’s choice in television is and how Niall's hair is in the way of his view of the screen.


	5. Chapter 5

Niall is taking a nap when Louis enters his bedroom. He’s carrying a large pile of clothes and he throws them on top of Niall before throwing himself on top of the clothes. Niall startles awake and groans when he sees Louis smiling cheerfully at him. His view is only slightly blocked by a blue t-shirt that’s lying across the left side of his face. 

“What the hell are doing in here? And why did you empty your dirty laundry on my bed?” Niall asks as he shoves Louis off of him and over on Harry’s side of the bed.

Louis lands with an ‘hmph’ and a sock in his mouth. “These aren’t my dirty clothes these are all the clothes that look good on me so now I need you to pick something out for me to wear tonight. I need to look good when I talk to Liam.” 

“Louis he’s seen you naked I doubt jeans and a shirt will change his mind.”

“Oh yeah I didn’t think about that. Okay point to Horan, but which shirt should I wear?”

“How about the one that's trying to crawl into my mouth.”

Louis grabs the blue shirt that’s attempting to smother Niall and replaces it with the one he’s wearing. He frowns and examines the outfit he’s wearing before he jumps on top of Niall and places a sloppy wet kiss to his cheek. “I look fantastic. Good job Horan.” He shimmies off the bed and starts to gather his clothes so Niall doesn’t have to smell his dirty socks anymore. “Where’s Harry? I thought he was supposed to be home by now.”

Niall shrugs and escapes to the bathroom so he can fix his bed head, “He’s going to meet us there. His dad called him earlier and he didn’t seem very happy.”

“His dad’s an ass. Now come on let’s go. It’s almost eleven so I think we’re just late enough to look like we didn’t try to be late." 

~~

When they enter the party Niall can already smell the alcohol permeating off the people around them. He quickly grabs a beer from the pile neatly stacked up on the table before he joins Louis again. 

They walk through casually and Niall says hey to some of the people he recognizes from some of his classes. He’s holding on to the back of Louis’ shirt so that they don’t get separated. Louis is craning his neck trying to see over the crowd in hopes that he’ll be able to spot Liam. He stops and turns around. “We’re wearing the same shirt oh my god what do I do?”

Niall peeks over Louis’ shoulder and frowns because Louis is wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a pocket over his chest while Liam is wearing a sweatshirt with long sleeved. They’re both the same color but definitely not the same shirt.

“Are you blind?”

Louis goes to reply to Niall’s comment but instead he sees a familiar head of curls approaching Liam. “What is your boyfriend doing here already talking to Liam? Is he out of his mind? What game is he playing at?”

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know. They have a class together. You’re not the only one allowed to talk to Liam you know that right?” He shoves past him and begins to make his way over towards his boyfriend. He jumps at him when he gets there and pulls Harry into a hug.

Harry laughs and wraps his arms around Niall before steadying himself. He kisses Niall’s cheek and whispers in his ear, “how mad is Louis?”

“He’s very upset but he thinks that him and Liam are matching so I doubt he really cares what you’re doing.” Niall climbs off Harry and greets Liam.

Louis is standing a few steps away but close enough for Liam to know that he’s in their circle of communication. Niall grabs a hold of Louis and pulls him closer. “Liam have you met my best friend yet, Louis?”

Liam looks up and smiles weakly. “Um no I mean I’ve seen him around at parties and the games and stuff but no we haven’t met properly before.” He reaches out and shakes Louis hand and Louis isn’t even trying to hide the pout on his face at only getting to touch Liam’s hand.

“Are you sure we’ve never met before? Because I could almost swear we’ve spoken once or twice.” Louis says and his smile is so saccharinely sweet that Niall wants to vomit.

“I’m not sure. No I’m usually pretty good at remembering faces and the people I meet." 

“Yeah you must be really popular. So what are you drinking?” Louis steps forward and takes a sniff of Liam’s drink, “is this some kind of vodka? What is this?”

“No it’s uh some flavored tea I bought at the corner store. I’m not much of a drinker.” Liam laughs as he says it and takes a nervous sip of his drink.

Niall steps back into Harry so his back is against his chest and forces Harry to wrap his arms around him. Harry leans down and whispers in his ear, “this isn’t going to end well.”

Niall knows that Harry is right but as the best friend he has to try and diffuse the situation. “So Liam what are your plans for the summer?”

“Oh um a friend and I are going to spend it abroad. We’re going to go on a little tour of Europe. What about you guys?”

“That sounds really great. Lou and I are-“ Niall is cut off by Louis saying, “what friend?”

Liam looks at Louis confused, “huh?”

“What friend are you touring Europe with? I hear Europe is full of romantic cities are you going to go over there in hopes and turning this friend into your boyfriend or girlfriend or fuck friend?” 

Liam blinks. “Zayn. He and I are going there just for some fun and to see the sites. He’s really into art and architecture so he’s dying to go there and draw some things out and stuff.”

“Pretty boy? You’re going with pretty boy? Are you fucking kidding me?” Louis shouts the last part and holds his hands in the air. He looks at Niall and points at Liam. “Is he serious?”

“I don’t-why wouldn’t I be? Is there something wrong with Zayn? Did he do something with you? He can be a bit intense sometimes but I promise he didn’t mean it.”

“No he didn’t do anything to me besides ruin my life.” Louis crosses his arms over his chest and pouts expertly. He flops down in the chair across the patio.

Liam turns his back towards Louis and he’s chewing on his lip nervously. “Does he hate me?”

Niall shrugs because honestly how do you explain Louis to anyone?

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s had a rough day. You should go talk to him.” Harry smiles and reaches around Niall to push Liam encouragingly towards Louis.

~~

Harry and Niall wander aimlessly around the party. They’ve shared three beers between each other and Niall is feeling a welcoming buzz. His head is beginning to get cloudy but not in the way that he won’t remember tonight or do something crazy. But it’s just enough to take the edge off a stressful week.

Harry is walking quietly next to him and occasionally he pulls Niall in for a kiss and when he pulls away Niall has to pretend that he doesn’t see the frown on his face. Harry is good at hiding his emotions and the things that bother him but his lips barely turn up when he looks at Niall and the only time he’s shown any emotion was when they were surrounded by a large group of people. But now when they’re secluded and along wander in and out of the trees does Niall know that something is deeply bothering Harry.

“You wanna talk about what you’re dad said tonight?”

“Not really. It wasn’t anything important.” He shrugs his shoulders and begins to pull Niall back towards the party.

Niall knows that this is his way of trying to deflect but Niall won’t let him off that easy. “No hey talk to me. What happened? If it was nothing then you wouldn’t be thinking about it this hard.”

“He’s an asshole. That’s it. It wasn’t anything new.”

“So what did he say?”

“Niall do we really have to do this here?”

“Harry it’s bothering you and I want to know what the problem is.”

Harry doesn’t answer. He looks at Niall for several minutes just breathing deeply. He looks off into the distance back towards the house with his eyes squinted as he thinks about what to say. Niall knows he’ll tell him. He always tells him.

“He’s just mad about the same thing he’s always mad about. He doesn’t think I’m doing the right things with my life and he’s just not happy. He wants me to come back for the summer and think about my life and where I’m going with it. I dunno. It’s all bullshit.” He shrugs his shoulders and continues looking away.

When Niall is about to speak Harry’s phone goes off. He checks the I.D and groans. He shows it to Niall who sees that it reads ‘Dad’. Harry smiles apologetically and kisses Niall’s cheek before he answers the phone and walks off.

~~

Niall finds Louis sitting in the same place they left him. Only this time he has Liam sitting next to him laughing at whatever story that Louis is telling. Niall notices how close their legs are and how Liam keeps hesitating with where to put his hands. He doesn’t put them on Louis’ legs but he keeps them on his own with his little finger lifted to touch Louis.

He doesn’t go over towards them instead he stands off in the distance and watches them interact. Louis giggles after everything Liam says and occasionally will lay his head on Liam’s shoulder after he laughs particularly hard.

Niall can see the mood changes after Liam checks his phone. He frowns and explains something to Louis before he gets up and leaves.

“What’d he say?”

Louis jumps at the sound of Niall’s voice and holds a hand over his heart. “He said he has to go because Zayn needs him. I hate that stupid pretty boy. I needed him here too. But he gave me his number so that’s good. But I’m going to get drunk. Where’s Harry?”

“Talking on the phone somewhere over there.”

“Good. Don’t let him go home without me. I plan on getting so drunk that I don’t remember my name.”

~~

Niall finds Harry out in the yard behind the house the party is being thrown at. He’s sitting down with his back pressed against a tree as he stares at the sky.

Niall carefully makes his way over towards him. He doesn’t know what Harry and his father talked about but he knows whatever it is had upset Harry. He didn’t bother to return to the party and he’s isolated himself from everyone else.

He slinks down next to Harry and rests his head on his shoulder. Harry instinctively wraps an around Niall’s waist. They don’t say anything to each other.

Niall can see Louis across the yard dancing with a group of people. He’s jumping around and spilling his drink but the way he throws his head back in laughter let’s Niall know that he’s okay with the fact Liam left him to go see the pretty boy Zayn. Or at least that he’s okay for now. 

Harry leans over and presses a kiss to Niall’s temple before he goes back to watching the stars.


	6. Chapter 6

Niall pushes himself harder as he finally finds the trail he paved into the grass. It’s nine in the morning and he’s jogging around the lake that’s secluded behind a forest. He doesn’t think many people know about it or if they do he doesn’t think they’re the type of people to come in the morning. He’s never encountered another person here. It’s tranquil and it soothes him whenever he needs it. 

Today is one of those days. It’s getting closer and closer to when he needs to leave Harry for the summer. It’s a nagging at the back of his mind and he wishes he could claw it out and forget the thought all together. But he’s also got finals coming up for all of his classes and he has three papers that he needs to write. He also hasn't finished the book of Shakespearean sonnets he was required to read. He also has to call his boss at the newspaper company from back home and confirm that he’ll be interning for them again in the summer. It’s all weighing down on him and he needs to escape. That’s what the jog is for. 

He weaves in and out of the trees and he can see the miniature dock coming into view. It’s only a few yards away but it’s Niall’s favorite spot to just sit and think and catch his breath before he returns home.

He slows to a walk when he gets closer. He steps off of the dirt trail and onto the wood of the dock. He takes off his running shoes and his socks and sits down along the edge. He dips his feet in the water and gently kicks them back and forth. It’s the only movement in the water. He stares off into the distance; he can see the other side of the lake that’s lined thickly with trees and other foliage. There is a small cove off to the right corner that’s covered in water lilies and he watches the family of ducks that are weaving in and out of the plants. It sets his mind at ease as he takes in the peaceful surroundings around him.

It’s not as peaceful as it normally is and Niall figures out why shortly when he hears feet approaching from behind. He glances around and sees pretty boy Zayn approaching. He’s stripped of his shirt and shoes and Niall sees them tossed in the dirt next to the dock. He tries not to stare but Zayn’s so pretty and he’s only human.

Zayn smiles at him weakly, “hey,” he says and Niall thinks his voice sounds like caramel. “What are you doing out here? I didn’t think anyone came here besides me.”

“No I come here all the time actually. It’s my favorite spot in town,” Niall says. “What are you doing here?”

“Hmm,” Zayn hums and looks off into the distance for a minute. He glances back down at Niall, “I’m about to go for a swim. Care to join?”

Niall audibly swallows, “no I really need to go back. Harry and Louis will probably be wondering where I went.” Niall scrambles up and grabs his shoes and socks quickly slipping them on.

Zayn laughs lightly under his breath, “yeah well I’ll be seeing you I guess.” Zayn stands at the edge of the dock before he peeks over his shoulder and says, “and you might want to have Louis check his phone if he hasn't already.”

He dives into the water and Niall is left alone to wonder what he meant.

~~

Niall quietly enters Louis bedroom with Harry in tow. It’s two in the afternoon and Louis is still asleep in bed with a hang over. Niall tries not to laugh when he sees Louis only has his bottom half on the bed while the other half is slumped over onto the floor.

He spots Louis phone on the bedside table and he quickly grabs it before running out of the room with Harry.

When he got back home Niall had told Harry how he had went for a jog and ran into Zayn. Harry narrowed his eyes at the mention of the dark haired boy but Niall chose to ignore it and instead explained how Zayn had laughed and told him to tell Louis to check his phone. They both deemed it weird and when curiosity finally got the best of them they had snuck into the room to get the phone themselves.

“Niall, what if something bad is on there?” Harry asks as he sticks his head over Niall’s shoulder.

“I don’t know but we’ll never find out if we just sit there and wait for sleeping beauty to wake up.” Niall shrugs Harry off of him so he can drop down onto the couch. And when hits the button to unlock the phone he can see that Louis has seven pop up notifications showing he has seven text messages from Liam.

Niall’s jaw drops as he looks at Harry, “holy crap Liam really wants to talk to him. What do you think they say?”

Harry shrugs as he says, “I mean there really isn’t any way to find out unless we-“ he sticks his finger out to open the conversation, “whoops it opened.” He smiles innocently at Niall who rolls his eyes.

The screen blocks Niall from seeing anything but the first two messages at the bottom:

[Liam]: lou y arent u replying

[Liam]: louuuuuuuuuuu answerrrrrrrrrr

Niall gulps as he scrolls up to find the texts that Louis has sent. He groans when he sees that Louis has clearly sent Liam a large amount of drunken text messages and he tries not to count but he hears Harry say, “holy shit he sent 37.” Niall knows this can’t be good. He skims through and reads a few of them.

[Louis]: hehehe lllliiiiaaaammmmmmmmmmm why did you go i miss you already

[Louis]: remember when we had sex and haha i dont but i saw you sneak out the next morning when i was naked

[Louis]: ughhhh god i was so naked but you left ugh why would do that

[Louis]: is that model your boyfriend because he shouldnt be hes so stupid with his stupid hair and stupid face

[Louis]: i hate him i want to be your boyfriend :::(((((((((((((((

[Louis]: i think im drunk but liam i just dont understand

[Louis]: i have to go you cant text during beer bong ok dont reply until my turn is over please liam

“Hey what are you two doing with my phone?”

Niall screams and jumps in the air, “shit Louis um nothing, why are you awake?”

“It’s after two now why do you have my phone?”

Niall looks down at Harry who is sitting on the couch with wide eyes and chewing on his bottom lip. Niall slowly hands the phone over to Louis and takes a careful step back. He watches as Louis looks down and frowns seeing that it’s still open on his messages with Liam. His mouth drops open and he groans.

“No, no, no, no, no holy shit no, oh my god Niall why did you let me do this?” Louis shouts.

“I didn’t make you do that you did it on your own.”

“No oh my god I told him I want to be his boyfriend and I hate Zayn and that he has a cute butt. Why? Why would I do this? I’m never drinking again and I’m going to change my phone number and probably transfer schools. I think I’ll move to Mexico and just hang low for a while.” The doorbell rings and Louis goes to answer it. He opens the door in the middle of his rant and screams loudly before closing the door again, “holy shit that little sneak is at the door! I can’t answer this. Niall tell him I’m not home.”

“Um Louis I can hear you and I kind of already saw you,” Niall knows the voice belongs to Liam. “Louis, please open the door.”

Louis looks over towards Niall and Niall can see that he’s terrified. He knows how much this scares him. Niall nods anyway to let Louis know it’s okay. He watches Louis take a deep breath before he turns around and opens the door.

“Oh hey Liam,” Louis says and Niall pulls Harry so they’re hiding behind the wall in order to give the two a false sense of privacy.

“I got your texts,” Liam says as he steps inside of the apartment. He has his hands pressed tightly to the side of his body and Niall wants to snicker at the sight of him dressed in a shirt that looks to be freshly ironed and tight black pants. Liam had tried to impress Louis and it’s obvious by the state of his clothes and his neatly combed hair.

“I saw that,” Louis closes the door and leans against it. “So why are you here?”

Liam swallows, “I didn’t know you remembered that night. And I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Louis waves his hand in the air, “not a big deal.”

“No it is a big deal. I never drink and that night I got completely drunk and you were there and I just-my subconscious took control I guess. So when I woke up and you were next to me I kind of got scared because I thought you were dating Niall.”

“What? Ew no, Niall is with Harry.”

“I know but you’re always at our soccer games so I assumed you were there for him but then you started coming to all my swim meets and track meets and I dunno I thought hey maybe he wants to see me but I was confused because I thought you were with Niall. But then I’ve been talking to Harry a bit and he let slip he’s with Niall so I thought I’d I don’t know court you properly but then we had sex and it was really great but I didn’t want you to be mad so I left in hopes that I’d get the chance to do things in the correct order. But then last night you got mad about Zayn and kept saying he was a pretty boy.”

“Zayn’s hot like Liam are you blind?” Louis asks.

Liam laughs light heartedly, “no I’ve seen him I know he is. But I thought maybe you were into him and you were mad at I was around him but then your texts,” Liam trails off and looks up at Louis. “I mean you said you wanted to be my boyfriend, were you telling the drunk or was it just drunk talk?”

Louis throws himself across the room and onto Liam. He wraps his arms and legs around his body and says, “of fucking course it was true, all of it. Even the part where you have a cute butt and I hate Zayn’s face.”

Liam laughs and says, “okay good. I can work with that.”

Niall peeks his head around the corner when the talking stops. He sees Louis who is still being held by Liam and they’re kissing. He hears Harry make a quiet ‘awe’ from next to him before he grabs Niall’s hand and takes him back into their bedroom.

~~

Harry moves so he’s straddling Niall’s waist. They’re still locked in their bedroom with the curtains drawn and the door locked. They heard Louis and Liam giggle as they snuck in Louis’ bedroom but they haven’t heard from the couple since.

Harry grinds down to get Niall’s attention and smirks when Niall’s eyes roll, “our little Louis is growing up.”

“That’s not at all what I want to talk about right now,” Niall says as he grabs onto Harry and pulls him down for a kiss.

Harry nips at Niall’s lips before pulling away, “I don’t know Niall seems like a pretty interesting thing to talk about. If you don’t want to talk about that maybe we can talk about something else exciting.” Harry licks a stripe up Niall’s neck and bites down on the pulse point at the same time he grinds his hips down.

Niall bucks his hips up causing Harry to gasp. “If you don’t shut up,” he growls and pulls Harry down for another kiss. He flips them over so Harry is pined down beneath him with a shit-eating grin of his face. “God you’re so annoying,” Niall says as he begins to work the buttons on Harry’s jeans.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall is standing on the dock at the lake and watching as the water ripples in front of him. He can see Zayn swimming idly through out the water as he makes his way back towards the dock. He thinks that maybe he should leave before Zayn finds him staring but he can’t seem to move his eyes away from the muscular arms that pop out of the water every so often that keep bringing Zayn closer to him. 

Zayn is only twenty or thirty feet out and Niall can see his muscles contract as they work together in the water. He’s never seen anything as mesmerizing as what is before him; Zayn’s skin is a golden bronze and there are water droplets rolling down his arms when they break the surface. 

Niall takes two futile steps back when Zayn finally reaches the dock. He watches as Zayn pulls himself out of the water and onto the wooden structure and when he stands up Niall watches the water roll down his toned chest and abs. He subconsciously licks his lips and watches as Zayn’s expression changes into a smirk. 

Niall remains immobile while he watches Zayn walk towards him. He stops when their bodies are merely inches apart. He leans over Niall and grabs the towel that is tossed down on the ground and brings it up to his chest and begins to slowly wipe the water off of his body. And Niall watches with a perverse fascination as Zayn rubs his body down in slow circles. Zayn never breaks his gaze away from Niall’s but Niall can’t tear his eyes off the body in front of him. He wants to reach out and touch and run his fingers across the planes before him. 

His stomach begins to flutter when he watches Zayn’s towel and hand begin to move towards his swim bottoms. He swallows and feels his stomach begin to flutter with feelings of arousal. He watches as Zayn runs the towel over himself slower and more torturous than it was before, at least for Niall. He finally lifts his gaze and locks his eyes with Zayn’s who takes a small step forward before he pushes the towel into Niall’s hands. 

Niall isn’t sure if Zayn wants him to finishing wiping the water droplets off of his body, and Niall knows that there isn’t any place on Zayn’s body that is still dripping from his swim besides the hair on his head. But Niall’s questions are answered when Zayn takes another step forward and slots his leg in between Niall's and begins grinding himself on the towel that Niall had been holding in front of his body. Niall slips the towel out from between their bodies and tosses it to the ground.

He tries to think consciously and attempts to make any kind of movement, whether it’s the move his hips in a synchronized movement with Zayn’s or to take a step back and to stop all movement for either boy, but before he can think rationally he feels the familiar build up in his lower stomach and he closes his eyes as he tries not to gasp.

Niall’s eyes fly open as he comes undone and he can feel the orgasm ripping through his body. He blinks rapidly and immediately sits up when he realizes he’s not at the lake but rather at home in his bed with his boyfriends lips wrapped around him. He’s too aroused and confused to say anything but a deep moan in the back of his throat comes out as the intensity his orgasm begins to lessen and subside. 

His eyelids flutter as he watches Harry crawl up his body, wiping his mouth and smiling at him, “good morning,” he says and his voice is strained from having Niall inside of it. 

“Did you- ugh fuck- did you just wake me by sucking me off?” Niall asks as his breathing begins to level.

And Harry smiles wickedly at him before kissing his cheek and wiping his hair off Niall’s sweaty forehead, “I woke up and you were poking me in the back and you kept pushing yourself into me so I decided to help you out a little.” He smiles lazily and begins stroking his hand up and down Niall’s rib cage. 

“Need to shower now,” Niall mumbles from behind the arm he has draped across his face. 

“I’ll start it. We can take one together,” Harry says as he climbs out of the bed and makes his way towards their bathroom. Niall watches him go and smiles when he sees Harry bend down to pick up Daisy and mutter how they need to start a shower for her daddy to get him all clean. 

Niall lies in bed a moment longer and tries not to think about the fact he woke up hard in bed with Harry from a dream about Zayn. It doesn’t mean anything other than Niall is a boy with hormones and eyes because fuck if Zayn’s not anything less than one of the most beautiful people to have ever walked the Earth. 

But Niall’s happy with the boy singing in the bathroom and calling him into the shower and their little Calico kitten who is pawing at his chest in a way he believes is telling him to go see Harry now. 

~~ 

They find Louis sulking, with a pout on his face, sitting at kitchen table clutching a cup of tea. He heavy sighs every time Niall and Harry brush past him while they make their breakfast. Niall knows he’s waiting for them to ask what’s wrong but they already know. Louis hasn’t stopped talking about it for the past three weeks since he and Liam had made it official. 

It’s the start of summer break, and all of them are about to embark on their own separate journeys leading them to where they’ll spend the duration of the break. 

They’re not packing their apartment only their clothes and the things they’ll need when they’re at home, but Louis is being melodramatic and has gone on countless rants about how he’ll miss the pillows on the couch and the red mug he uses and how maybe he should pack them with him or how he should probably stay here and make sure nothing happens to their apartment while they're gone. 

Louis releases a heavy sigh and Niall turns to him and says, “Lou, honestly either spit it out or go and pack. I can’t sit here and listen to your breathing any longer.”

“I just- I don’t want to leave for the summer any more,” Louis says with a shrug. 

Niall is getting ready to open his mouth with a sarcastic response of how he’ll be stuck here wallowing in his own self misery because Liam is going to Europe and won’t be back until mid July and that even then he’ll be twenty minutes away from them when he gets back that it’ll pointless to stay here. But it’s the exact moment he catches Harry’s glare and hears Liam shout a greeting through their front door so he closes his mouth and goes back to handling the eggs in the skillet. 

Liam enters the kitchen with a smile on his face and a small bag in his hand. He leans down and kisses Louis lightly and Niall hears him mumble a soft ‘hi’ against Louis’ lips. Niall makes a retching noise as he sits down to begin eating. 

“What’s in the bag, Liam?” Harry asks as he scoots his chair closer to Niall so he can swing his legs over his lap while he eats.

Liam blushes a deep shade of red and says, “it’s um just some stuff that Louis had asked for.” 

“Like?” Harry prompts and watches as Liam begins to scratch the back of his neck and looks at Louis. 

“It’s a bag of his clothes and don’t say anything because I’ve already seen you both stealing things of the others when one of you has been out of the house. So,” Louis trails off as he stands and grabs Liam’s hand, “we are going to my bedroom and don’t bother me until it’s time to go.” Louis pulls on Liam and as they’re going Liam turns around and gives Niall and Harry a soft, apologetic smile.

~~ 

“Babe, can you just stop?” Harry asks as Niall continues to look away from him and tries to shove his bags into the trunk of his car. He pushes harder to shove the last bag into the corner, Louis’ bags are already inside and it’s making it harder for him to get his own inside. Niall feels Harry wrap his arms around him from behind, “baby, just put it in the back seat and breathe,” Harry whispers in his ear. 

Niall drops the bag on the ground and slams the trunk closed while Harry tosses his bag in the back. He shuffles his feet uselessly and feels an immense pressure on his chest. He’s trying not to pout or cry or anything that will show how miserable he’s feeling because he doesn’t want to act like Louis. But so far he hasn’t snuck into Harry’s car and begin to slowly empty all his stuff out onto the road so he thinks he’s making headway. 

Niall looks up just as Harry glances down at his phone with a frown on his face. It’s time for him to leave. Niall swallows and lets out a shallow breath. Harry lifts his gaze from his phone and smiles weakly at Niall before shuffling forward and wrapping his arms around Niall tightly. 

“Don’t want you to go,” Niall mumbles sadly, his lips brushing across Harry’s neck. 

Harry pulls away and places his hands on Niall’s cheeks, “I know sweetheart, but I really have to go if I’m going to make it home by dinner. I promised my dad I would be there by then.”

Niall nods, “you’ll call me when you get there, right?”

Harry leans in and kisses him slowly. He licks into Niall’s mouth like he wants to mesmerize the taste and feel of Niall, and Niall wants to do the same. He grips Harry’s shirt tighter when he pulls away from him and says, “I’ll call you tonight, okay? Be safe, and let me know when you and Lou make it home, yeah? And don't forget that Daisy will need water periodically.”

Niall nods and kisses him again. It takes another five minutes for Harry to work up the nerve to get in his car and drive away, but not before saying his goodbyes to Louis who has brought Liam and Zayn, and kissing Niall like his life depended on it. 

Niall watches with a pout as Louis, for the third time today, has tried to unload Liam’s car and push his bags, and boyfriend, into the backseat of Niall’s. 

“No, Liam, I don’t want to hear it. Screw Europe, and screw that statue,” Louis says as he tries to yank a bag out of Liam’s grasp. “Liam, do not make me throw you over my shoulder.”

Liam laughs and easily gets the bag out of Louis’ hands, “no offense Lou, but you’ll never be able to do that.”

Niall steps over towards the shuffle just in time to hear Zayn say they really need to leave before they miss their flight. And that’s when Louis throws himself onto Liam who smiles fondly, but it’s etched deep with sadness, as he holds onto him tight. Niall can hear them muttering things to each other and he knows that Louis is trying to argue the inevitable while Liam soothes him with reassurances. 

They haven’t been together long but Niall has never seen two people together who are so meant for each other and just work despite how different they are. It makes Niall’s chest tighten with happiness because he knows that his best friend has finally, finally found someone that Niall thinks was made just for him. 

It’s a silly thought but Niall knows deep down that it’s true. 

He takes a step away and moves closer to Zayn who is watching the scene with a fond look in his eyes. The corners of his mouth turn up slightly when Niall steps next to him, and he says, “they’ll see each other in a month and a half.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t know it. What are you going to do after Europe?” Niall asks because really he doesn’t feel like watching Louis and Liam say goodbye in their sickeningly cute way, not when Harry has already left him. 

“I’m spending the summer with Liam since we’re from the same town, like you and Louis, and so you’ll probably see me quite often,” Zayn says with what Niall thinks is smirk.

But he doesn’t have time to figure it out because Liam is calling him over to take Louis. 

Louis is wiping tears from his cheeks and mumbles a heart-breaking bye as he watches Liam and Zayn get into the car and drive off. 

They stand there in silence watching as the car leaves and thinks that both their boyfriends are idiots for having left before they did because now Niall has to hold himself together in order to get Louis into the car. 

Louis doesn’t say anything when Niall finally gets him pulled into the car. He pats Louis on the thigh because if anyone understands how hard it can be leaving someone you care about behind it’s him. He doesn’t look out the window because he’s positive that his demeanor will crumble and both he and Louis will be two blubbering messes of snot and tears. He can’t look back and see the spot where he said goodbye to Harry, no matter how many times they say it there. 

Their three miles out, three miles away from Harry and Liam and Zayn, when Louis says, “this really fucking sucks.”

And Niall thinks yeah it really does.


	8. Chapter 8

“Okay Mr. Horan we’re going to need you to remember two things when you’re working here, one, it doesn’t matter what your position is, you’re here on an internship. That means when we tell you do something, you do it. When we want coffee, you get it. You’re also here to correct the mistakes of the writers before you submit them to me for final review. You will be allowed to write one thing per week. Small articles, but you’re free to write about whatever you want.” 

Niall follows behind his new boss jotting down the things he’s saying in his notebook. He’s a stumpy man in his mid fifties who Niall has been working for for three summers in a row. His name is Mr. Johnson, and for some reason he gives the same speech every time Niall is here, and it always scares Niall that he’s going to mess up. 

He nods his head vigorously and says, “um sir, what is the second thing I need to know?”

Mr. Johnson stops in his tracks and turns to Niall, “the second thing to remember is that I don’t want that Tomlinson kid hopping around here.” He points towards Niall’s desk and stomps off towards his office located in the back. 

Niall tosses his notebook on the desk and slumps down in his chair and pulls out his phone. He has no new messages but he pulls open his conversation with Harry and writes: fuck, I miss school already. Skype tonight??

And then types another to Louis: Johnson said he doesn’t wanna see your face all summer, so please don’t show up for taco Tuesday like last summer. 

~~

“But I don’t understand, why would your dad get mad about that?”

“I don’t know he’s being a fucking prick,” Harry says as he brushes his hair out of his face. “I know he’s my father and we work together every summer but really I can’t believe I’m doing this. He wants me to leave school.”

Niall gapes at his laptop screen where a pixilated picture of Harry is staring back at him, “that’s shit he can’t do that!”

Harry shrugs, “he’s mad that I don’t want to follow in his footsteps. I just want to do something where I work out in the world and not inside an office. We have one year of school left and he chooses now to complain about my major.” Harry laughs and Niall can tell it’s forced and he’s trying to bring light to the situation. “My dad he—uh—he also mentioned how he really doesn’t think we should be texting anymore, or at least not when I’m at work. Or at home or just basically in general so you might hear from me less during the day.” 

“Oh so your dad says to stop talking to me and you’re just gonna do it?”

Harry groans, “no but if it makes him get off my back about one less thing. Like, Niall. Okay, all day long I have to listen to him criticize every thing I do, every choice I make, so I’m not going to ignore you all summer, but just when I’m at work. We shouldn’t really be texting at work anyway Mr. Journalist.” He adds a wink at the end of his statement and laughs when Niall rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah well all I had to do today was file some papers and make copies. But, alright we won’t text anymore during work. I will refrain. Instead I’ll text Louis and let him know the joys of earning a paycheck.”

~~

The next week passes and Niall finds it harder and harder to not pick up his phone and text Harry every detail of his life. 

He does good up until day eight when he decides that just because Harry can’t reply doesn’t mean he can’t send him nice things to read. He begins with simple things like; _missss you so much ! I’m gonna write an article on curly hair and green eyes just for you !_ and things like, _this guy here Dave makes the best pepperoni sandwiches ever !! no offense babe, still love ya !!_

The cute messages don’t last very long. Soon he starts sending in things like:

_the coffee here is shit_

_what do you think about palm trees?_

_my boss doesn't want Lou coming around but do you think he’ll let him slip me food through the window??_

_would you still love me if I grew a beard and dyed it teal??_

He never gets a response back until he knows that Harry is at home and freshly showered. He likes being able to predict exactly what Harry is doing when he gets around to texting him. Harry works until 4:30 and then heads home, which is a twenty-minute drive. Niall knows that Harry likes to induldge himself with a handful of chips as he’s making his way to the shower, he knows this much because it’s the same thing Harry does in their shared apartment. It’s 5:23 on the dot that Harry will send him answers to his questions and let him know about his today. 

Today though he gets a reply to one of his messages, almost instantly, that says: 

**You’re silly, shouldn’t you be working? Xxxxxxxx**

~~

Niall groans when Louis pauses the game for the third time in the last five minutes. He looks over to see his friend holding his phone and giggling madly as he types out another reply. Niall rolls his eyes and slams his finger on the start button hoping the game will somehow un-pause even though his controller isn’t the one that keeps halting the game. Niall grabs his controller and throws it across the room and tries not to smile when it hits Louis in the thigh and he screams, “if you don’t put down your phone and play the fucking game I’m going to break up with Liam for you.” 

Niall smacks the controller thrown back at him to prevent it from hitting his face, “I’m being serious. We’re supposed to be playing. At least keep the game running instead of pausing it every fifteen seconds.” 

“Okay, okay,” Louis says as he pockets his phone, and restarts the game up. “So how is Harry’s dad treating him?”

“Throw the fucking grenade, Tomlinson,” Niall yells. “His dad is just being his usual self. He’s pissed that we’re still together and that Harry doesn’t want to study business.”

“He still hates you?”

Niall snorts and laughs, “obviously.” 

They continue playing video games until the sun begins to set outside Niall’s bedroom window. It’s hours later and Niall lets his thoughts drift to when the fall comes and he only has to endure one more year until he and Harry buy an apartment along the coast like they always talked about; a beachfront apartment with a spare bedroom for their family and friends, or Louis, when they decide to come and visit them. Where they can take moonlight walks on the beach and chase the crabs with their flashlights.

He thinks about how lovely it will be to adopt a male puppy to be Daisy’s little brother. How they can have the neighbors over and when they ask about their relationship they can smile and say, “yeah, we’re university sweethearts.” 

It’s an idealistic thought but Niall can’t imagine a future with Harry any way other than safe and happy. 

~~

“There isn’t much sun out today,” Louis says as he tries to pull himself onto his raft. “I mean how are we supposed to get sun kissed if the sun isn’t even out.” He swings his leg over the raft and tries to pull up his upper body. Niall watches in apprehension as floatation device flips over causing Louis to go plummeting into the water. 

Niall throws his head back and laughs at his friend who comes out of the water with his hair sticking to his forehead and water dripping off his body. He spits a mouthful of water at Niall as he finally gets onto his raft. Niall reaches a hand out and holds onto the edge of Louis’ green inflatable float to keep him from drifting away, “just because you can’t see the sun doesn’t mean the rays aren’t out.” 

“I suppose you’re right, but Liam is coming back soon and I want to look like I did more than sit inside and play video games with you or sit inside and wipe snot off children’s faces.”

“How is your job at the day-care going?”

“It’s positively boring, but I missed the deadline for student teaching at the summer school so this is all I could get. One of my professors said it’s good practice anyway since if I’m better qualified for teaching younger kids I’ll at least have had some experience working with them.” 

Niall nods and goes back to feeling the sun’s rays beat down on his chest. He applied a very small layer of tanning lotion onto his body before he had gotten inside the pool but he hears Louis phone chirp from where it’s sat on the table next to the pool. 

It’s been over a day since Harry has last sent him anything and he’s left to wonder what has been going on in the curly haired lads life. 

“Have you heard from Harry?” Niall asks.

“Um,” Louis stops to think for a moment before saying, “oh yeah he sent me a text this morning before you got here, why?”

Niall frowns, “that’s weird. He hasn’t texted me back.” He rolls off of his inflatable and swims to the edge of the pool and pulls himself out. He grabs a towel that Louis is holding out for him and begins to dry off before grabbing his phone. 

There are no notifications from Harry or anyone else. He unlocks it and goes straight to his message archive to check and see if maybe his texts haven’t sent. They all have and that prompts Niall to wonder why Harry would be ignoring him.

~~

Niall groans awake when he hears Louis shouting as enters his house. He can hear his mom laughing as pounding footsteps make their way up the stairs. His bedroom door slams open just as he’s sitting up, and he hears, “LIAM IS HERE. LIAM IS COMING. HE’S ALMOST HERE!”

Niall dodges Louis as he attempts to jump on top of him and says, “hi Lou.”

“Hi, Liam is almost here. He called me this morning. I told him to bypass his family and come straight here, but sadly he’s going to spend the morning with them before he drives down. He’s bringing Zayn too.”

“How long until they’ll get here?” Niall asks. 

“Well they only live twenty minutes away so it probably won’t be too long. He said he’s leaving at 1 o’clock on the dot and it is,” Louis rolls over to look at Niall’s alarm clock, “1:03. I’m giving him seventeen more minutes until I’m calling him and demanding an explanation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm naughty and forgot to update this. I'm sorry for anyone who reads this. 
> 
> This chapter is kind of filler-ish and all over the place but I'm happy with it, and also I didn't want to throw the lilo and ziall that's coming up at you without something before hand because when I wrote it that way it didn't really flow.


	9. Chapter 9

Niall is surprised when the next day at work he looks up and sees Zayn walking out his boss’s office. He frowns when he sees Zayn sticking the white envelope into his wallet. White envelopes around here usually meant paychecks. But Niall was almost positive that Zayn didn’t work for the newspaper. Or well so he thought.

He doesn’t realize how hard he’s staring until Zayn is a few feet in front of him clearing his throat with a smirk on his face. Niall looks up at him and smiles and can feel the blush spreading across his cheeks. “Zayn, what are you doing here?”

Zayn shrugs and pulls up a chair so he can sit down next to Niall. “I was dropping off my weekly comic for the paper.”

Niall’s jaw drops because he admittedly is an avid reader of the comics that grace the paper each week. They never say who does them and Niall has always wondered who could possess so much talent and want to show it off to the world without their name attached. “Holy shit, you’re the one who does the comics?” He asks.

Zayn nods, “yeah it’s just something to make a little side money. It’s no big deal.” 

“No big deal? Are you kidding? They’re amazing. I had no idea. I mean the kids at school always talk about how talented you are and how amazing your work is but I didn’t think you were that good. Or well shit that came out wrong, but you know. I just mean I didn’t know you were so good.” 

“I didn’t know I had fans,” Zayn says with a teasing smile.

Niall blushes even more and reaches out to gently shove Zayn. “Oh come off it, you had to know you were amazing.”

Zayn shrugs again and Niall is struck by how modest he is. He’s never met anyone with so much raw talent and it makes him want to grab Zayn and shake him until he realizes that he deserves to have his name next to his work.

“So are you working on your article this week?” Zayn asks. “I really liked last weeks on the women’s aerobic club. I thought the section on spandex and headbands was particularly appealing.”

“Oh god,” Niall groans. “I had no idea you read that shit. Rose was on vacation so Mr. Johnson forced me to report something of women’s interest.”

Zayn smiles at him and says, “I just so happen to read all your work.” Zayn glances down at his watch and frowns when he notices the time, “I have to go but it was good spending time with you.”

~~ 

“And Harry, you wouldn’t believe how talented he is. I mean those comics are the best things I’ve ever seen. Like, they just—the graphics are so good and the story line. This isn’t even a major paper it’s just some small town piece of crap. He should be in the New York Times,” Niall rants to the image of Harry on his laptop. “They’re just incredible and he doesn’t even realize how talented he is.”

Harry nods stiffly. “Yeah, well, it sounds like you two are really hitting it off.”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s still a little shy but once you get him alone he really opens up.”

“And how often do you get him alone?” Harry asks and Niall doesn’t miss the anger that flashes through his eyes.

“We’ve been alone three times. What’s your problem, Harry?”

“I don’t have a problem. I just don’t understand why you’re prancing around alone with some pretty boy while I’m stuck filing paperwork for my father,” Harry sneers.

Niall shakes his head, “I don’t understand why you’re mad that I’m making friends. Zayn is really nice and you’d like him if you could pull you head out of your ass. The only person we’ve ever seen him with on campus is Liam. He doesn’t have any other friends. I’m being nice.”

Harry nods curtly and says, “well you have fun being nice. I have things I need to do.” He ends the call before Niall is allowed to argue back. He doesn’t really see why Harry has been acting like he’s possessed by the jealously monster but it’s beginning to drive a wall between them.

~~

Niall rolls his eyes as he watches Louis crawl onto Liam’s lap and press a kiss to his cheek. It’s been two weeks since Liam and Zayn had gotten back from Europe and honestly Niall can’t handle the amount of PDA his best friend produces.

“Are you guys ever going to stop?” Niall shouts as he watches Louis lick a stripe up Liam’s cheek. Liam fights down a blush while Louis giggles madly to himself. It’s been a contest with Louis to see how often he can make Liam squirm while annoying Niall.

So when they show no signs of stopping Niall jumps out of his chair to go and find solace in the park across the street.

Niall finds comfort being surrounded by nature and knowing that he’s apart of something larger. It’s the one thing he misses about being at school, aside from Harry. He misses being able to go on his morning runs and sit on the dock next to the lake.

It’s Niall’s favorite place in the world. He’s never shown it to Harry or invited him to enjoy it with him but it’s something that belongs solely to him. And Niall misses having that when he’s at home. He misses having a place to go with things get to be too much.

And right now things are too much.

Louis and Liam are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and it sickens him to his core to think that they’ll probably never get over it. They’ll always be the type of couple that hangs all over each other and presses kisses to the others skin every chance they get. Louis has wanted Liam for all of three years and he knows it will take more than a few months to get over the fact that he finally has gotten what he wanted.

But it’s hard watching two people grow into love when the person he loves is hundreds of miles away.

And it doesn’t help that Harry has been distancing himself from Niall. He’s skipped several of their skype dates and sometimes doesn’t return Niall’s calls until the next day. He’s still a shit texter but Niall doesn’t know what he can expect from Harry anymore. He’s tried sending him pictures of Daisy as a way to lure him into at least letting Niall know he’s alive. And none of it works; at least not until Harry hears about Niall spending time with Zayn. Because for some reason the mere mention of Zayn’s name has Harry spiraling.

But Zayn is really the only person Niall finds he’s not annoyed with. Zayn keeps to himself. He spends a lot of time with a charcoal pencil in his hand and a sketchbook in his lap as he draws. He never shows anyone what it’s in but he’s heard Liam say that it’s for a gallery opening Zayn has next spring.

But when Zayn’s not drawong he’s usually sat with a book of poetry in his lap while he sips on whatever tea Louis has made. It’s surprisingly how quiet one person can be. Sometimes they forget that Zayn is even there because his head is always pressed deep inside some kind of book.

It’s a bit endearing how passionate Zayn is about the things he loves.

“Hey, you alright?”

Niall jumps off the park bench and clutches his chest, “you scared the crap out of me. Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

Zayn shrugs and says, “Louis sent me out here to find you. He said you’d probably be off sulking somewhere because Harry isn’t here.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Or maybe I didn’t want to see him turn Liam’s cheek into a lollipop.”

“Yeah they can be a bit much, but they’re happy and in love so who can really blame them?” Zayn says with a half smile. “Besides I bet you’re just as bad with Harry.”

Niall laughs bitterly, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Harry, he just—he has a lot going on right now and we’re barely talking and we won’t see each other for another two months. I mean, it’s hard but what can you really do about it. You’d think because we’re away he’d want to see me more than he usually does but that’s not really the case.” 

Zayn sits down on the bench next to Niall and looks off into the park. Niall follows his gaze and sees all the people running around. There are children playing and laughing on the swings, while their parents watch fondly. There is an older couple sitting on the park bench across from them reading books while holding hands.

It’s like watching the world turn as he sees these people living their lives. And as nice as it is being able to witness the inexplicable happiness that surrounds people he can’t help but wish he was back at his lake, alone, and watching as the water ripples around itself and the trees dance in the wind.

“Maybe Harry isn’t worried about your relationship because he knows you’ll always be there. I mean, if I was with someone like you for as long as you two have been together I’d feel secure enough to know it’s okay to go a couple days without talking.” Zayn pauses and turns his attention towards Niall, “maybe he thinks he has nothing to worry about.”

~~

“I’m sorry for being such an ass earlier,” Harry says on the screen as he flips the hair out of his eyes. “I shouldn’t have taken my stress out on you.” 

Niall shrugs, “it’s alright.”

“No, it’s really isn’t. You didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry. Its just things have been complicated here. My father and I have been making some decisions lately and just the whole thing has been leaving me a mess. And you shouldn’t be my punching bag.” 

“You’re right, I shouldn’t. But, things happen and it’s in the past.”

Harry nods and smiles softly at Niall, “I really miss you. Did you know that?” 

Niall wants to reply with how he doesn’t actually know that. Not with how much Harry has been ignoring him lately. He can’t know that Harry misses him when he doesn’t answer his phone or doesn’t want to see Niall’s face. He doesn’t know Harry misses him because when you love someone you shouldn’t miss him or her to yourself. You should make sure the person knows.

But Niall doesn’t want to make things worse. He doesn’t want to add more stress to Harry so he says, “yeah. I miss you too.”

“How is our little Daisy doing?” Harry asks as he readjusts his laptop screen.

Niall looks down in his lap at the purring kitten fast asleep between his thighs, “she’s happy. I think she misses you though. She’s been sleeping curled up on that red sweater of yours I stole. She gets mad at me when I try to take it from her.” 

“She’s just like you then. Always getting mad when someone tries to take my stuff from you.”

Niall smiles and begins stroking behind Daisy’s ears. He can see Harry is looking off into the distance at something. It’s off screen and Niall can’t tell what’s going on or who is near Harry. But he knows it can’t be good because Harry is moving his arms urgently and his mouth keeps turning deeper into a frown. Finally he nods his head and let’s out a sigh. “I gotta go Niall,” he says. “I have to be somewhere. I love you.”  
Niall nods, “yeah love you too.” He doesn’t get the sentence out fully before the video call is disconnected and Niall is left staring at his laptop screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this taking so long. I went on vacation and didn't bother writing anything. But I'm back now :)
> 
> Also, I'm going to be writing a new summary for this because the current one sucks. But, I doubt I'll come up with a new one. I'm lazy.


	10. Chapter 10

“But why did my house get chosen for the sleep over again?” Niall asks as he throws extra blankets down on his desk. 

Louis looks up from his phone and replies, “well Liam and Zayn’s are clearly off limits since they’re further away, and I didn’t feel like having my sisters come in every three minutes. Plus your mom always has great snacks.”

Niall nods his head idly and pulls out his phone to text Harry. _Heyyyy babe,_ Niall types as he lies back on his bed. He can hear Louis fumbling with his television trying to find something to watch.

**Hiiiiii what are you doing???**

_With Lou. He’s watching TV. What are you doing tonight?_

**Nick’s having a party later so I’m going to go to that for a little while.**

_Nick?_

Niall tries to think back on a time where Harry has ever mentioned a Nick. He doesn’t care about Harry making friends or having friends of the same gender. Harry is sociable and a people person and he loves making friends with everyone he meets. It’s not that Niall doesn’t want Harry to have friends but it makes him feel like there have been secrets kept. And it’s not a big deal, but.

**My friend, we’ve been hanging out everyday. He’s really cool. I think you and Louis would like him. He’s an intern at my dad’s work.**

_How come you never mentioned him before?_

**This is the first time we’re going to hang out outside of work. We’ve only ever really talked at work, why? Is it a problem?**

Niall doesn’t reply. Instead he flips over and turns to Louis and says, “did you know Harry has been making friends with interns at his dad’s work?”

Louis nods his head. “Yeah, he mentioned something the other day. The guy is like thirty.”

**Babbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, don’t be mad. We just eat lunch together and he asked if I wanted to come over for his party. It’s no big deal.**

**You’re being silly. What you doing tonight???**

_Liam and Zayn are going to come over and stay the night at my house. Louis thinks we need to bond. And I’m not mad xxx_

Niall’s phone rings instantly. It’s Harry. “Hello?”

“You’re having Zayn spend the night at your house? Sleeping in your bedroom, with you in it? Tell me you’re joking.”

“Is that a problem?”

Harry sighs and says, “Is it a problem that you’re going to be sleeping next to someone random guy? Please tell me you didn’t just ask me that.” Harry’s voice is strained and it causes Niall to frown.

“We’re all going to be sleeping on the floor. If it makes you feel better I’ll force Louis and Liam in the center. I wasn’t exactly thinking about sleeping arrangements. Why are you so mad?”

“I don’t like him. I don’t want him sleeping in your house. I don’t want him anywhere near you.”

Niall rolls his eyes and notices that Louis has taken a much greater interest in his and Harry’s conversation then the television. “He’s a friend. You’re going to a party with some random guy and I’m not bossy you around. Why are you being a dick about it?”

“You know what, fine. If you want to have your little sleeping party then go ahead. Obviously you don’t care.”

Nialls scoffs. “What the hell has gotten into you? You never act like a possessive dick. Is there some reason you’re starting now? Because if you so you need to forget about it because you have nothing to worry about.”

“You know what, I gotta go. Have fun tonight.” Harry hangs up the phone before Niall can respond.

Niall takes a deep breathe before tossing his phone across the room. He’s glad when Louis doesn’t say anything. Instead he gives Niall a sympathetic smile and goes back to pretending he’s watching TV.

Niall’s phone chirps from across the room and he groans when he realizes he has to actually get up off the bed to see who it is and what they want from him. He gets up off the bed and grabs the phone that landed next to his bedroom door.

It’s a text from Harry that reads: **I love you. And I’m sorry. I can’t explain why I don’t like Zayn. I just don’t. But, I’m sorry. I hope you know how much I care about you. xx**

~~

“So what are we going to do?” Liam asks once they’re all finally crammed into Niall’s room.

Everyone in the room turns to look at Louis in the exact same moment. Louis rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in the air. “I came up with the sleepover. What more do you want from me?”

Niall rolls his eyes and picks up two controllers for his game console. He grabs one and tosses it to Liam. Zayn is sitting on Niall’s bed with his sketchpad in his lap singing lowly to music wafting from the radio. Niall thinks he’ll get over the fact he wasn’t handed a controller, especially since he hasn’t looked up in the last ten minutes.

And Niall isn’t worried about Louis since he knows that Louis will be happy as long as he can find a way to crawl into Liam’s lap and lick his neck.

And true to form as soon as Liam has gotten comfortable on one of Niall’s beanbag chairs does Louis slither into his lap with a predatory smirk on his face. Niall waits until Liam has gotten his arms secure around Louis before starting up the game.

The night remains much the same. Occasionally Niall will switch positions with Zayn so he can beat Liam, and it’s really no fault of Liam’s that he hasn’t won all night. Louis keeps grabbing his wrists and trying to get Liam to put his hands on him instead of the controller.

The games stop when Louis stomps across the room and shuts the console off demanding that Liam gives him some attention and a cuddle while they watch a movie.

~~

Harry calls Niall later when he’s drunk. Niall can tell Harry has been drinking because he’s giggling in the line instead replying to Niall’s ‘hello’ Niall suppresses an eye roll because it’s three in the morning and he has three sleeping boys lying next to him.

Niall carefully crawls out from under his blanket and walks towards the window on the other side of the room. He pulls it open gently, mindful of the sleeping bodies still in the room, and crawls out to sit on his roof.

“Harry, what do you want? It’s late?”

Harry giggles and says, “Are you having fun with your boyfriend?”

Niall pulls his phone away from his ear and checks to make sure this is Harry he’s talking too. “Excuse me? What boyfriend?”

“Mister pretty face, Zayn. Zayn, Zayn, Zaynie,” Harry says with a heavy sigh. “You’re spending all your time with him. I figured by now you two would have made it official. I’d love to come to your wedding.”

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Yup,” Harry says popping the ‘p’. “I am so serious, so very serious. I am so serious. I’ll have you know.” And it comes out a slur.

“Have you been drinking?”

“Why do you care?” Harry says and for some reason the line has him floating off into another fit of laughter. “You love Zayn and I’m stuck here with my stupid fucking father while you’re probably both cuddling in bed and naming your children. You’d probably name it something stupid like Tree. I hope you and Zayn and Tree are happy.”

Niall sighs deeply. “You’re drunk and being stupid. Do you honestly think I’d cheat on you?” 

“I already said that. You can’t say that.”

“Harry, it’s three in the morning. You need to get some sleep. I’m hanging up. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Harry snorts into the phone and shouts, “goodbye Mr. Zayn.”

Niall hangs up the phone without saying goodbye and puts it into the pocket of his basketball shorts. He pulls his knees up to his chest and looks up towards the sky.

And that’s where Zayn finds Niall on the roof staring at the stars by himself. Niall doesn’t turn his head when he hears someone approaching. He pulls his knees tighter to his chest and continues to look up.

He’s not in the mood to see anyone, especially Zayn. Which isn’t fair because it’s not Zayn’s fault that Harry is insecure and got drunk and said rude things to him. Zayn has been nothing but pleasant to be around and it’s hard for him. Because for some reason Niall is torn between whom he should be angry with.

“Hey, you aright?” Zayn asks as he sits down next to Niall and shifts his attention up towards the sky.

Niall shrugs his shoulders. “Not really. I’ll be okay though.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing. Harry was just being an ass. Nothing to talk about.”

Niall looks over towards Zayn and sees that he’s smiling at him. “You don’t have to tell me anything. But, I’m here if you want to talk about things. I know Louis is your best friend but if you ever want another set of ears then I’ll listen.” He reaches a hand out and squeezes Niall’s arm before tucking it back into his lap. 

They sit in silence and Niall admires the calm that comes with Zayn. There is an air around him that keeps everyone around him from lashing out. Even Louis who can’t be controlled by anyone seems to deflate just slightly when he’s around Zayn.

Niall wishes it were that easy. He wishes that it were easy to relax and to live in a constant state of calm. Niall always feels wound up with stress lately. He feels his carefree demeanor slowly starting to slip away.

Niall realizes he must be living too much inside his head because Zayn is talking again. “Do you know what I like about stars?” Zayn asks and Niall turns his head to look at the other boy and sees that he’s staring up at the sky in wonder. “They’re there and they’re never going anywhere. And they’re quiet and beautiful and they don’t demand to be looked at. They’re not like the sun that demands attention and demands that you notice it. But you notice them and you can’t help but you look because there really is nothing more beautiful than a sky full of stars twinkling down on you.”

Niall smiles and goes back to looking at the sky. He has a feeling that Zayn wasn’t just talking about the stars. But even if he were Niall didn’t think of the stars during Zayn’s explanation.

~~

Niall spends three days ignoring phone calls and text messages from Harry. They haven’t spoken since the drunken phone call and Niall really doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t know what to say.

But, he’s at work and his phone will not stop going off and he’s beginning to get glares from his near by co-workers who can hear it vibrating across his desk. He groans as he reaches down to answer it, “what?” He demands into the phone.

“Um, hello to you too.” Harry says.

“I’m at work. What do you want?”

There’s a pause where Niall is forced to sigh in annoyance. “Are you mad at me?”

Niall rolls his eyes. “I don’t know, Harry. Do you still think I’m cheating on you?”

“What? When did I say that?” Harry asks, his voice going up an octave.

“When everyone slept over at my house. You called me in the middle of the night and started rambling about how I’m cheating on you and how I’m gonna have a kid named Tree.”

There’s a stunted silence followed by a quiet, “oh.”

“Do you really think I’m cheating on you?” 

“No, I just miss you. And I worry. We haven’t seen each other in two months, and I’m a shitty fucking boyfriend. I wouldn’t blame you. I mean, you’re there and I’m here and it’s not fair to you to keep you tied down and if you want to be with Zayn or anyone then who am I to stop you?”


	11. Chapter 11

“So Harry broke up with you? Why didn’t you say anything before?” Louis asks. 

Niall sighs as he looks out the window of the car. “Would it have mattered? I mean, was I supposed to tell you when you were spending the night at Liam’s? Or when you were out on dates? Or better yet all those times you ignored my phone calls? Which one of those sounds like a good time to tell your friend that your boyfriend won’t talk to you anymore?” 

Louis grip on the steering wheel tightens and Niall doesn’t miss the look of hurt that flashes across his face. “I didn’t—I’m sorry.”

Niall shakes his head, because really it’s him who should be sorry. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know. And you’re happy and in love. I didn’t want to get in your way or screw things up for you by unloading all of my drama onto you.”

Louis swerves the steering wheel to the right and slams onto the breaks when they hit the shoulder of the road. He looks at Niall intently, his expression fierce and determined. “You’re my best fucking friend in this entire world, do you understand?” Niall nods. “You’d never get in my way if something is bothering you. You’re supposed to tell me things. You’re supposed to want to talk to me. And obviously I haven’t been a very good friend if you think that you can’t tell me that Harry was being a jealous asshole.”

Niall stares at Louis and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I wanted too but you were so happy and I knew the shit with Harry would ruin it. So I just, kept it in.”

“How long ago did this happen?” Louis asks with a harsh glare. 

Niall mumbles, “last month, the night of the sleepover.”

And Niall flinches when Louis slams his fist onto the steering wheel. “A month? It happened a fucking month ago?” He softens when he sees Niall shrunk in on himself in the passenger seat with tears forming in his eyes as he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. “No, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for, I’m sorry.” 

He reaches out and pulls Niall into a hug. It’s awkward and uncomfortable with the gearshift and center console between them but Niall relaxes in his hold. “Do you know how often I’ve spoken to Harry and he never said anything? And then—omg,” Louis says and his face is struck with sudden realization. “I’ve been parading around with Liam and our relationship while you’ve been hiding this and I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Louis climbs out of his seat and into Niall’s so he can sit on his lap and wrap himself around his friend. Niall’s squashed with Louis on top of him but doesn’t say anything. He wraps one arm around Louis waist and runs the other up and down his spine. 

They hold onto each other for several long minutes as the cars on the highway buzz by with a whoosh. It feels good to have someone embracing him. Over the last month since the phone call with Harry, Niall has been shutting everyone out. He refused to talk to Zayn, something about he tan skinned boy caused Harry to act erratically. Niall had tried in-vain everyday to get Harry to talk to him. He had begun to shut Louis out as well. 

He’s not jealous of what Louis and Liam have, no he’s insanely happy for his best friend but he knows somewhere he has something that’s exactly the same. Except it’s been lost. It’s wrapped up tightly and it feels like it was tossed into the deepest ocean. 

Niall just hopes he doesn’t drown trying to get it back. 

~~

Louis falters with his keys when they finally reach their apartment. He puts the key in the slot and stills. He turns back to Niall and says, “Are you sure? I mean, I could go inside and check to see if everything is okay.”

Niall rolls his eyes and readjusts the duffle bag on his arm. He reaches around Louis and turns the key so he can push the door open. He hears Louis let out a deep breath when they step inside and see that everything is still exactly the way they left it before summer break. 

Niall closes the door and kneels down to let Daisy out of her carrier before making his way down the hall towards his bedroom. Everything in their apartment is exactly the same, minus the few knick-knacks they took with them back home. It’s exactly the same until he pushes open his door and sees a suitcase open on the bed with clothes flying out from the closet. 

He gently sets down his bag next to the door and takes another step inside and turns to see Harry bent over as he rips the remaining clothes he has off the hangers in their closet. 

“What are you doing?” Niall croaks out, and his voice sounds rough and broken. 

Harry jumps up and his eyes go wide when he sees Niall standing in front of him. “I’m picking up a few things,” he says as he brushes past Niall to shove all of the items into the suitcase. 

Niall looks around and notices that half of the closet is completely bare. The only thing hanging up are Niall’s winter clothes and a couple odd shirts he left here. All of Harry’s items have been removed. And Niall looks around the room and sees all the decorations put up that belonged to Harry have also been taken down and tucked away some place Niall will never see them again. “Are you,” he turns towards Harry and frowns, “are you leaving me?”

Harry for the most part looks pained and Niall wants to slap him on the face because he’s the one making decisions. He’s the one that’s causing this entire mess. “I’m leaving school actually.”

“And by default me as well. Why are you leaving school? You have one year left, Harry.”

Harry sighs as he closes his suitcase and zips it closed. He doesn’t look at Niall when he says, “I just need time. I got an internship at the zoo and it’s not much but it’s working with animals and biology and that’s what I want to do. And school it just doesn’t feel like the place I’m supposed to be at right now.”

“When you say school you mean here in this apartment. The zoo is twenty minutes away. You’re leaving because of me. Don’t blame the zoo, your dad, an internship, Zayn or whatever other bullshit you’ve come up with. Admit to me why you’re really going.”

“I’ll be back in a few days. I still have to pick up a few things I couldn’t get tonight.” Harry picks up the suitcase and brushes past Niall. It’s not even seven seconds later when Niall hears their front door slam closed and he sees Louis peek his head of his own bedroom with a frown.

And Niall waits until he Louis retreats back into his own bedroom before he collapses on the ground.

~~ 

It’s the Thursday before school starts that Harry comes back with an empty box to get the rest of his stuff. Niall watches frozen as Harry paces the apartment and picks up all the stray objects that are littering the room. Niall watches from his spot on the couch as Harry runs his fingers over every surface he can. He runs his hands along the wall as he walks back towards their bedroom. He runs his hands along the back of the couch and across the table and along the handle to the freezer. 

He’s taping up his box with a sigh when Niall finally manages to look at him. Harry’s hair is matted down and he has light stubble swept across his cheeks. He stops and looks up at Niall surprised to see Niall already looking back. “I guess this is it,” he says. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, this isn’t it. You’re not leaving until you tell me why.” Niall voice is pleading and it breaks several times in the middle of his sentence and he knows that Harry didn’t miss that. 

“What do you want me to say?”

“You’re breaking up with me after three years of being together I think I deserve an explanation. It’s not that complicated, is it?” Niall says as his eyes begin to water.g

Harry sighs. “That’s the thing, we’ve been together for three years. Don’t you think there should be some room in our lives to figure out what we want?” Harry asks as he cross his arms defensively in front of his chest. “We’re in college and we’ve spent the last three years of our lives with each other. I don’t know what it’s like to be with anyone else, not really anyway, and neither do you. And then you started hanging out with Zayn and it just got me thinking what if you were to be with him and I was to go off and meet someone and be with them. How can we know we’re supposed to be together if we’ve never been with anyone else?”

Niall stares at him, his eyes blinking in rapid succession. “Do you want to be with someone else?”

“I don’t know. For over three years you’re the only person I’ve been with. You’re the only person I’ve had sex with and the same goes for you too, I’d assume anyway. I love you, Niall, but you deserve to figure out if I’m what you really want.”

Harry picks up the box and makes his way towards the door. He turns around with one last glance at Niall and shrugs his shoulders lightly with a small smile before closing the door. 

~~

Niall doesn’t spend any time wallowing in self-misery inside his apartment. He doesn’t want Louis to come back from his date with Liam and find him crying on the couch. No, instead he chooses to go to the lake in the back woods where he takes his morning jogs so he can cry his eyes out there. 

It’s quiet and peaceful and Niall finds himself alone and it’s exactly where he wants to be right now. He’s ditched his socks and shoes at the edge of the dock so he can dangle his toes in the water and run them along the surface. 

Niall thinks about Harry’s words and how after three years together hearing that maybe they should have experimented more with other people was like a dagger to his chest turned counter-clockwise several times and plunged in deeper with each turn. He’s never thought about being with anyone other than Harry he doesn’t know how to be with anyone other than Harry. 

And he gets the feeling that Harry didn’t mean other people; no he thinks that Harry meant Zayn. And Niall has no idea why Zayn is someone who should be singled out or why it’s okay for them to break up over Niall creating a friendship with someone that’s damn good looking. 

And he doesn’t understand what it is about Zayn that has Harry feeling so intimidated since even Harry has expressed interest in the appealing qualities of Zayn’s face. 

And really Niall hopes this is phase. He hopes that Harry isn’t serious. 

~~ 

The sun is almost completely set when Niall hears feet walking along the wood of the dock. He turns his head over his shoulder and sighs when he sees that it’s Zayn. He doesn’t say anything just sits down next to Niall and looks out at the water ahead of them. 

“Are you okay?” Zayn asks. “Li and I went over to your place and Louis is in a state because you haven’t been home all day.” 

Niall bobs his head and keeps his gaze ahead of him. “I’ll be okay.” 

It’s quiet after that. Zayn doesn’t say anything. Niall’s used to the prolong silences that envelop them when they’re together. Zayn never says much of anything. Just sits and waits for the right moment. And Niall likes that about him how he doesn’t say much but when he does it’s something of importance. 

“I’m sorry I was kind of ignoring you this past month,” Niall says as he finally turns to look at Zayn. 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “No reason to be sorry, I don’t think. I mean you had your reasons and it’s not like I didn’t get on with my life.” 

Niall smiles sadly. “It wasn’t really your fault. I was just being an asshole. I really didn’t talk to Louis either. I haven’t done much talking to anyone lately.” 

“That’s a shame,” Zayn says. “You’ve got a really lovely voice.” 

And Niall smiles for the first time in a while.


	12. Chapter 12

Niall doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting at the water but the sun is finally gone and it’s left the moon and a sheet of stars in it’s place. It’s dark and if Niall were anywhere else he’d be terrified. But he’s at his lake and it calms him and he has Zayn at his side. Zayn, who he had almost forgotten was there since he hasn't spoken. He’s a solid reassuring figure that Niall is not alone and that everything is okay.

He inhales a deep breath and lets it out before turning towards Zayn. “I think I’m going to head home, do you want to stay?”

Zayn shakes his head and stands up slowly. He stretches his back before reaching a hand out to help Niall up as well. They put on their shoes in silence and make their way towards the path in the woods.

It’s a silent walk and Niall is beginning to think that Zayn lives in a world where words aren’t necessary. He thinks that’d be a nice way to live, where you don’t say anything unless it’s something important and live through actions and gestures.

But Niall isn’t that type of person so he breaks the silence. “Harry and I broke up.”

Zayn nods his head but doesn’t turn his head to look at Niall. Instead he keeps looking straight ahead as they make their way to the edge of trees. “Yeah? Do you want to talk about it?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders. “I’m not really sure. He said it had something to do with seeing other people.”

“You’re seeing other people?”

“I’m not and I don’t really think he is either but he wants too. Or well he thinks I want too. He thinks that it’ll never work out because we’ve only been with each other and that things will eventually fall apart so to prevent it from happening he just left.”

Niall looks towards Zayn and sees that he’s his jaw is tense and he eyes are set forward. He’s thinking of something but Niall has no idea what.

They don’t talk for the rest of the walk. Instead they keep a slow and steady pace that leads them back at Niall’s apartment. Zayn had refused to let him walk alone in the dark. Niall had suggested that they break off and head their separate ways but Zayn had shook his head and kept walking in the direction that Niall was headed.

They’re at Niall’s door and Niall can hear the sound of the television floating out through the closed door. It's mean that Louis is home and waiting for him.

“I think that Harry’s excuse was bullshit,” Zayn says and Niall turns to him with his head cocked to the side. “I think that Harry is a coward, no offense. I know you love him but if he’s going to break things off then you should know that he’s pathetic for doing this to you. You deserve better. And I hope you do decide to see other people.”

With that Zayn tips his head in Niall’s direction before turning and leaving.

~~

“Niall, it’s been three days. Don't you want to get off the couch?”

Niall shifts his gaze away from the turned off television and towards Louis. He looks at him for a moment before going back to staring blankly at the television.

Niall had thought that going to school without Harry would be fine. He would be okay. Everything would be okay because Harry wasn’t there. He was off at his internship and they would have awkward encounters across campus. He wouldn’t have to see Harry so that should have made things easier. But things weren’t easy.

The kids at school would constantly ask Niall about Harry and where he was and why he wasn’t with Niall. They asked him why they broke up and what he did wrong. Niall has no idea why everyone is assuming that he’s the one that caused this. But Niall is beginning to get the same opinion as them.

They’ve stopped asking him where Harry is and questioning him on his relationship. No, instead they whisper behind his back when he walks down the halls or through the courtyard. He’s seen the neighbors in his apartment complex shake their head at him as he walks by. He’s not sure if they’re disappointed in him for letting Harry go or if they pity him for his boyfriend walking out. 

Either way it’s bullshit but it’s managed to crawl under his skin and make a home there. And that’s why he’s burrowed himself on the couch. He doesn’t cry. He refuses to cry. 

“Okay, seriously, this is getting out of hand. You need to snap out of it. Fuck, Harry. Fuck him. He’s a piece of shit and you’re not going to sit here on this couch and mope about it.” 

Niall ignores Louis. He doesn’t even bother looking at him this time. He just continues letting his body maintain their natural functions. The only things he wants to do are the things he can’t control. Like let his heart beat, let his lungs receive oxygen, blink. He doesn’t want to do anything if he doesn’t have too.

Nothing feels the same without Harry. And he can’t even go and have a lie in on his own bed because it’s tainted with Harry and his smell.

“Niall James Horan, I am not fucking playing with you. Get up now,” Louis demands. And this time Niall listens. He doesn’t go far but at least he’s sitting up. “You smell,” Louis says. 

“Thanks, Lou.”

“Oh so you do talk. I was beginning to think that you had forgotten how to do that just like how you had forgotten how to be normal member of society.”

“Not all of us are lucky enough to have a boyfriend that care,” Niall spits out as he turns to glare at Louis. “I think I’m allowed a fucking moment to be upset about this. I’m sorry if that’s something you can’t understand but it’s something that I need.”

“I understand that, but you being like this isn’t making anything better. It doesn’t make the pain go away. Sitting here and staring at the wall isn’t going to bring Harry back.”

Niall nods his head and rises up off the couch. He shakes the blankets off his body and slips on his shoes. He runs his hands through his hair, that’s coated in grease and he tries not to think about how Louis is probably right about the smell, before grabbing his keys and phone. 

“Where are you going?” Louis asks.

~~

Niall steps out of the shower and breathes a sigh of relief that he can no longer feel the layer of grime and dirt on his skin and in his hair. He feels lighter and like a weight was lifted off of him. He rubs the towel along his body to wipe off the water droplets.

When he’s finished he sets the towel down on the ledge of the sink and stares at his foggy image in the mirror. He takes a deep breath and lets himself know that he’s all right.

Niall grabs the clothes that are left lying down for him on the sinks counter top and gets dressed slowly. He’s hesitant to leave the warm, and comfortable bathroom. But it’s not his bathroom and he thinks that it would be rude to show up at someone else’s house and ask to use their shower, borrow their clothes and then curl up on the floor in their bathroom. That doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it. He thought about it the entire time he was in the shower.

He sighs as he swings open the bathroom door carrying the clothes he came here in. He tosses them onto Zayn’s bed before leaving his bedroom to go and find the other boy.

He finds Zayn sprawled out on the couch and reading a book. He didn’t ask why Niall had showed up and he didn’t ask when Niall asked him to make sure Louis and Liam can’t find him. He makes sure that he asks Zayn to keep Liam out of the apartment. Zayn doesn’t ask him why he smells or why his hair is matted down and knotted in the back. And that’s probably why Zayn was so accepting of Niall getting off his couch to say he wants a shower.

Niall’s grateful. He didn’t know where to go when he had walked out of his and Louis’ apartment but he knew that if anyone would just let him be it would be Zayn.

And Zayn hasn’t asked questions. When Niall sits down on the other couch Zayn just tosses him the remote and rolls over so he can lie on his side, facing Niall, and read his book. Niall changes the channel to some random program about how alligators kill their prey and sits in silence with Zayn so he can collect his thoughts.

Zayn never asks so Niall never tells.

~~

Niall gets home twenty minutes after eleven. He leaves Zayn and Liam’s apartment at the same time Liam texts and says he’s coming back. He passes Liam on the walk and smiles at him and assures him that he’s okay. 

Liam shakes his head and hugs Niall close. He squeezes Niall so tightly that he thinks his lungs must bust through his ribcage. Liam holds onto him for several seconds before pulling away and telling Niall that he hopes he’s okay.

Liam lets him go though with the knowledge that Louis is out of his mind with worry. And it braces Niall for the fact that as soon as he swings the door open Louis rushes out of nowhere and throws himself onto Niall. 

“I’m so sorry,” Louis shouts in Niall’s ear. “I am so sorry.” He pulls away so he can kiss Niall on the cheek.

Niall is staggering from Louis’ weight as he closes the front door and drags Louis and himself towards the living room. He falls down onto the couch and Louis remains on top of him with his head buried deep into Niall’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I’m such an asshole. I’m walking around all happy and you’re here and miserable. I should be more understanding. I—please don’t hate me,” Louis says as he breaks down into tears.

Niall laughs and bites at Louis’ ear. “Shut up you cow. I don’t hate you. What are you going on about?”

“You stormed out and left me here alone with Daisy. I thought I was going to have to raise your orphan child. She hisses at me. Niall, don’t laugh.”

“I just needed some fresh air.”

“I—are you sure you’re not angry? I mean,” Louis pauses and lifts his head up and begins sniffing the air. He does it dramatically with his head turned up and his nostrils flared as he turns his head in every direction. Finally he leans down and takes a deep breath of Niall’s scent. “You’re clean. You don’t smell like road kill anymore. Why are you clean?”

“I took a shower, you moron.”

“Oh.” Louis doesn’t ask where. He seems to have just accepted the fact stink is no longer permeating their apartment. “I have a really good idea. We’re going to burn your mattress. I know why you won’t sleep in it. I feel silly not having caught on sooner, but darling Liam informed me that it’s because of Harry and the fact that he touched it. I can’t blame you though; I’d be repulsed as well. But we’re going to set it aflame and throw it out the window and watch as it turns to ash. It’ll be symbolic and kick ass.”

“I don’t think we should do that.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Liam says it’s an excellent idea.”

“No he didn’t. And if he did you probably had your hand around his cock." 

Louis smirks at Niall before taking his hands and rubbing them all over Niall's face.

“Oi,” Niall shouts as he starts shoving at Louis to get him off. Louis simply removes his hands from Niall’s face and begins to tickle his ribcage. It causes Niall to break out in a fit of giggles.

Eventually Louis stops, and Niall is wheezing to try and catch his breath and it feels good. It feels good to laugh.


	13. Chapter 13

Niall glares through the kitchen doorway as he watches Louis and Liam cuddling on the couch. It’s sickening, cute, but sickening. He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water and throws his head back to copy the laugh Louis was making a few moments ago. He hears Louis whispering, or attempting to, into Liam’s ear. It’s suggestive and it makes Niall want to toss the full bottle across the room. He would and he hopes it would hit Louis on the forehead. But he doesn’t want to listen to Louis whine about how his head hurts so he refrains. 

Instead he uncaps the bottle and takes a quick swig before pulling out his phone and texting Zayn. 

Louis and Liam are being disgusting as shit again. _Can I come over? Or you busy?_

The reply is almost instant and Niall smiles to himself when he sees, **nah just reading. Come over.**

It’s now a common occurrence that when Liam comes over without Zayn Niall will get annoyed and slip out of his own apartment to go wherever Zayn is. He still can’t stand to see a happy couple. His memory always flashes back to moments with Harry and scenarios that have taken place in the last three years. He doesn’t want to be around that, not yet, so he goes to Zayn. 

Usually they’re sitting in the back of the library doing homework or trying to find new books on poetry and famous artists that Zayn can take home. Niall has learned how much Zayn likes to sit in silence and read. Or well now he’s learned how Zayn likes to sit and read while Niall chats about his life or watches sports on television when they make it back to Zayn’s apartment. 

When they’re at Zayn’s apartment usually he’s reading or writing or drawing. He’s always got a book in hand whether it’s a literary book or a sketchbook filled with drawings and excerpts. And Zayn still doesn’t talk much but Niall has managed to get him talking about how he has three sisters and how he likes peppermint tea over the other kinds. How Zayn doesn’t eat pork but that’s okay because Niall shares a love affair with chicken as well. Zayn also works at a small bookstore every Tuesday and Thursday because those are the only days the swim team doesn’t have practice. 

And Niall has learned that Zayn is really good at swimming. He’s hesitant and shy when he’s standing along the edge of the pool but as soon as his body is submerged he takes on a strong confidence that makes Niall’s head spin. Niall is grateful that Liam is on the swim team as well so when Louis is drooling over Liam he doesn’t notice that Niall can’t take his eyes off the stretching of Zayn’s muscles as the water rolls down his skin. 

But that’s not something he takes time to think about because Niall enjoys having someone other than Louis in his friendship circle. Or someone other than Louis that he can say he’s close with. Zayn has kind of merged himself into their little group but more often that not Zayn declines group outings and that’s when it becomes just the two of them. He never turns down Niall’s offers to visit him.

Liam and Louis have no idea where Niall sneaks off to everyday. Louis has come up with theories Niall is out selling small school children or he secretly has a wife and a stepson. None of his theories make sense but Louis will find ways to tie things Niall says in passing or if he catches Niall looking at something he’ll find a way to relate it back to something he’s come up with in his head. 

They still haven’t figured out that Niall goes to see Zayn. He’s not sure why he hasn’t said anything about it. And he’s not sure why he doesn’t say anything now as he caps his water bottle, pockets his phone, and slips out of their apartment. 

~~ 

“Those two need to learn some self control,” Niall says as he closes Zayn’s front door behind him. “Oh and hi,” Niall drops down on the couch and lies on his back. Zayn is lying down on the floor with a sketchpad in front of him and charcoal pencils scattered across the dingy hardwood. 

“What’d they do this time?” Zayn asks.

Niall sighs and rolls over so he’s on his side, one hand folded up so he can prop his head off the couch. “Just cuddling up together but I could Louis whispering shit in his ear. Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous.” 

Zayn bobs his head and glides the charcoal across the paper. Niall can only see the corner of it but he assumes it’s the drawing of Liam he’s been trying to master for the past two weeks. “I caught them with their pants down in the kitchen the other day. Before Louis left I dropped a bottle of cleaner on the table and forced them to clean the entire thing. We could probably eat lunch off of it if you’re hungry.”

“I am hungry but I am not interested in eating off your dirty floor.” Zayn shrugs his shoulders and changes pencils. “How’s the drawing going?”

“It’s all right. Having trouble getting Liam’s mouth to cooperate with me though. It kind of looks like he’s wearing dentures a bit.” Zayn holds up the sketchbook so Niall can see and Niall fights down a barking laughing that’s threatening to escape his mouth as he stares at the portrait. “Told you it was bad.”

“You’re talented. I think its Liam that’s the problem.” Niall says as he jumps off the couch and makes his way towards the kitchen. “Chicken sandwich good for lunch or do you want tuna?” Niall bites back a giggle when he sees the disgusted face that Zayn pulls at the thought of tuna. 

They spend the afternoon munching on sandwiches as Zayn finishes his drawing. It leaves Niall the chance to watch a movie and ramble on about how stupid the characters are. Niall loves watching movies with Zayn because he lets him talk in all the parts most people get annoyed with him for. 

He doesn’t register he’s fallen asleep until he feels Zayn cover him with a blanket and shut off the tv before curling up on the floor with his sketchpad, this time looking at Niall. 

~~ 

The school’s pool is indoors in a building made of concrete and glass. It’s fifteen degrees hotter than the rest of the school and it’s humid and Niall sweats profusely every time he enters. It’s Wednesday and Niall has books stacked up high next to him as he tries to complete his American Literature class. He’s trying to read _The Scarlet Letter_ , jot notes down, listen to Louis ramble on about the complex beauties of seeing Liam in a speedo, and catch subtle glances of Zayn in the water. 

“Look at his arms. Niall, look at his arms,” Louis demands as he glares at Niall momentarily before shifting his attention back to his boyfriend. “They’re beautiful. They should win an award. Does the school have those kinds of awards? Do you think I could submit him to something? Everyone should be able to get a peek at them.”

“He bum is spilling out of those bottoms,” Niall says he spares a glance at Liam who is standing at the edge of the water laughing with a boy from Niall’s history class. 

“I know, it’s marvelous, isn’t it? Zayn doesn’t look so bad either.” 

Niall shifts his eyes over towards Zayn and sees him standing near the benches taking a sip out of his water bottle. He’s not as built as Liam his. His arms aren’t nearly as defined and you can’t see the muscle definition in his legs and arms like you can in Liam’s. He’s lankier where Liam is wide. 

“He looks all right.”

Louis snorts and rolls his eyes at Niall. “Keep saying that Horan.” 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing. What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that you’re freshly single and fit and he’s single and fit and also probably the most beautiful person to grace this planet,” Louis says with a casual shrug. “I mean, he’s no Liam Payne but he’s still pretty.” 

This time Niall snorts and rolls his eyes at his best friend. “What are you going on about?”

“I’m just saying maybe you could you know convince Zayn to go for a swim without those skimpy little bottoms.”

“I am not having sex in the school pool with Zayn. Are you out of your mind?”

“Why not? Not like you’d be the first,” Louis says with a mischievous grin on his face. “I’m only saying you haven’t even spoken or seen Harry in three weeks time so why not go out and explore new things. I’m sure he is.”

Niall stills and drops the pen he was holding with a loud clank as he hits the metal bleachers. 

“Shit,” Louis says. “I didn’t mean it. Fuck, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it to hurt you. I’m sorry. I just think you shouldn’t waste your time sitting around thinking about him or worrying about him. I just want you happy. I’m sorry.”

And Niall hasn’t thought about Harry in over a week. He’s pushed all thoughts of the curly haired boy to the back is mind and has locked them away in a box. It’s why he flees every time Louis and Liam are together and he has no one to distract himself with. It’s why he flees every chance he gets to Zayn’s apartment. Zayn lets him talk and talk and talk until he can’t talk anymore and doesn’t question the fact that Niall is only rambling on so that he’s not left in the silence of his mind where his thoughts can drift back to late nights curled up into Harry. 

He hasn’t allowed himself to think about Harry. He hasn’t allowed himself to feel the gaping ache in his chest. And he sure as hell hasn’t thought about Harry with someone else. And now he can’t get it out of his head. He can’t stop picturing Harry and some boy or girl wrapped up around each other in bed or walking around town holding hands and laughing brightly. 

Now Niall can’t stop thinking about Harry smiling for someone other than him. 

He slams his book closed and gathers up all of his stuff. He ignores Louis shouting after him and he ignores Zayn’s inquiring stares as he jogs out of the building. He ignores everyone except the constant replay in his head about Harry belonging to someone else. 

~~

**Art building. Room 212 B.**

Niall reads the text and sighs as he gets up off the dock by the lake. He makes his way back towards school. He takes the long route and it’s nearly 45 minutes later before he’s making his way down the unfamiliar hallway that houses room 212 B. 

Niall has never been in this part of school. It’s the art building but he recognizes this area to be the studios giving to the art kids. He finds room 212 and sees that it’s one door and when you step inside you’re met with a white walled foyer with two different doors, one on the left and one on the right. The one on the left is the one that he wants. It’s white with a tiny slit for a window and he sees Zayn inside of it standing in front of a massive canvas propped up against the wall. 

Niall knocks before opening the door and walking inside of it. The walls are white with pictures pinned up of people and nature and street art found around the city. There are sketches scattering the surface along with a giant table pressed up against the east wall. The table is littered with paints, pencils, and notebooks. 

There are four canvases lined up along the back walls set up on metal easels. They’re abstract and full of color and Niall has no idea what is happening inside of them but he knows that looking at them causes his stomach to swirl and he can feel the art that’s before him. 

Niall jumps when Zayn clears his throat from behind him. 

“Oh shit,” Niall says as he clutches his heart. “I forgot you were in here.”

Zayn smiles at him and bobs his head. “Sorry.”

“Why did you invite me down here?”

“You seemed upset earlier and I just figured you might be wanting some company,” Zayn says with an easy smile and a shrug of his shoulders. “So, are you all right?”

Niall shifts his attention towards the drawings on the wall. They’re different from the work on canvas. They’re all drawings of people and Niall can see how much Zayn pays attention to things, to people, and how he studies them. So Niall knows that there is no point in trying to hide the fact that he was upset and that something is bothering him. 

“Louis made a comment, and it just rubbed me the wrong way.” 

“About Harry?”

Niall nods his head and turns his attention away from the portrait of the homeless guy outside of the coffee shop a few blocks from school and looks at Zayn. “How did you know?”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders and gathers up the paintbrushes on the edge of the table. He carries them over towards the sink in the corner so he can clean them off. “Not much else seems to bother or upset you.”

“Is that bad?” Niall questions and he feels his shoulders pull inwards as he casts his eyes down towards the floor. 

“It’s not bad to feel anyway about anything. You’re allowed to be upset and feel any way you want. I can’t tell you different. But Louis already told me what happened or well he told Liam and I overheard but I think that you’re holding yourself back from a lot by being hung up on Harry. I think that,” Zayn shuts off the water and sets the brushes down on the counter top and take a deep breathe. He braces himself on the edge of the counter and doesn’t turn towards Niall when he says, “I think that you’re holding yourself back from experiencing other and better things. I think you’re not allowing yourself to see what is right in front of you.”

Niall looks up the same time that Zayn turns towards him and suddenly Niall is hit with the realization that Zayn is the other and better things that he was talking about. 

~~ 

Four days later Niall goes to a party with Zayn, the same party as Harry.


	14. Chapter 14

The music is loud and it’s sending vibrations off the walls and floor that’s radiating through Niall’s body. They’re at a fraternity for their school and it’s their annual rush week celebrations. There are kegs lined up against the back wall and there are buckets of beer set up inside the kitchen. It’s packed and Niall can feel sweat trickling down his back as he tries to make his way through the crowd. He has a firm grip on the back of Zayn’s shirt so they don’t get separated. They’ve already lost Liam and Louis but Niall suspects that they purposely went their own way.

It’s hot and Niall really wants to go and get a drink but Zayn is leading them outside and as much as Niall wants to groan in annoyance he doesn’t, because it’s hot and he really wants to escape the sea of people. Zayn reaches around and grabs a hold of Niall’s arm and pulls him out the backdoor. There is a bonfire going in the far back but there is significantly less people and Niall let’s out a deep breath at no longer having to smell sweat.

“I’m going to go back and get us a couple drinks. Wait for me here?” Zayn says.

Niall nods and flashes him a grateful smile before dropping down on the patio furniture. He doesn’t feel like waiting for Zayn so he pulls out his phone and begins playing around with the downloaded games.

“How’s Daisy?”

Niall nearly drops his phone at the sound of that voice. He shifts his attention upwards and sees Harry standing in front of him with a beer in hand. “Fine,” Niall says as he pockets his phone. “What are you doing here?”

“I was invited,” Harry says as he shrugs his shoulders. “Did you come here alone?”

Niall shakes his head. “No. Liam and Louis are around here somewhere.”

“So you just came with them?”

“Zayn is getting me a drink.”

Harry lets out a bitter laugh. “Of course he is.”

“Harry, I really don’t have time for this right now. I came to have fun. I really think you should leave me alone. I really don’t want to hear you hate on Zayn right now.”

“Of course you don’t,” Harry says as he turns around and heads back inside.

Niall barely has a moment to catch his breath and process what happened before he sees a brown bottle drop down in front of him. He looks up and sees Zayn pulling up a chair next to him.

“All right?” Zayn asks.

“Harry’s here,” Niall says as he takes a long pull from his bottle. “He was just out here.”

Zayn nods his head and studies Niall carefully. “Are you okay?”

Niall nods his head and reaches out so he can rest his right hand on Zayn’s knee.

~~ 

Niall gets up to go and get himself another drink. Zayn had gone off to go to the bathroom minutes ago and Niall knows that the line is probably circling around the house. He pushes his way through swarms of people so he can reach the kitchen.

He takes a short cut through the living room and tries to shove his way through the people crowding around him. He stops in his tracks when he sees Harry on the other side of the room. He’s dancing with a blonde and he has his hands wrapped around her waist and their bodies are inches apart.

Niall glares at them for a moment until Harry’s eyes connect with his. He smirks and Niall can only shake his head in disappointment before making a beeline into the kitchen. He grabs four bottles of beer, two for him and two for Zayn. 

He heads out to the backyard again and waits for Zayn. As soon as Zayn comes stumbling through the doorway Niall jumps up and wraps his arms around him in a hug. He holds on tight and takes a deep breath in Zayn’s shirt as the other boy wraps his arms around him.

“Are you okay?” Zayn says and his voice is laced with concern.

Niall nods but doesn’t say anything. He continues to hold onto Zayn in the middle of the deck as he steadies his breathing. He works on pushing the image of Harry and the blonde to the back of his mind.

~~

It’s nearing one in the morning and the party hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down. He and Zayn had joined people by the bon fire and talked in hushed whispers about music and the future; what they wanted to do with their lives once school was over and where they wanted to travel too. Niall still hasn’t told Zayn what he saw before that caused him to need comfort and he can tell that Zayn is dying to know but Zayn doesn't push him.

It’s nice by the fire but Niall can feel himself the buzz from the alcohol coursing through his veins and he really wants to go inside and join the rest of the people at the party. He turns to Zayn and presses his lips close to his ear. “I really want to dance,” Niall says. “I want to go inside.”

“I don’t really dance,” Zayn says. 

“What? Nonsense.” Niall stands up and pulls Zayn with him so he can lead him back into the house. He drags Zayn into the living room and settles them in the middle of the crowd of swaying bodies.

Niall wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck and begins to move his body to the beat of the music. He has no idea how to dance and knows that he looks like an idiot but he also knows that he can’t sit any longer.

Zayn stands still and lets Niall press his body into his own as the music continues playing around them. Niall watches as Zayn looks around nervously, like he wants to find a way out. “Zayn, you’re okay. Dance with me.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I really don’t dance. I don’t know how.”

“You just move your body.” Niall drops his hands from around Zayn’s neck and clutches onto Zayn’s hip so he can move them around in time with his own. “You need to loosen up. Just move your body.”

Niall hears Zayn let out a tiny groan before succumbing to Niall’s demands. His movements are stiff and forced but he’s dancing and Niall can’t help but move his body even more with glee. 

They’re dancing for who only knows how long and Zayn is finally laughing and jumping around in Niall’s hold as their bodies collide with other people. He’s throwing his head back with laughter and Niall is hit with the sudden urge to press his lips against Zayn. He wants to see if they’re as soft as they look. So he does.

Niall lens up and wraps his hand around the back of Zayn’s neck before pulling him down and pressing his lips against Zayn’s. He moves slowly, short little pecks that slowly lead into their mouths moving together. He can feel Zayn’s grip on his shirt and he can’t help but squeeze the back of Zayn’s neck lightly. 

Niall pulls away, panting lightly, and stares at Zayn that is until Zayn is shoved out of Niall’s hold. Niall’s mouth drops open when he turns his head in time to see Harry’s fist colliding with the right side of Zayn’s face.

“Harry,” Niall screams as he rushes forward and pulls on Harry’s waist. “What the fuck is the matter with you?”

Harry continues throwing his arms around in an attempt to make contact with Zayn. Niall manages to get Harry off of Zayn long enough to step in between them.

“Move,” Harry demands.

“No,” Niall says as he shoves Harry. The party has stilled around them and Niall is furious. “Are you out of your mind? Why would you hit him?”

“Why would you kiss him?”

“What do you care? We're not together anymore remember? You broke up with me. You broke up with me because you wanted me to kiss Zayn.” Niall turns around and sees Zayn rubbing at his right eye. Niall reaches out and grabs onto Zayn’s arm. “Are you okay?”

“’M fine,” Zayn says.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Zayn nods and Niall turns around so he can pull Zayn in the direction of the exit. Harry steps in front of them and stares at Zayn for a moment before turning back to Niall. “I can’t let you leave with him.”

Niall rolls his eyes and tightens his grip on Zayn’s arm as he pulls him out of the frat house door.

~~

Zayn sets down the ice pack so Niall can examine his eyes. “I can’t believe that asshole hit you, and you didn’t even fight back.”

“Wasn’t worth it,” Zayn says as Niall tilts his head to get a better look. “I seem to have gotten the better end of the deal anyway.”

“Yeah? Why is that?”

“Well Harry is at home, alone or at the party, alone, while I’m here with you as you mend my battle wounds.”

Niall lets out a snort and rolls his eyes. They’re inside of Zayn’s apartment since Niall refused to let him go home alone. They always end up at Zayn’s apartment. Niall wishes their first kiss had been here and not in the middle of a crowded party's dance floor with a hundred other people standing around them.

“Can I draw you?” Zayn asks as he reaches up and runs his finger along Niall’s jaw.

Niall nods his head as Zayn’s fingers trace the bottom of his lip. Zayn smiles and leads Niall into his living room. He pushes Niall down into the chair and hands him a book of poems.

He waits while Zayn gathers his sketchbook and graphite pencils. Zayn settles himself on the floor and tells Niall to read the book. Niall does as he’s told but makes sure to keep one eye on Zayn so he watch his hand glide along the page as he lays down lines and lines forming shapes and shadows and Niall can’t help but marvel at how talented Zayn is.

“Are you going to read or stare at me?” Zayn asks, never taking his eyes off the paper.

Niall blushes as he skims through the book looking for something to read. The text is old and Niall has a hard time understanding most of the words. He wonders if Zayn knows what they mean. If he could read them to Niall and make Niall understand the words written across the pages. Niall runs his fingers along the worn pages and tries to think of how many times Zayn has probably read these. How many people Zayn has shared these with.

Niall looks down once more towards Zayn who is sitting shins and looking Niall in concentration before moving his hand along the paper. Niall continues flipping through the book before settling on one poem.

“I am not yours, not lost in you,” Niall starts as his eyes scan over the words in front of him. “Not lost, although I long to be  
Lost as a candle lit at noon,  
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.”

Niall shifts his eyes up down towards Zayn and sees that his hand has stilled over the paper. “You love me, and I find you still  
A spirit beautiful and bright,  
Yet I am I, who long to be  
Lost as a light is lost in light.”

Niall can see that Zayn has shifted his attention towards him instead of the paper. He sees the pencil roll out of Zayn’s hand and onto the rug in front of him. “Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out  
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,  
Swept by the tempest of your love,  
A taper in a rushing wind.”

Niall finishes the poem and stares at the page for a moment longer before averting his eyes towards the other boy. Zayn stares at Niall for a moment and Niall can feel the air being pulled from his lungs. Niall waits until Zayn shifts his gaze back towards the drawing before letting out a shaky breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem is called 'I Am Not Yours' by Sara Teasdale.


	15. Chapter 15

Niall wakes up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed. It’s unfamiliar until he rubs the sleep from his eyes and blinks steadily as he scans his surroundings. He recognizes the posters on the walls and the thick black comforter that belongs to Zayn instantly. He scans the room again and sees that Zayn is nowhere to be found. He peels the blankets back and tries to remember when he fell asleep or how he managed to get to Zayn’s bed, alone, in his clothes from last night.

He tiptoes out of the room, careful not to wake anyone else in the apartment, and makes his way towards the living area. He looks around and sees a bundle of blankets on the couch that's movement follows the steady rise and fall of someone’s chest. He can see that Liam’s bedroom door is open so he assumes that he spent the night with Louis as he makes his way towards the sleeping body on the couch. He gently tugs on the blankets until he can see a black bundle of hair that could only belongs to Zayn. He pulls the blanket back more and kneels down next to the couch so he gently coax Zayn out of sleep.

Niall rubs his hand up and down Zayn’s back and he continuously says his name in a mantra. Zayn lets out a tiny groan and mumbles something about leaving him alone before he rolls over and smiles sleepily up at Niall. His eye is purple from where Harry’s fist connected with the skin.

“Morning,” Zayn says as he rubs his face and he continues smiling up at Niall. “How’d you sleep?”

Niall waits for Zayn to sit up before he joins him on the couch. “Good, but when did I even fall asleep? Why didn't you just put me on the couch?”

“You fell asleep while I was drawing you so I just put you in my bed,” Zayn says as he shrugs in nonchalance.

Niall nods his head and studies Zayn for a moment before speaking, “but why didn't you just put me on the couch? Or sleep in your bed with me? We can share.”

“I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and you’re the guest so it’s only fair that you get to use the bed.”

Niall is yet again reminded about how different Zayn is from any other person he’s ever met. They had kissed last night, and a normal person would take that a silent confirmation that they were okay to share a bed. But Zayn isn’t the type of person to slip into bed next to a sleeping Niall and let the blonde curl into him. And it’s a bit disconcerting to Niall how much he really wants to lie in bed Zayn and have the other boys arms wrapped around him.

~~

“Well, well, well look who we have here. Do you know what time it is?”

Niall bites back a groan at having been caught sneaking back into his apartment later that morning. Zayn had cooked him pancakes and listened as Niall chatted on about how much he was going to get into from Louis for disappearing and letting his phone die. He had left shorter after breakfast, but not before kissing Zayn with his fingers tangled in the boys hair and his free hand gripping his shirt like his life depended on it.

“Hi, Lou,” Niall says as he drops his wallet and keys down on the table next to the door. “Where’s Liam?”

“He’s in bed, sleeping, but I have been up all night pacing, because you don’t know how to answer the phone.”

Niall turns towards Louis and sees the elder with his arms crossed and his hip popped out to the side. “I fell asleep at friends house. We left the party together and I went back to his place, and I ended up passing out. No big deal.”

“No. No big deal is calling so I’m not sitting here worried about you being out on the streets drunk with no one to look after you. Who is this friend? Is this the same friend whose apartment you’ve been sneaking off too every chance you get?”

“Well, dad,” Niall starts, “you do know him, but it’s none of your business who he is, and yes this is the same person I go and see all the time.”

Niall isn’t ready to talk to Louis about his sudden fascination with Zayn or the fact that he can’t seem to stop going over to his house and watching the way his eyelashes flutter every time he blinks. Or the way that his tongue peeks out ever so slightly when he’s reading or drawing, or even how Niall is dying to know what Zayn keeps drawing in the sketchbook he carries with him everyday.

He doesn’t know why he can’t share this information with Louis. The only thing he’s sure of is that he wants to keep Zayn to himself as long as he possibly can.

“Well you keep your secrets, Niall, but don’t stay out and not tell me. I know it’s dumb, but I was really worried. People kept talking about how Harry was punching people at the party, or maybe it was only one person, but they kept saying he was hitting people and then your name was dropped and then you wouldn’t answer your phone. I was freaked out.”

“I’m sorry,” Niall says as he takes a step forward and wraps his arms around his best friend. “Harry did hit someone, and it wasn’t me. I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve just been worried about you since you guys broke up. You’re always out with someone that I don’t even know and I have no idea how you are anymore. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“No,” Louis says as he pulls away and braces his arms on Niall’s shoulders. “Are you really okay? Like, I mean are you good with life and the break up and everything else?”

“Louis,” Niall says with a laugh. “I promise that I am okay.”

And Niall thinks that he’s really not okay, but he is when he’s with Zayn. And that, well that is something he really needs to think about.

~~

Niall is drug to the movie theater with Louis the following day. It’s supposed to be best friends day out and obviously the best way to spend time with your friend is in a dark room where no talking is allowed for a couple hours. They’ve spent the entire twenty-four hours together though and Niall is hit with just how much he’s missed spending time with Louis. He hasn’t spoken to Zayn since he left his apartment the day before but Zayn hasn’t tried to contact him either so he figures it’s okay.

They’re waiting in line for popcorn when Niall hears Louis shouting Liam’s name. He’s waving his arms in the air and bouncing up and down in the spot he’s standing. He turns his attention towards Niall once Liam has begun to make his way towards him, Zayn in tow.

“I thought this was best friends day,” Niall says through his teeth as he takes a step forward in line.

“What? Liam and Zayn are best friends too and Liam is my boyfriend so he’s my other best friend, and don’t you want to get to know Zayn more? You guys have spent no time together and it’s hurtful how Liam and I have to go back and forth between you two. Please be nice.”

Niall glares at Louis for a moment before stepping forward and ordering four bags of popcorn. He can hear the three of them chatting behind him but he takes his time as he adds on four sodas to his order. He really doesn’t give a shit if one of them isn’t happy with the drinks he gets them. They’ll get over it.

He hands out the drinks and popcorn one at a time before he follows the boys over towards the area where you can add seasoning to your popcorn and pick up straws and napkins. The entire walk over Louis is muttering in his ear about how he needs to remember to be nice to Zayn and that he has to sit next to Zayn during the movie. Niall knows that it’s a strategic strategy to force Niall and Zayn to talk, which is annoying in of itself because Niall has no problem talking to Zayn.

“Wait, where did you get that black eye?” Niall hears Louis ask and he nearly drops the soda in his hand that he’s handing over to Liam.

“He won’t tell me,” Liam says he pops a piece of popcorn in his mouth.

“I don’t really remember.”

“That’s odd,” Louis says as he scans Zayn’s face. “Harry was said to be beating people last night, and we all know he’s not your biggest fan and you show up the next morning with a bruise.”

Niall looks over at Zayn through the corner of his eyes and sees that the other boy is doing the same. They share a look before turning back towards Louis whose mouth is dropped open.

“Harry hit you,” Louis shouts. Zayn shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak. “No, shut up, don’t lie to me. Harry hit you, but he wouldn’t do that…unless-“ Louis’ mouth drops open again and his eyes go wide as he points back and forth between Zayn and Niall. “Since when,” he breathes out through a gasp.

“I don’t understand,” Liam says.

“Niall has been sneaking off to see your best friend behind our backs. That’s where he’s been running off too. I KNEW IT,” Louis shouts.

“You didn’t know anything,” Niall shoots back as he snatches the salt off the counter and sprinkles it onto his popcorn. “You thought Harry had hit me.”

“Wait what?” Liam says.

“Jesus Christ, Zayn and I have been spending time together. I go over to your apartment every time you leave and see Zayn. I spend all my free time with Zayn. I kissed Zayn at the party when we were dancing and Harry got pissed and hit him. I slept at your apartment last night, alone, and kissed Zayn again this morning and now we’re here acting like nothing has happened. Now can we move on and go inside the theater?”

Niall grabs his popcorn and drink off the counter as he stomps away. He can hear Zayn chuckling behind him and Louis muttering about how he knew it all along.

Niall drops down in a seat in the back row and waits as the other boys pile in around him. They’ve made it just in time for the previews of movies that are soon to be released. Zayn side steps Louis and and Liam and settles in on Niall’s other side.

It’s halfway through the movie when Niall feels a hand slip inside of his. It’s warm and strong. And he’s thankful that the theatre is dark because he’s positive that the blush creeping from his cheeks to his neck and down his arms would be extremely embarrassing. And Niall doesn’t want to hear Louis making rude comments about the fact that Zayn has laced his fingers with Niall’s and keeps running his thumb up and down the back of Niall’s hand.

Niall is also thankful for the volume of the movie because he’s sure that his heartbeat is reverberating off the walls. 

~~

They’re walking back towards their apartments and Niall and Zayn are trailing behind Louis and Liam with their fingers interlocked and swinging idly in between them.

“So, I wanted to ask you something,” Zayn says and his voice is dropped low, not a whisper, but quiet enough that Louis and Liam can’t hear. “And I want you to keep an open mind about it.”

“Okay,” Niall says as he turns his head to the side to look at Zayn.

“I don’t know if this is something that you’d be interested in but I was wondering if you’d want to go out with me tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, sure,” Niall says as he shrugs his shoulders. “There’s a game on tomorrow so we can get together then and you can work on sketches or do whatever it is you do with that book.”

“No,” Zayn says as he comes to a halt. “I was wondering if you want to go out with me on a date. Just the two of us, out in the world and not locked away in my living room with a tv or a notebook.”

Niall is a shocked but he doesn’t trust his mouth to talk for him because he can feel his heart thumping and his mouth has gone dry and he really wants to surge forward and spell out the word yes against Zayn’s mouth. So he does, and he doesn’t stop when Louis hollers at them for falling behind. Niall really doesn’t care because Zayn’s mouth is warm and his lips are soft and his mouth moves with Niall’s in the most amazing way possible. Plus he’s not sure Zayn understands yet that he's agreeing to go out with him.


	16. Chapter 16

“So where is Zayn taking you?”

“Umm,” Niall says as he slips inside of the blanks pants he found lying on his bedroom floor. “He said that we’re going to do mini-golf and dinner.”

“Zayn mini-golfs?” Louis asks in disbelief.

“Apparently so. He said he wanted to do a standard date and so this is what we’re doing. I have to meet him there though.”

Niall starts throwing clothes from off his floor as he begins his shift for a clean shirt. He hasn’t done laundry in weeks. He kind of wishes that Zayn wouldn’t have sprung this on him so soon because then he’d have been able to get all his clothes washed and line potential outfits on his bed and think for a few days about which one fits the mood.

He settles for a plain white shirt and hopes that Zayn will still like it. 

“It’s weird, ya know? You and Zayn going out on a date.”

“Why is it weird?”

“Well for starters,” Louis says as he flops down on Niall’s bed. “Zayn is hot. You’re a good-looking man yourself; Niall, but you’re no Zayn Malik. And he’s quiet and he’s into poetry and art. He makes art. He hangs out in the library for fun, and he carries a notebook everywhere. Plus he dresses very nice, and you kind of well you look like you’re not trying at all.”

“I’m not trying. I don’t care about clothes.”

“I mean half the time your nipples are hanging out of your shirts.”

Niall laughs as he slips the white shirt over his head. “You’re out of your mind. Liam is just as different to you as Zayn is to me.”

“Yeah, but Liam and I are soul mates.”

“Are you now?”

“Yeah. I had a feeling that we were so I went out and got our palms read and the lady confirmed that we really are destined to be together forever. It’s really romantic.” 

“Liam went to fortune teller?”

Louis nods his head and smiles. “It wasn’t something he wanted to do, but I begged and he caved. I don’t understand how anyone could not want to know if they were soul mates or not.”

“I’m happy for you Lou. But I’ve got to run if I’m going to be on time. I’ll see you later.” 

~~

“I thought you said that you were bad at this,” Zayn says as he watches Niall get a hole in one for the eighth time in a row.

Niall giggles and bats his eyes at Zayn as he watches Zayn continue to try and hit the ball into the hole. Niall laughs when it takes Zayn six strokes before he gets fed up and drags Niall to the next part.

Niall gets another one in easy and when it’s Zayn turn he slips in behind him and wraps his arms around the boy so he can rest his hands on top of Zayn’s. He repositions Zayn’s body and hands until he knows that he’s in a spot where he should be able to get the ball in fairly easy. He helps Zayn swing the club back and hit the hall. It goes in effortlessly and he tries to hide the grin pulling at his features.

Zayn shifts his head around so he can slot their mouths together. Niall turns Zayn's body around so he can kiss him properly in the middle of the mini golf course. Zayn brushes his fingers through Niall's hair as Niall runs his hands down Zayn's ribs and to his hips. It's fluid, open mouthed kissing until someone behind them coughs. 

Zayn pecks Niall on the mouth before he steps out of Niall’s hold and makes his way down towards the hole to gather their equipment. 

“C’mon we’ve still got dinner, hot shot.”

~~

Zayn takes Niall to a fancy Middle Eastern restaurant that is close to their apartments. It’s tucked away between a bank and a jewelry store and Niall feels like it’s completely out of the place from it's surroundings. There are neon red lights everywhere and the overhead lights are low. There is music playing through the speakers that Niall has never heard before. The atmosphere is loud and the furniture is vibrant.

There are large square tables flooding the room covered in purple table clothes with bright red napkins. Niall is looking around in awe because he’s never even seen this place and he can’t believe Zayn is taking him here.

They slip inside their seats and Niall is practically bouncing off the energy of the room. 

“This place is great,” Niall says after they’ve ordered their drinks. “I’ve never even heard of this restaurant before. How did you find it?”

“I’m glad you like it. I was worried, and Liam actually found it and brought me here. He thought it would remind me of my mothers cooking back home.”

“Does it?”

“It’s good, but my moms is better,” Zayn says with a smile.

Zayn walks Niall through the menu and tells him about each dish. They settle on two large meals that they can share in case Niall isn’t happy with the one he gets. Niall is secretly hoping that his food is bad so he can swing his chair over towards Zayn's side of the table and share a plate with him. 

It’s barely twenty minutes before the food is brought to their table. And Niall is in awe because of the smell and the look of the food.

Once they’re settled into their meal Niall turns to Zayn with an inquiring stare. “Can I ask you something?” Zayn looks at him oddly before nodding his head. “This might sound weird, but when did you figure out that you, you know, liked me? Like when did you realize you wanted to take me out on a date? I don’t think I’ve put myself in any attractive situations lately.”

“It wasn’t that recent,” Zayn as he takes a sip of water. 

“Well when was it?” Zayn shakes his head to say that he doesn’t want to answer, but Niall juts his bottom lip out and widens his eyes until Zayn sighs in defeat.

“When you tried out for the soccer team.”

“When I tried out for the soccer team?” Niall asks, confused because he tried out two months into his freshman year. He tried out three years.

Zayn nods his head. “I went with Liam because he was nervous. I don’t know the first thing about soccer, but I saw you there on the field. You were dribbling the ball on your knees, but you couldn’t do it for very long because Louis kept making you laugh. You would throw his head back and squint your eyes shut, and it was beautiful. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. You’d drop the ball and burst into laughter. You’d do a little dance every time you did something you thought was impressive. It was cute.”

Niall’s head is spinning. He had no idea who Zayn even was freshman year. He’s out one a date with a boy who has been harboring feelings for him for years.

“You’ve had a crush on me since the freshman year?” Niall asks and his voice is betraying the hammering in his chest and he’s trying to remain calm but Zayn just admitted to being into Niall for over three years, and Niall doesn’t know how to process this. “You had a crush on me the whole time I was with Harry?”

Niall doesn’t miss the way that Zayn’s grip tightens on his fork or the way that Zayn begins shifting in his seat. Niall feels like an ass because he’s made Zayn uncomfortable.

He curses himself and wants to apologize immediately but Zayn changes the subject and asks Niall about the English paper he’s been complaining about, and effectively shutting Niall out from asking him anymore questions.

~~

They’re walking in the dark back towards Niall’s apartment. Zayn had insisted that if he couldn’t walk Niall to the door then he would at least walk Niall to his building. Niall had protested but Zayn simply shook his head and grabbed Niall’s hand so he could begin their walk home. 

They make it to Niall’s building sooner than he would like, and he’s still thinking about how he had reacted when Zayn had admitted his feelings for the other boy extended further beyond than just the weeks or months.

When they’re close Zayn pulls him to a stop and positions himself so he’s directly in front of Niall. 

“I’m sorry I made things awkward tonight. It was wonderful. Everything about tonight was perfect and I ruined it, and I really wanted this to go well.”

Zayn reaches up and runs his knuckles along Niall’s cheek. It sends a shiver up Niall’s spine. “It’s alright. Besides I’m pretty sure all first dates are supposed to get weird at some point.”

“It wasn’t weird that you had feelings for me before we knew each other. It’s not weird to me. I’m just sorry that I kind of acted dumb over it.”

“Niall, it’s fine. Obviously I was okay with everything,” Zayn says. “As okay as I could be under the circumstances,” Zayn adds once Niall gives him a look. “We went out on a date tonight so who cares about what happened before.”

“I’m sorry that you had to wait so long to get to do this.” 

“Are you?”

“I’m not sorry that I dated Harry. I don’t regret any of that. I can’t apologize for being with him, but I am sorry that you had to go three years before you ever got the chance to do anything about your feelings.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Niall looks up slightly and sees that Zayn is staring at him with a fond smile. He reaches up slightly he can press a kiss to Zayn’s lips. He pulls away and Zayn kisses his forehead quickly. “Speaking of Harry, I’m pretty sure he’s standing over there outside your apartment building.” He pulls away and presses another kiss to Niall’s cheek before he pulls away and heads in the direction of his own apartment. 

Niall watches Zayn leave until he’s out of sight. He sighs as he turns around and makes his way towards his own place. Zayn was right because when Niall gets closer to his building he sees a familiar body leaning up against the wall. When he gets closer Harry pushes himself off the wall and meets Niall halfway towards the door.

“What do you want, Harry?”

“I came to apologize.” 

“For?”

“Hitting your boyfriend,” Harry says and Niall looks up at him so he can be sure Harry sees when he shakes his head. Harry’s hair is messy and pulled back so it’s out of his eyes, and clad in a sweatshirt and athletic shorts. He’s looking at Niall with a nervous smile and wide eyes.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Niall says, which earns a snort from Harry. “And even if he was then you should be apologizing to him and not me.”

“I don’t really care to talk to him. I’ll leave that up to you since he’s your boyfriend.” 

“Oh my god,” Niall says as he runs his hand through his hair. “He’s not my boyfriend. Why do you keep insisting that he is?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders and rocks back on the balls of his feet. “Were you two out on a date?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“So you were. How was it?”

“Harry, why do you care?” 

“I don’t,” Harry says through gritted teeth. His eyes are narrowed and his breathing is labored. “I don’t care about Zayn fucking Malik or what he does.”

“Then what do you care if he goes out with me?”

“Because he can’t. I don’t want him too.” 

Niall groans and throws his hands in the air. “You don't make any sense. You break up with me because you want me to date Zayn. The entire time you keep rambling about how I should date Zayn, and we should date other people. It’s what you wanted remember? So why are you getting all bent out of shape about the fact that I’m going out on a date with someone else.”

“I don’t want you too,” Harry mumbles under his breath.

“You broke up with me!”

“I’m stupid,” Harry shouts back. 

“Yeah you are.”

They’re quiet for several minutes just standing there with their arms crossed looking around at everything but each other. 

“Listen Harry,” Niall starts and he waits until Harry shifts his attention away from a tree and onto him. “I don’t know what’s going on with you. I really don’t get it. Zayn isn’t my boyfriend. We spend time together and we went on a date, and I’m not going to stop being his friend or going on dates with him if he asks me again. That’s all I can tell you.”

“He’s not your boyfriend?” 

“No, he’s not.”

Harry nods his head and looks thoughtful for a moment. “So does that mean you’re free to go out on a date with me?”


	17. Chapter 17

Niall is racing down the field with the ball in between his feet as he looks for someone to pass to. Liam is on the other side of the field and the other teams players are blocking him. Niall curses because he can’t see any of his own teammates that he can kick the ball to so he can run down the field to set up a goal. 

He groans because he knows that this is all on him, and that he’ll be forced to do this on his own. He pushes off the ground harder as he runs faster down the field. He can see Liam following on the other side as he makes his way towards the other team’s goal. 

He makes it close enough to the goal that he can kick the ball over to Liam, who has a clear shot from where he’s standing of the goal, and their time will win the game. It’s easy. So Niall sends the ball flying towards Liam who sets it up and delivers it right into the back of the net. 

He lets out a scream and runs over so he can throw himself on top Liam in celebration. He’s hugging Liam and his other teammates when he glances over towards the stands and sees Louis and Zayn. They’re in the front row jumping and screaming. Niall didn’t know that Zayn was coming and he can’t help but laugh as Louis grabs onto Zayn’s arm and starts waving it around in the air in celebration. 

Niall breaks away from his team and makes his way over towards Louis and Zayn. 

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Niall says as he wraps Zayn in a hug. 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “Louis thought that it would be a good idea if we came to watch you two.”

“Oh, shut up,” Louis says as he shoves Zayn in the shoulder. “You texted me and asked what time the game started.” Zayn blushes a deep red, as deep as Zayn’s complexion allows, and mutters under his breath how Louis agreed not to tell. “Show him what you’re wearing,” Louis says as he begins to try and unzip the jacket that Zayn is wearing. 

Niall is intrigued as Zayn slaps Louis hand away and slowly unzips his jacket. He tugs the clothing off his body and sticks his arms out so Niall can see what he’s wearing. He lets Niall look at the front before he slowly turns around and lets him see the back. Niall’s breath catches in his throat because Zayn is wearing his away jersey, and Niall’s last name is branded across Zayn’s back. 

It’s the first time he’s ever seen anyone else in his jersey, and it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. 

“Wow,” Niall mutters as he eyes Zayn hungrily. He sees that Louis is also wearing Liam’s jersey, but that’s nothing new. If Louis were wearing something that didn’t belong to Liam then maybe he would be shocked. 

“Is it okay?” Zayn asks. 

Niall answers by taking a step forward and pulling Zayn in a kiss in the middle of the stands as people file out around them. He keeps kissing him as Louis grumbles about where Liam is. He keeps kissing him until the stadium is empty. 

~~

Niall chews on his fingernail nervously as he watches Zayn glide the paintbrush across the canvas. They’re sitting in Zayn’s studio and Niall is supposed to be writing a ten-page paper on his eighteenth century literature class but he can’t stop thinking about Harry and what he had said to him. It’s been three days, and he hasn’t talked to Harry since and Zayn hasn’t asked about what happened. 

He doesn’t know what to do about the idea of going out on a date with Harry. His first instinct was to scream no as loud as he possibly could in Harry’s face, but instead he told him he couldn’t answer that but he’d let him know. And Niall really couldn’t answer because as much as he wanted to shout no, he also wanted to say yes. 

But Niall owes it to Zayn, and this relationship that they’ve been building to let him know what Harry actually said. Zayn already knows that Harry was there but it’s up to Niall to tell him what happened. He’s glad that Zayn doesn’t ever push him. Zayn hasn’t asked once what happened, and Niall wonders if it’s because he trusts Niall enough that he knows Niall will tell him when he’s ready. Or if it’s because Zayn thinks it’s none of his business what happened. Or maybe Zayn is just too afraid to ask. 

Niall keeps chewing on his fingernail instead of writing his paper because he’s nervous and worried. He doesn’t want this to chase Zayn away. He doesn’t want this to end things with Zayn. He can’t have things ended with Zayn. 

“Something on your mind?” 

Niall looks up and sees Zayn at the sink, cleaning his paintbrushes and looking at Niall with an inquisitive stare. And well this is it… “Harry,” Niall says and instantly curses himself because Zayn drops the paintbrushes in his hand with a loud clank as they hit the metal surface below. Zayn’s face drops as well, and fuck, if it’s not the most devastating thing he’s ever seen. 

“Oh,” Zayn says as he reaches down for the brushes. “What about him? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“No, Zayn, it’s nothing like that. It’s just how he came over, and we talked.” Zayn nods his head and shuts the water off so he can dry the brushes. “Do you want to know what we talked about?”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders and sets the brushes down on the table. He takes off the apron he’s wearing, and tosses it on the back of a chair before he sits down in front of Niall. He doesn’t answer Niall’s question, instead he sits down and patiently waits for Niall to talk again. Zayn is always waiting patiently and it’s one of Niall’s favorite things about him. He doesn’t push Niall. 

“He kind of shouted at me a bit,” Niall starts but is interrupted by Zayn saying, “What the fuck did he yell at you for?”

“No, no,” Niall says as he shakes his head adamantly to let Zayn know it wasn’t like that. “No, he shouted a bit because he thought you were my boyfriend, and he kept insisting that you were since we went on a date. When he finally figured out that you weren’t my boyfriend he kind of asked me out on a date.”

“Your ex boyfriend wants to date you?”

“Yeah, only I didn’t answer him. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes, and then I told him I couldn’t answer that right now and went into my apartment.” 

It’s quiet and Niall can’t gauge how tense the situation is because Zayn isn’t looking at him. Zayn has his gaze shifted towards the drawings on the walls. Niall scans his body and sees how relaxed his posture is, and how he appears to just be thinking. That scares Niall because he can’t get a read off Zayn’s body language. 

“I think you should go,” Zayn finally says. 

“What?” Niall says in a panic. “Zayn, but why? You can’t make me leave just because Harry asked me out on a date. I didn’t even agree to it. I told him we’ll see, and now you’re trying to throw me out? Why?”

“No, Niall,” Zayn says as he shakes his head. “I think you should go on a date with Harry.”

“What?” Niall asks as he looks at Zayn. “I don’t understand, why?”

“You and Harry dated for three years, and I don’t think you’re a hundred percent over him. If you were then you would have said no, right?” Niall swallows thickly and shrugs his shoulders because in all honesty he hasn’t sat down and thought about Harry or his feelings for Harry since he’s been with Zayn. “It’s okay if you’re not completely over him. Three years worth of feelings for someone is hard to just get rid of over night. You owe it to yourself and Harry to figure things out.”

Niall wants to cry with how selfless Zayn is being and how much Niall doesn’t deserve that right now. “But what about you? What about us?”

“If I’m something that you want then I’ll be here.”

“You are something that I want,” Niall says, which causes Zayn to smile softly. “But what if I go out with Harry, and he’s something that I want too.”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “I think you should go out on your date with Harry, and I don’t want you to think about me, okay? I want you to go out with Harry and just be with Harry in that moment. You can’t ever be with me if you’re not one hundred percent sure that it’s over between you two. And you’ll never be able to be with Harry again if you’re still hanging around me. So you need to go out with Harry, and maybe then you’ll know what to do.”

“I’m scared,” Niall mumbles. “I’m scared if I go out with Harry then it’ll be over between us, and we were never official. I don’t want to go out with Harry and have you not like me anymore.”

Zayn shakes his head and lets out a hollow laugh. “I could never not like you Niall. I don’t think that I’ll think I don’t want to be with you. I trust you, and I know that this is something you need and want to do. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Niall nods his head. 

“Niall, if I’m something that you want then I’ll be here.”

~~

Niall finds Harry at the zoo later in the evening. Harry is sitting at one of the little information booths with a variety of animal skulls in front of him and clad in khaki shorts and a khaki colored shirt with the zoos monogram over the left breast pocket. Harry doesn’t see him coming so Niall takes his time approaching the booth. He feels incredibly nervous, and he can feel his heart hammering in his chest. 

He made sure that he talked to Zayn about this, and that it was something he was truly okay with. Niall doesn’t want to break Zayn’s heart and he doesn’t want Zayn to think that he doesn’t have feelings for him. But he also doesn’t want to leave his heart in a limbo of uncertainty because he never gave it the time to figure out whom it really belongs to. He doesn’t know how he feels about Harry anymore, but he knows how he used to feel. And those feelings were real and intense and Zayn’s right because that isn’t something you can throw away over night. But he knows how he feels about Zayn and it’s equally as real and as intense. 

When he’s finally standing in front of the booth, he clears his throat and waits for Harry to look up at him. Harry’s face breaks out in a smile as he leans forward across the counter. 

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks. 

Niall shrugs his shoulders and looks at the animal skulls laid out in front of him. “I talked to Zayn about what you asked me.”

“Why would you talk to Zayn about that? It’s none of his business.”

“If you were taking me out on dates, and someone else asked me to go on one wouldn’t you want to know about it?” Harry nods his head weakly. “Exactly, and that’s why I mentioned it to him.”

“What did he say?”

“He thinks that we should go out.”

“He wants you to go out on a date with me?”

Niall bobs his head, and says, “He thinks that it would be a good idea something about me figuring out my feelings. And I think that it’s something that I want too, to go out on a date with you.”


	18. Chapter 18

“You’re actually going to go out with Harry?”

Niall glances up from his phone to look at Louis. “Yeah, I am.”

“Why?”

“I told you Zayn thinks that it’s a good idea. I wouldn’t be doing this unless he wanted me too.”

“No,” Louis says as he shakes his head. “I don’t believe you. Regardless of what Zayn thinks you wouldn’t have done this unless you wanted too. So I’m asking you why because Harry is an asshole. He broke up with you and broke your heart. Why do you want to go out with him again?”

Niall sighs. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, but we were together three years and none of it feels resolved. I can’t lie to you, Louis, because yeah I still might have feelings for Harry.”

“What about Zayn? From what I’ve heard he’s liked you for years and now he finally gets a chance and you’re robbing him of it.”

Niall groans and runs his hands through his hair roughly. “Am I making a mistake?” Niall asks. 

He knows that his face must look pathetic because Louis sighs and sinks down next to Niall and wraps him in his arms. “I don’t think you’re making a mistake. I just want you to know what you’re doing. If things work out with Harry then you’re leaving behind a really amazing guy who doesn’t deserve to have his heart broken. But you’re also getting to keep everything you’ve ever wanted. Just go out tonight and don’t worry about Zayn, but don’t forget about him completely, okay? He doesn’t deserve to be forgotten.”

~~ 

Niall meets Harry at the Italian restaurant a few blocks away from his apartment, their old apartment. It’s a small place that’s owned by an old Italian couple and Harry knows how much Niall loves their spaghetti and the garlic bread the little old lady brings him from the back with a smile on her face as she talks to them in Italian. 

Harry is waiting outside dressed in a beige cable knit sweater under an unbuttoned faux denim button up and black jeans with those god awful brown boots he’s grown far too fond of. He smiles when he sees Niall and presses a kiss to his cheek as he drags him inside and back towards their favorite booth in the back. 

It’s familiar and comforting to be back in the same scenario that he’s used too. They’ve been here a million times before sitting across from each other with the wooden table with the checkered tablecloth in between them. The lights are dim and they play soft music in the background that Niall has never understood because of the language barrier but it’s marvelous regardless of if he can understand it or not. 

The only difference is that this time Niall’s hands are clammy and there is an awkward tension between the two of them as Harry orders their food and Niall has to remind himself that he’s here to figure out his feelings and that he can’t think about Zayn. 

“I’m happy you came out,” Harry says. 

Niall shrugs his shoulders. “I owed it to myself to come out with you tonight.” 

“Owed it to yourself?”

“I don’t know why you’re interested in my again Harry, but I can’t act like I forgot about how I felt about you. So I’m here and we’re going to have fun, right?”

“Right,” Harry says with a smile. “Is Zayn still okay with all of this?”

“Harry,” Niall says with a sigh. “I don’t know what your problem is with him but we’re not going to talk about him tonight. Got it?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I owe him a lot.”

Their food arrives and Niall inhales everything that’s set down in front of him. 

~~ 

They leave the restaurant and Harry takes Niall to their favorite ice cream parlor several blocks over.

When they get inside Harry shoves Niall down onto one of the stools by the window and goes to the front to order their cones. He comes back with one in each hand. 

“This one is pistachio and raspberry,” Harry says as he holds up the one in his right hand. “And the other is toffee and banana.” 

Niall thinks carefully for a moment before reaching out and taking the cone in his left hand. It’s sweet and as Niall takes careful licks of his cone he realizes that he desperately needs to know what Harry’s tastes like so he leans forward and takes a lick of the other boys.

“Yours is good,” Niall says as he goes back to his own. “But mine is better.”

It reminds Niall of the morning months ago when Harry surprised him with ice cream for breakfast. It leaves an ache in his chest because now he’s left thinking about what it was before when he was with Harry. 

“Why did you ask me out on a date?” Niall asks because he can’t help it. 

“I missed you,” Harry explains. “I think about you a lot and then I found myself at your apartment and I couldn’t help myself.”

“Why didn’t you ask me sooner?”

“I can’t answer that,” Harry says as he takes a bite out of his cone. “We’re not allowed to talk about Zayn.”

Niall drops the topic and goes back to eating his ice cream. He can feel the tension rolling off Harry’s body at having brought up why they were out so readjusts his position so he can lean his head on Harry’s shoulder as he finishes his cone.

~~

Niall decides to walk Harry home since his apartment is closer to the ice cream parlor than his own. He holds Harry’s hand as they walk, and Harry tells him about his internship at the zoo. 

He talks about how much fun he’s having and how much he’s learning about animals and life in general because now he’s doing something that he’s never done before. He tells Niall all of this with a glow in his eyes and it warms Niall’s heart to see Harry being passionate about something. 

And he doesn’t know how it happens but when they make it to Harry’s door he finds himself leaning in and pressing his lips against Harry’s. 

It’s familiar and warm and the feeling settles deep inside his bones. 

Harry unlocks the door with his mouth still pressed against Niall’s and it’s too much because he’s got his hands holding onto the sides of Niall’s face. As soon as the door closes behind him he runs his fingers down Niall’s sides and plants them firmly on his hips. 

Niall runs his hands along Harry’s body and it’s all a flash but soon he feels Harry’s hands trailing even lower while Niall pulls Harry’s button up off followed by his sweater and the stupid white undershirt because Harry decided to put every article of clothing that he owns. 

Harry pulls away and pulls off Niall’s shirt and attaches his mouth onto Niall’s neck and keeps murmuring into the skin how beautiful he is. Niall shushes him and connects their mouths together again. 

Harry drags him back towards his bedroom as they both trip over their pants as they rip them off each other’s bodies. Niall giggles as Harry wobbles around until he falls on the floor with his pants at a knot at the end of his legs. 

He kneels down on the ground and eases Harry out of his clothing before he grabs Harry and drags him back into his bedroom and pushes him down on the bed.

~~

Niall wakes up in a state of panic when he sees Harry’s naked body lying next to him. The morning light is casting shadows across his back creating shadows that bring out the definition of his muscles. And Niall has trouble catching his breath. 

He had slept with Harry that night and that is…that was a huge mistake. He scrambles out of the bed and begins gathering his clothes off Harry’s floor. He had sex with Harry in his brand new apartment, the one he rented when he broke up with Niall. 

The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. Niall was supposed to go out with Harry and go home to reassure himself that it was really over or cry about the fact that it’s not over and now he has two boys in his life that he doesn't want to give up. 

He was not supposed to have sex with Harry. 

He tries to be as quiet as possible but Harry is stirring in his sleep and Niall is frozen as he tries to put his shirt back on. He stands frozen and watches as Harry pats around the bed and tries to feel around for Niall but he can’t move from his spot. He can’t say anything because his tongue feels fat and swollen in his mouth. 

“What are you doing?” Harry asks and Niall feels weak at the sound of his voice and it’s not fucking fair in the slightest that he can’t do anything but stare at him. “Niall?”

“I—,” Niall starts. “I can’t be here.”

“Why?”

“I can’t be here,” Niall says again as he pulls his shirt over his head and grabs his shoes on his way out. 

~~

Niall knows that he should run home and hide away in his bedroom for the remainder of the week. Possibly even his life. But he can’t seem to get his feet to turn in the direction of his apartment. Instead he finds himself panting on the other side of Zayn’s front door because this is the place that he comes when his life gets out of control. 

He’s running to Zayn’s apartment because this is the place he’s come to associate with comfort and he knows that if anyone can make him feel anything it’s Zayn. 

He needs Zayn. 

He’s banging on the door and it feels like half an hour before it swings open and a sleepy Zayn is standing before him. He’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes and letting out a yawn as he pulls the door open further. Niall’s eyes scan Zayn’s body that’s clad in only a pair of boxer shorts. 

Niall can see the tattoos across Zayn’s collarbones, chest and hips along with two of the ones that are on his calves. It’s not the first time that he’s seen Zayn’s body but he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed access to it. Not when he just left Harry’s apartment. 

Zayn doesn’t say anything when Niall shoves past him and makes his way into Zayn’s bedroom. Niall kicks off his shoes and crawls into Zayn’s bed and curls under the blankets trying to absorb himself in everything Zayn. 

Niall hears the sound of the front door closing followed by a series of footsteps trailing down the carpeted hallway before he feels the bed dip beside him. 

Zayn doesn’t say anything just gets inside the bed and allows Niall to wrap himself around Zayn in everyway possible. He wraps his arms around the tan boy and throws a leg over his hips and holds on as tight as he can. 

He holds on and doesn’t let go as he slowly drifts off to sleep with his self deprecating thoughts floating around in head as he feels Zayn run his fingers up and down Niall’s arm. 

~~ 

When Niall wakes up again he’s alone in the bed, but not alone in the room because Zayn is sitting in the window on the opposite of the room with his sketchbook in his lap as he draws. 

Niall can feel the guilt eating away at him the longer that he watches Zayn. It’s in the pit of his stomach and its swirling around viciously and making his head spin as he feels the need to vomit. 

“I slept with Harry,” Niall blurts out and instantly wishes he could swallow the words back into his throat and bury them deep down inside of him because this isn’t how he wanted to tell Zayn. 

And Zayn is looking down at the paper before he looks up at Niall with heartbreak written in his eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

“You did what?”

Niall shakes his head and pulls himself up in the bed. He shakes his head and looks at Zayn with tears in his eyes. “I didn’t mean too.”

“What didn’t you mean to do?” Zayn asks. 

“I slept with Harry, and I’m so sorry. Louis said to go out and he said to forget about you for the night and to just have fun and see where things go with Harry. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen because I’ve been so angry with Harry.”

“Do you have sex with everyone you’re angry with?” Zayn asks as he closes his sketchbook and tosses it down on the ground. 

“Zayn,” Niall starts and his voice cracks in the middle. “I’m so sorry.”

Niall looks up and Zayn is wiping at his cheeks desperately as he tries to control his breathing. Niall can see that Zayn’s chest is rising in falling in rapid succession and Niall feels like the worst person in the entire world. 

“I’m sorry too,” Zayn says as he stands up. He opens his mouth again but just shakes his head as he stomps out of the room. 

Niall scrambles out of Zayn’s bed and chases after him. “Zayn, wait. You can’t leave.” Niall finds Zayn sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. “Zayn?”

“I thought that you moved on from Harry.”

“I thought so too, but I don’t think that I have.”

“So what have you been doing with me?”

“What do you mean?” Niall asks because he has absolutely no idea why Zayn would ask such a thing. He had thought it was obvious what his feelings were for Zayn. He had thought that it was obvious how much he cares about Zayn and how strong and real his feelings are. He thought that Zayn knew. 

Niall wouldn’t be kissing Zayn or seeking his comfort when he’s upset if he didn’t care about Zayn. He wouldn’t want to spend every moment that he can with Zayn if he didn’t have feelings for him. 

He had thought that his feelings were obvious when he came to Zayn first about what Harry wanted from him. But obviously he was wrong. 

“Why have you been spending all this time with me and letting me take you out on a date if you still love Harry? Why would you kiss me? You kissed me first and you’re always kissing me first and you keep doing it but you love Harry. Why?”

“Zayn I like you. I can’t control my feelings.”

“Okay.”

“You told me to go out on a date with him,” Niall says pitifully. “You told me to go out with him. You can’t be angry with me.”

“I told you to go out on a date with him and to figure out your feelings, but I didn’t tell you to string me along and make me think that there was something going on between us. I thought that you liked me,” Zayn admits in a whisper and it sends a crack down Niall’s heart. “I thought that, fuck, I thought that I mattered.”

Zayn looks up at him and Niall can see the raw emotions behind his features as he watches tears fall from Zayn’s eyes. It breaks his heart to see because he caused this and he knows that he’s the reason Zayn is so upset right now. 

“I think you should leave,” Zayn says as he stands up from the couch. He wipes his eyes and brushes past Niall. He makes his way back towards his bedroom and stops at the door. “I think you know how to leave.”

~~

Niall gets home and immediately drops down on the ground in his entryway. He pulls his knees up to his chest and sobs violently into them. 

He’s crying because he feels utterly horrible for what he’s putting Zayn through. He knows how much Zayn cares about him, and he betrayed him by sleeping with Harry. He knows that Zayn will never admit it or talk about it, but he knows that Zayn hates Harry. Zayn is just too nice of a person and never wants to hurt Niall so he keeps his mouth shut about it. 

Niall should have kept his mouth shut. He should have figured things out before he ran off and told Zayn what he was feeling. He should have thought about things and been more careful with the fact that he’s holding two hearts in his hand. 

“Niall?”

Niall looks up and sees Louis and Liam standing in front of him wearing worried expressions. 

“Niall, what happened?”

“I fucked up, Louis,” Niall says as another sob rips through his body. “I don’t even know why I let it happen but I did and I can’t take it back and I’m so fucking sorry.”

Louis kneels down on the ground and pulls Niall into his chest. “Hey, hey, calm down. What are you talking about? What happened?”

“I went on that date with Harry and we had fun. We had so much fun, and I did what you told me and I didn’t think about Zayn but I completely forgot about him. I completely forgot that Zayn was in the picture. I didn’t mean too.”

“You forgot about Zayn?” Liam asks and Niall wants to tell him to go home and leave to make sure that Zayn is okay, but he’s positive that Zayn won’t talk to Liam. Zayn never talks about his feelings. He shows them and Niall knows that Zayn is probably at home struggling with how to show how hurt he is, and that breaks Niall’s heart even more. 

“I didn’t mean too. I walked Harry home because I didn’t want him walking me home and we were closer so it just made sense. I walked him home and next thing I know I leaned up and started kissing him but we never stopped kissing. I didn’t mean too.”

“Zayn’s upset because you kissed Harry?” Louis asks. 

“No,” Niall says as he tries to clear his nose. “Well, yeah that’s part of it but he’s upset because I had sex with Harry. I swear that I didn’t mean too. Please don’t hate me.”

“Wait, what?” Louis says the same time that Liam says, “I’m going to head home and make sure that Zayn’s okay.” 

Niall hears Liam putting on his shoes and watches as he walks out of their apartment shaking his head. 

“I’m so stupid,” Niall moans. “I’m so stupid. I didn’t mean too.”

“Do you still love Harry?” Niall nods. “Do you still like Zayn?” Niall nods again. “Who do you like more? Who do you see yourself with?”

“I don’t know,” Niall says. “But I shouldn’t have slept with Harry. Not while Zayn is in the picture. Zayn didn’t deserve that but I did it anyway and I wasn’t trying to forget about him but I just wanted to be fair to Harry and give him the attention he deserves and then I fucked it all up. Zayn hates me.”

“I’m not sure that Zayn can hate you,” Louis explains. “I don’t think Zayn has it in him to hate you. Not when he loves you as much as he does.” 

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you need to find Harry and tell him that last night was mistake and that you can’t be sleeping together not while you still have feelings for Zayn. It’s not fair to Zayn or you because you’re only going to get confused about your feels if you’re being more intimate with one and not the other. But you need to be clear with him that you still have feelings for him.”

“What about Zayn?”

“Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel about him and tell him how you feel about Harry. Just be honest, okay? Liam and I have been talking a lot and Zayn really isn’t good at expressing his emotions. I think you’ll figure out a way to get through to him.”

~~ 

Niall waits a day before he leaves his apartment in search of Zayn. He sends a text to Liam asking if the boys is at home and when Liam’s reply of no comes in he knows exactly where to look for the other boy. 

It’s one of two locations, Zayn’s studio or the hidden lake that they both find comfort in. Zayn heads to the studio first and spots Zayn inside staring blankly at one of his empty canvases. 

He steps inside carefully and closes the door behind him. He knows that Zayn knows he’s there because he sees Zayn’s shoulders tense up and his grip on the paintbrush tighten. Niall steps forward until he’s behind Zayn and staring at the empty canvas. 

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asks. 

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Zayn turns around and Niall wants to cry because Zayn’s eyes are red and his hair is messy. It breaks Niall’s heart in a way he didn’t know possible. It sends a twisted dagger in his heart but he knows that nothing he’s feeling can compare to what Zayn is feeling. 

“About what?”

Niall takes a deep breath. “You never asked me when I fell for you.”

“What are you talking about?” Zayn asks with a confused expression on his face. 

“On our first date I asked you when you knew that you had feelings for me. You never asked me.”

“I don’t have time for this, Niall,” Zayn says as he starts to gather up his stuff off the table. 

“Ask me,” Niall pleads.

Zayn shakes his head and lets out a sigh. “When did you realize that you had feelings for me?”

“When I read you that poem. Do you remember? I knew that I was attracted to you before that. I knew before then that I really wanted to kiss you, but it wasn’t until that moment that I knew I wanted to be with you. I read you that poem and it’s about someone who desperately wants to love someone because that person already loves them. They want to be able to return those feelings. The girl was talking about how scared she was to dive into something like love but the other person wasn’t. That poem was about us, Zayn. I knew you wanted to be with me, and when I looked into your eyes after the poem I knew that I had to be with you.” 

Zayn’s eyes are watering and it breaks Niall’s heart but he has to finish.

“But the thing is I also want to be with Harry, and I’m really confused about it. I really, really, really fucking like you, a lot. But I still really like Harry. It’s not fair to you or him that I have feelings for both of you but I can’t control it and I can’t apologize for it. But I am sorry for what I did with Harry. That was wrong and I shouldn’t have hurt you that way. I know how much you care about me. And I need you to know that I care about you too. So I have a new poem today, all right? I need you to listen to it.”

Niall clears his throat and begins reciting the poem he has memorized, 

“Somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond  
and experience, your eyes have their silence:  
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,  
or which I cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me  
though I have closed myself as fingers,  
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens  
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if you wish to be close to me, I and  
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,  
as when the heart of this flower imagines  
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals  
the power of your intense fragility; whose texture  
compels me with the color of its countries,  
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes  
and opens; only something in me understands  
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)  
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.”

Niall finishes and lets out a ragged breath as he watches Zayn, who is crying fully now. His shoulders are shaking as the tears fall down from his eyes and he does nothing but look at Niall. 

“Zayn, I really need you to understand how sorry that I am.”

“Okay,” Zayn says. 

“Okay?”

Zayn nods his head. “I can’t ask you not to have feelings for Harry. I don’t want you to but it’s not fair of me especially when it was me who pushed you on that date with him. It’s my fault, and I can wait for you.”

“Wait for me?”

“I waited three years, and I don’t want to wait any longer, but Niall if you think that you still have feelings for Harry then you need to figure those out. You need to figure out which one of us you want because you can’t have both forever.”

“Please don’t go anywhere,” Niall pleads. 

“I won’t go anywhere. I’ll still be here,” Zayn takes a deep breath and his face sets to determination. “I’m going to show you that you should be with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is called 'Somewhere I Have Never Traveled' by E. E Cummings.


	20. Chapter 20

Niall finds Harry back at his little booth at the zoo the following day. He’s wearing his khaki colored uniform with the zoo monogram on the left breast pocket except this time he’s got a safari hat placed on top of his head as he talks animatedly to a group of school children who are playing around with the animal skulls in front of him.

After talking with Zayn, he spent the afternoon watching him paint in his studio and listening to Zayn grumble about his exhibition opening in a week’s time before he promised that they would get together again later but he had to talk to Harry. Zayn didn’t protest or put up a fight about it. He just simply nodded and pressed a kiss to Niall’s lips before going back to the canvas in front of him. And Zayn didn’t mean to have any of his actions to cause Niall’s heart to clench but it did. And not because of anything he’s said or done physically but just the way that he is with his entire being.

Zayn is amicable, understanding; passionate and caring in a way that Niall doesn’t fully deserve when his heart lies with two people. Because Zayn is understanding and accepting that Niall has to leave him in order to go find another boy that he cares about and be with him and explain to him how he feels about both of them.

He’s luckier than he deserves.

He worries about Harry’s reaction as he watches him continue to talk to the group of school children in front of him. They had last seen each other when Niall fled his apartment and has been avoiding his texts since he ran out the door. He knows Harry is probably hurt, confused and probably a touch angry and he really can’t blame him. He’s read all of his texts and knows that Harry is mostly confused about what happened and why Niall would run off the following morning. He doesn’t mention Zayn though. He doesn’t question Niall on if he’s the reason why he ran off or if he’s the one he ran to.

Niall waits until the group of kids has left Harry’s booth before he makes his way over towards Harry. He leans onto the surface and rests his arms on top of it as Harry finishes organizing the artifacts.

Harry senses his presence and looks up with a smile, “hello, welcome to—oh,” Harry cuts off when he sees it’s Niall. “Hi,” he breathes out. “You’re not answering my texts.”

“No, I’m not,” Niall agrees.

“But you came here anyway?” Harry asks.

Niall sighs. “Is there anyway we could talk? Like, are you too busy?”

Harry glances at the watch on his wrist and holds a finger up to tell Niall to hold on a minute. He pulls out boxes from behind him and begins packing away the artifacts. When he’s finished he shoves them under the surface that Niall is leaning on and locks them closed before walking out next to Niall and motioning for him to follow. He leads Niall across the zoo and over towards the bear exhibit that they’re rebuilding where there are barely any patrons.

“So what’s going on?” Harry asks.

Niall takes a minute to think about how he wants to approach the situation. He could ease into it and let Harry prompt him with questions about what happened or he could jump right into it and be blunt with how he’s feeling. He goes with the latter. “I had a bit of a freak out when I woke up in your bed.”

Harry laughs lightly and shakes his head at Niall. “I’ll be honest and say that I could tell, but what I couldn’t tell is why since you’re the one who prompted it all. Then you wake up and all of a sudden it’s wrong and you don’t explain to me why, you just run out of the apartment and don’t communicate anything to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Niall says. “I shouldn’t have done that and I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Harry replies with a shrug. “But can you tell me what happened?”

“I,” Niall starts as he takes a deep breath. “I forgot about Zayn. I didn’t let myself think about him when we were out because that’s not fair to you for me to give you a chance but spend it all worrying about how Zayn would feel about everything, and then I completely forgot and I woke up in your bed. I wasn’t freaked out about what happened to us, but I just couldn’t do that to Zayn.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I can’t have sex with you when there is someone else out there who thinks that I want to be with them. It was a mistake and not because I didn’t want it to happen but because I shouldn’t have let it happened when someone else is caring about me in the same way.”

“Do you want to be with Zayn?” Harry asks.

“Yeah,” Niall replies as he takes a step closer to Harry, who doesn’t take a step back but just looks at Niall sadly. “Zayn’s been here for me and he’s wonderful but a part of me also wants to be with you. I care about you both and the problem is that I don’t know whom I should or want to be with. I don’t know whom I’m supposed to be with. It’s not fair to either of you for me to feel torn and I don’t deserve either of you but I want you both and I feel bad that both of you have me in halves and no one really has all of me.”

“I can’t be angry at you, Niall,” Harry explains as he reaches out and grabs onto Niall’s hand. “I probably should be but I don’t have that right. It was me who pushed you towards Zayn and it was me who broke things off and it was only normal for you to move on so I’m not angry. I don’t know how Zayn feels about all of this and I don’t want to know. The thought of him still makes me irrevocably and irrationally angry but you should know that I’m not going to give up. I made that mistake once and I’m not going to do it again.”

“I know you won’t,” Niall replies as he tightens his grip on Harry’s hand. “Am I allowed to ask why you gave up before? Can you tell me what happened and tell me the real reason. I know there was more going on.”

Harry looks at Niall for a moment before nodding. He keeps his grip on Niall’s hand as he pulls him over towards an empty bench. “Do you want the truth?” Harry asks and Niall nods. “I knew about Zayn’s crush on you. I had over heard him talk to Liam about it. They weren’t saying anything all that bad but I knew that he had feelings for you. I didn’t want to say anything to him about it because I thought it might upset Liam and then maybe he’d be upset with Louis. I didn’t want to ruin anything for Louis.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Niall replies. “Louis reckons that they’re soul mates.”

Harry laughs and shakes his head. “Maybe they are,” Harry says with an off distance look in his eyes as he turns his attention away from Niall. “But that’s not the point. I knew how Zayn felt about you and for some reason it seeped itself under my skin and just drove me mad. I had never heard anyone say they were interested in you before because everyone knew we were together and here comes Zayn with his cheekbones and smolder and sketchpad and he just made me feel insecure and inadequate.”

“Harry,” Niall starts.

“No,” Harry says as he holds out his hand. “I don’t want you to say anything about it. I think you probably already knew how I felt or at least had some kind of clue and it was dumb and then we separated and I just kept picturing you with Zayn and it made my skin crawl and then it absorbed itself into my brain and that’s all I could think about. I was insecure and I let it get the best of me. I pushed you away before you could push me away.”

“Harry,” Niall says sadly. “You should have just talked to me.”

“Maybe,” Harry replies. “But I don’t think you regret what I did.”

“Why do you say that?”

“If I hadn’t then you wouldn’t have ever gotten to know Zayn in the way that you have and I know you and I know you don’t regret that, and as much as I hate that I have to share you with Zayn now it is my fault and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have you be completely mine again.”

~~

Niall thinks about Harry’s words and his confession as he makes his way through the woods and towards the lake where he’s supposed to meet Zayn.

Shortly after Harry’s confession he left Niall on the bench with a kiss on his forehead as he made his way back towards his station to finish up his shift. Niall sat alone on the bench for almost an hour thinking about everything he heard before his phone buzzed in his pocket with a text from Zayn asking to meet at the lake.

He filters through the information he received this afternoon about how insecure Zayn makes Harry and how it drove him mad as time wore on. Niall knew that Harry was insecure and jealous and unrightfully so. Yes, Zayn is beautiful but Niall would have never looked at him in any other way but friendship if Harry had stayed with him. Harry pushed him into Zayn and Zayn pushed him back into Harry and now he’s teetering on a dangerous ledge between the two as he tries to figure out which direction he wants to go.

Niall shakes the thoughts of Harry from his head when he reaches the little dock and sees Zayn sitting at the end with his feet in the water. He smiles at the sight and walks until he’s behind Zayn and drops down so he’s sitting behind him, resting his head against Zayn’s shoulders with his legs curled up next to him.

“Hi,” Zayn breathes out as he reaches a hand around and wraps it around Niall’s calf. “How was it?”

“It went fine,” Niall explains. “He knows that I like him but that I also like you. I apologized for running out on him the other morning and he knows that it can’t happen again.”

“Is he okay with everything? Zayn asks.

“Yeah. He’s not happy about it, but then again neither are you.”

“It’s not forever,” Zayn says as he squeezes Niall’s calf gently. “I’m willing to wait and I’m sure he is too.”

“It’s funny,” Niall replies as he reaches his arms around Zayn’s waist. “You’re both so different. Harry doesn't like to hear about you or that you’re there even though he knows you are because it hurts him. But you ask about him even though you’re hurting too.”

“We’re different people. Everyone is different and they approach and handle things differently. Neither is wrong or right. Harry hurts more openly, or so I would guess. I never got to know him very well.”

“I am sorry,” Niall says. “I’m sorry that I’m hurting you over this, and that I’m hurting him too. I wish I didn’t have too.”

“Don’t apologize for things that you can’t control.”

“I’m still sorry.”

Zayn shakes his head and turns around so he can look at Niall. “Plenty of time for sorry later, but for now it’s okay. Come on,” Zayn says as he taps at Niall’s wrists around his waist so he can stand up and pull Niall up with him. He holds his reaches out and grabs both of Niall’s hands, placing one around his neck and holding the other in his hand as he pulls Niall in by the waist.

“What are you doing?” Niall asks as he looks up at Zayn.

Zayn shushes him and pinches Niall’s waist playfully as he begins to lightly move their bodies together.

Niall laughs lightly when he realizes what Zayn is doing, dropping his head down on the other boy’s shoulder, and helping guide the sway of their bodies. “Dancing on the dock by the lake. Where’s the music?”

Zayn continues the guided movement and begins humming lowly in Niall’s ear.


	21. Chapter 21

Niall is woken up from his sleep, abruptly, by strange noises coming from his window. Daisy is curled up on the pillow next to his own and lets out a tiny mewl as she stirs awake to stretch her body before dozing off back to sleep. Niall rubs the back of his hand across his face as he looks at his window, waiting for the noise to happen again. 

He’s surprised that the sound comes almost instantly and now that he’s fully awake he sees that the sound is accompanied with the sight of something hitting his window. It happens three more times before he throws the blanket off his body and strides over towards the window to peek outside. 

He can see the shadow of a person standing below his window as their arm swings back to throw what can only be small objects at his window. He can’t tell who it is and he has no desire to go out and check when it could be anybody, and at this time of night it’s probably someone crazy. It’s the middle of the night and someone is outside his building tossing rocks at his window and it’s all so horribly clichéd that he feels like it can’t be anyone other than a psychotic killer trying to lure him into an early grave. 

Niall turns around when he hears the sound of his phone vibrating from his bedside table. He makes his way back towards his bed and grabs his phone and sees that Harry is calling him. When he gets back to the window he can’t help but laugh because the person throwing rocks has a glowing light next to their ear, which can only mean it’s Harry standing outside trying to get Niall’s attention which immediately throws out Niall’s theory of the person being a psychotic killer because as far as Niall knows Harry hasn’t killed anyone. 

Niall tosses his phone back on his bed and races towards the front door of his apartment so he can run outside and see what Harry wants. 

When he makes it outside he finds Harry muttering quietly in the dark as he pokes around on the ground to try and find something else to toss at Niall’s window. 

“C’mon Niall, answer the phone,” Harry whines as he waves his hand around in the grass looking for rocks. 

Niall chuckles silently and says, “I left my phone on my bed.”

“Holy shit,” Harry gasps as he jumps up, tripping over his feet, almost falling into a tree as he clutches his heart and stares at Niall. “What are you doing scaring me like that?”

“What are you doing throwing things at my window?” Niall retorts. “You woke me up.”

“I’m being romantic,” Harry says with a pout. “I wanted to see you and I tried calling but that didn’t work so I realized that since I was already here I could do something super romantic like in all the movies, only you don’t have many rocks and I’m mostly looking for the ones I could manage find before that have already been thrown. But that didn’t work because you wouldn’t wake up so I threw the rocks and called which worked,” Harry says with a smile. 

“You wanted to see me at three in the morning?”

“It’s only two.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “You wanted to see me at two in the morning?”

“Yeah,” Harry answers. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Why did you want to see me?” Niall asks. 

Harry lets out a deep breath and shrugs his shoulders. “I missed you and wanted to see you. I haven’t seen you in a long time and I just want to spend as much time with you as I can. Unless…is he here?”

“Who? Louis? I mean yeah he does live here so he’s up there unless he snuck off to go and toss rocks at Liam’s window,” Niall says with a smirk. 

“No,” Harry says as he shakes his head. “Is he here?”

Niall tilts his head to the side but it doesn’t take him long to catch onto who the ‘he’ Harry is asking about really is. “No,” Niall replies. “Zayn doesn’t usually come here. I usually find him and hang around wherever he is.”

“Well good,” Harry says as he strides forward and grabs hold of Niall’s hand in order to drag him back up towards Niall’s apartment. Niall follows, willing, and let’s Harry guide him back into the building and up towards his apartment and back towards his bedroom. 

Harry doesn’t waste time in kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat before he’s dropping into the bed, pulling Niall with him. Daisy is no longer on Niall’s pillow and he finds her perched in the window, watching the two of them closely. Niall falls into bed next to Harry and pulls the blankets up around them as Harry leans over to wrap himself around Niall in every possible way. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in our bed,” Harry mumbles, his voice thick with the need to sleep as he tightens his grip around Niall and rubs his face against Niall’s neck. “Feels nice.”

Niall tries not to let Harry’s words sink in, especially not the part where he said ‘our’, because it’s been a long time since he’s thought about the fact that this mattress once belonged to him and another person. It’s been a long time since Niall thought about how he used to have someone other than a kitten sleeping in bed with him every night. 

He tried not to let Harry’s words sink in because it’s too overwhelming at almost three in the morning to realize what any of this could mean. 

~~

Niall and Harry are curled up together on the couch, trading slow kisses and gentle sighs when Louis finds them the following morning. He stares at them before his gaze hardens and Niall can see that his jaw sets as he looks at Harry. 

“What is he doing here?” Louis asks Niall with no regard to the fact that Harry is right there. 

Niall and Harry untangle their bodies and sit up slowly so they can look at Louis in a position that isn’t horizontal. “He came over last night. He’s my guest and I’m allowed to have whoever I want in this apartment, Lou.”

“Not someone who breaks your heart,” Louis replies. “I don’t want those kind of people in my house.”

“He didn’t come here to see you.”

“Hey,” Harry interjects. “It’s okay, Niall. And Louis, for what it’s worth I’m sorry. I already explained everything to Niall and I know that he came home and told you everything as well. I mean its Niall, that’s what he does. He tells you everything so I know you know everything that happened, and I’m sorry. I can’t take it back but if I could then I would.”

“I’m sure you would,” Louis says as he drops down into the chair next to them. “Let me get this straight though, you knew that Zayn liked Niall and Zayn wasn’t doing anything to try and be with Niall but you were still paranoid that just his presence on Earth would break you two up. Instead of ignoring it, you decided to think about it everyday until it was eating away at you and when it became too much you decided to serve Zayn Niall on a silver platter because you’re an idiot, correct or not?”

“Louis,” Niall warns. “You don’t need to be a dick.”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry says. “Louis, you’re right, I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet, and I know that, you know that, maybe even Niall knows that, but because of it I know that my devotion for Niall won’t go away. I’m not going to do something like again, ever. And I think despite it all Niall’s happy that he got to know Zayn the way he has.”

Louis smiles. “I’m glad we can agree on something. Now, tell me, how is picking up elephant shit at the zoo?”

Harry barks out a laugh so loud that he has to clamp his hands over his mouth to stop the noises from escaping as his entire body shakes with laughter at Louis’ comment. And while Harry is laughing, Niall is breathing a sigh of relief; he knows that the attitude Louis entered the situation with is gone because he got what he wanted out of Harry. Niall knows that now Louis will be more open towards the curly haired boy. 

“I don’t clean up elephant shit,” Harry replies. “Well, I did once. But normally I just teach kids that come in about the big cats and I’ve been in charge of feeding the reptiles, but that really just means I hand the actual zoo keepers the food and they take care of all the feeding.”

Louis frowns at the thought of Harry not having to clean up poop all day. “I thought your job would be dirty. I’ve been imagining you in your little shorts and a hat waving to people with a shovel full of poop in your hand and a smile on your face.”

“I could ask to pick up more cleaning duties?” Harry says in the phrase of a question. “Would that make you happy?”

“No,” Louis says. “I have a feeling you’ll be coming around a lot after work and I don’t want to deal with your smell.” 

“Fair point. How have you and Liam been?” Harry asks. 

Louis rolls his eyes and looks at Harry with distaste, not because of him but because of the question. “We’re perfect,” Louis replies. ”We’re soul mates, obviously.”

“I knew you were,” Harry says and it causes Louis to break out in a wide smile. “You can tell when two people are meant to be together.”

“Well I’m glad you noticed,” Louis states with intense pleasure. “Niall over there likes to mock us but it’s hard for people who don’t have what I have. Liam’s perfect and I snatched him up before anyone else could.” 

Niall rolls his eyes at the smug smile that appears on Louis’ face as he talks about Liam. “I’m not sure how much snatching you did since he was just as desperate as you were.”

“I beg your pardon,” Louis retorts as he turns to Niall with a glare. “I was talking to Harry. Go away, Niall.”

Harry beams as Niall settles back into the couch to leave the two of them to their conversation and reconciliation. 

~~

Harry and Louis end up spending the remainder of the day catching up on everything they’ve missed in each other’s lives; Louis talks about Liam, mostly, while Harry talks about his internship at the zoo, and Niall...well Niall listens and catches up on homework. They talk throughout the entire evening, forcing Niall to be the one to cook dinner for the three of them. 

It’s reminiscent of how Niall’s life used to be months ago when Harry still lived with them and the three of them would be together in the apartment on a nightly basis. And while Niall has understood Louis’ initial anger and resentment with Harry and the fact that he came back into Niall’s life, he’s glad that Louis has opened up and given Harry the chance that he deserves because despite what Harry did Niall doesn’t know if he could have ever fully given Harry the chance he deserves if Louis had completely hated him. 

They spend the day together until nightfall when Harry decides that it’s probably best for him to get back to his apartment so he can get ready for his internship the next morning. 

“I think Louis is getting over his anger with me,” Harry says as he leans against Niall’s doorframe. 

“Probably,” Niall replies. “I’d explain for him, but you know Louis well enough that I don’t have to.”

“Yeah, you’re right I do. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?” Harry asks as he reaches up to run his fingers along Niall’s cheek. 

“Zayn has an opening at a gallery. It’s opening night and he wants me to be there.”

“Good luck to him, I guess,” Harry replies. “What are you doing the following night?”

“I have a feel that I’m spending it with you.”

Harry smiles and nods his head so Niall knows that is the plan. He continues the movement of his fingers along Niall’s jaw and slowly brings his index finger to Niall’s chin so he can tilt his head up ever so slightly before he leans forward and presses his lips against Niall’s in a slow and lazy kiss goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there was no Zaynie :(   
> He'll be back next chapter :D


	22. Chapter 22

Niall is lying on the couch watching a movie with Louis when they hear a knock on their door. Louis looks up towards Niall and says, “Aren’t you going to get that?”

Niall shakes his head. “It’s unlocked.”

“Who is it?” Louis shouts as loud as he can. 

Niall covers his ears and throws his foot out in an attempt to kick Louis and make him shut up. He faintly hears Liam’s voice from behind the door. 

Louis sits up straighter and smiles brightly. “Come in, darling,” he shouts again. 

Niall hears the sound of their door opening and shoes being kicked off before he sees Liam crawling on the floor to get close to Louis. 

“I see you brought Niall a little present,” Louis says as he kisses Liam. 

Niall looks at the couple confused before he lifts his head up and sees Zayn standing on the other side of the room, pulling off his shoes and waving. Niall holds his arms in the air and tries to make pathetic noises until Zayn strides over and drops down on the couch so he’s lying in front of Niall. Niall repositions himself around to accommodate for the fact he’s now the big spoon. He’s got Zayn lying between his legs and his arms wrapped around the boy’s body. 

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Niall asks once Zayn’s settled. 

He feels Zayn shrug his shoulders. “It’s a lot of work and I can’t wait for it to be over but I’m excited for the work to show. Openings are always a lot of work. They’re more about socializing and kissing ass than they are about art.”

“You can kiss Niall’s ass,” Louis says with a giggle as he presses his face against Liam’s shoulder. Niall rolls his eyes and watches the two of them as Liam cards his fingers through Louis’ hair while Louis whispers what is no doubt inappropriate words into Liam’s ear. 

He watches them for a few more minutes until Liam clears his throat and stands up. He reaches out and pulls Louis up to his feet as well. “Well it’s been fun,” Louis says as he grabs Liam’s hand. “Liam and I are going to bed. You two try and keep it down so we can get some sleep.” Louis pulls Liam out of the room and down the hall.

“Are you going to stay?” Niall asks once he hears Louis’ bedroom close. 

“I can if you want me to.”

“Zayn,” Niall says desperately. “Don’t make me make the decisions. I want you to want to stay with me.”

Zayn laughs and turns to look at Niall. “Why wouldn’t I want to stay?”

“You don’t usually sleep here, in my bed, so I wasn’t sure if you would want to.”

“It’s not much different is it? It’s still a bed and it’s still the two of us,” Zayn says with a shrug. “I’ve got to be up early though to make it down to the gallery to go over a few last minute things so I won’t be here when you wake up.”

“That’s okay,” Niall says as he shifts around until he’s lying next to Zayn instead of practically under him. “It’s okay as long as you stay.”

Zayn smiles and leans forward to seal the deal with a kiss. He kisses slow but with a purpose and when he tries to pull away Niall finds himself reaching out to wrap a hand around the back of Zayn’s neck so he can keep him in place to kiss him properly. 

~~

“What the hell do you wear to an opening,” Louis shouts as he stomps into Niall’s room. “I don’t know how to dress like I’m artsy. Do I have to look artsy? Do I have to look formal? Is this like a gala or something.”

Niall steps out of his closet and sees Louis sprawled out on his bed with a desperate expression on his face. 

“I was going to wear jeans but other than that I don’t know.”

Louis huffs and rolls his eyes. “You’re just as useless as Liam. He said he’s going to wear a button up plaid shirt with black jeans. Do you know how often he wears that? I can’t possibly judge what kind of event this is if I go off what Liam is wearing. He’s useless when it comes to clothes.”

“Should you be talking about your soul mate this way?” Niall teases as he begins to riffle through his closet again for an appropriate shirt. 

“Opposites attract, Niall, and just because I’m good at dressing myself doesn’t mean that he is. He’s a simple man with simple pleasures and one of those pleasures is plaid.”

Louis hops of Niall’s bed and stomps back into his room. 

Niall fishes around in his closet some more until he finds a black polo shoved in the back. He can’t remember the last time he wore it but it smells clean so he figures it’ll do. He slips it on and when he gets the shirt over his head he finds Louis standing in the doorway wearing a jean jacket and a plain black shirt. 

“How do I look?”

“You look fine,” Niall says. “But the important question is how do I look?”

“We both look stupid, but good stupid. You definitely don’t look like the type of boy an artist would be interested in.”

Niall rolls his eyes and slips on his shoes and chooses to ignore Louis’ comment. He feels oddly nervous about going to the gallery and he doesn’t want to dwell on any of the comments Louis’ throws at him. He had texted Zayn earlier and gotten the confirmation that he could wear anything he pleased as long as he showed up. But even with Zayn’s words he’s nervous that he won’t be enough for the night. 

It’s almost as if Louis’ can read his mind because when Niall looks up Louis’ is looking at him with a soft smile. “You look good. Zayn doesn’t care what you look like or how you dress. If anything just be happy you’re not Liam. Poor thing is going to look like a lumberjack.”

~~

Niall enters the gallery it’s crowded with people, chatting and holding wine glasses as they catch up and look at Zayn’s art that’s around the room. Niall sees on the wall to his right the words, ‘Zayn Malik: Portraits of Home’. He assumes that’s the title of the show and it excites him a little know that someone he knows, someone he cares about is having an exhibition. It’s exhilarating and he feels nothing but pride as he pushes past the swarm of people in order to enter the first room where he can find Zayn’s work. 

He enters the room and stops in his tracks because as he looks around the room he sees familiar faces and not in the crowd but rather on the walls. In this first room alone there are six drawings, two of Liam, one of Louis, and the remaining of Niall himself. He knew Zayn went around and drew people but he didn’t know that Zayn was going to show these works in an exhibition that would be running for an entire month. In retrospect that’s not as long as most exhibitions but it’s long enough that it causes Niall’s head to spin. He slowly makes his way around the room and glances at every portrait on the wall before making his way towards the next. 

He enters the room and stops in front of another portrait of himself. He stares at it and studies the lines and creases Zayn drew of his face. He doesn’t know how long he’s standing there but he hears, 

“Holy shit.”

Niall turns away from the portrait of himself sleeping, the night he had fallen asleep on Zayn’s couch as they watched a movie together, to look over at Louis who is staring at Niall expectantly. He remembers lying back on the couch and Zayn working on a portrait of Liam when he had fallen asleep. He spares a glance back at the drawing and realizes that Zayn must have spent the duration of Niall’s sleep on the floor of his living room to finish this. 

“Niall are you even paying me any attention?” Louis asks again as he waves a hand around in front of Niall’s face. 

“What?” Niall asks as he looks over towards his friend. 

“Have you seen everything in this building? It’s drawings of you, Liam and me. I mean there are a few oddball drawings of people I’m assuming he saw on the street, but Niall most of these drawings are of you. How come you didn’t tell me that you were posing for him? How sexy,” Louis says as he waggles his eyebrows at Niall in a way to show he approves of the modeling he thinks was taking place. 

“I wasn’t,” Niall replies. “I mean this one was done when I was sleeping. I remember when it was because I remember falling asleep and waking up slightly to him putting a blanket on me but I fell right back asleep. I don’t remember any of these besides one.”

“Holy shit,” Louis breathes. “He did all of this without telling you?”

Niall nods and beings to circle back around the room with Louis following behind him. He looks at a portrait of an old man that he knows sits in the park next to their school and does crossword puzzles every morning. Niall thinks about Zayn showing up at the park and asking the man if he could draw him or just sitting on the bench across from him and trying his best to go unnoticed. There is one of Louis laughing followed by the portrait of Liam that he was working on when he drew Niall is in his sleep. 

There are three rooms filled with Zayn’s drawings and in every single one of them all Niall can see is the ones of himself. One of him sitting in the chair the night he read Zayn that poem, the night that he realized he had feelings for Zayn. There are images of him everywhere and he’s beginning to feel dizzy. He turns around and looks at Louis and says, “What does this even mean?”

Louis shrugs his shoulders. “Does it have to mean anything? I mean the show is called ‘Portraits of Home’ so these are obviously things that make Zayn think of home or images of comfort. There’s Liam, you, and me and we’re all people in his life that are constantly around; like the old man from the park and the homeless man that sits on Oak Street. Who says it means anything?”

“Louis there are drawings of me all over an art gallery and you think that doesn’t mean anything?”

“Well he’s coming over here so why don’t you ask him yourself.”

Niall turns around and sees Zayn standing behind him with a wide smile. He leans forward and presses a short kiss against Niall’s lips. When he pulls away he leans over a bit and offers a smile towards Louis. 

Niall feels himself being shoved out of the way and looks up to see Louis jumping towards Zayn. He grabs Zayn’s face and kisses his right cheek and then his left. “You’re amazing. These are amazing. I don’t want to sound biased but I think the ones you did of me are the best. I can tell with those you actually tried instead of just slopping stuff together, “Louis says with a wink. “You’re amazing. I need to go find Liam now to show him my pictures again.”

Louis lets go of Zayn’s face and waves at Niall before disappearing into the crowd of people. Zayn rubs at his cheeks absently and smiles at Niall. “Having fun?” Niall nods and fails to get his mouth to form words. He settles with nodding and continues to nod at Zayn until the other boy lets out a laugh and shakes his head fondly at Niall. “What do you think?”

“These are…these are amazing,” Niall says because it’s true that they are amazing drawings. “But why did you do all of this? Why are there all these drawings of me?”

“Come on Niall, isn’t it obvious?” Niall shakes his head and Zayn sighs. “I love you, and I wasn’t going to say it in the middle of an opening or in the middle of a crowded room because those words aren’t meant for anyone but you…but I guess if you need to know then there it is.”

Niall blanches as he stares at Zayn because he just said that he loves Niall. He said that he loves Niall and Niall feels his heart stop pumping and his blood stop flowing because he knew the drawings meant something but he didn’t—he wasn’t expecting them to mean love. 

“But you can’t,” Niall says. “I can’t…I can’t say it back.”

“Why not?” Zayn asks but his expression gives away that he knows what Niall is going to say next. 

“Zayn…I just, I can’t. It’s not-“

“Fair?” Zayn prompts.

“No,” Niall says as he shakes his head desperately. “I mean well yeah but that’s not what I was going to say. I can’t say it back and it’s not because I don’t feel strongly towards you but there’s Harry and I’m not telling him that I love him so I can’t tell you.”

“I’m not asking you to say it back,” Zayn says, exasperated. “I just—never mind.” Zayn shakes his head and shoves his hands in his pockets. 

“Tell me.” Zayn shakes his head and when Niall connects his eyes to Zayn’s he feels a sharp stab in his chest because Zayn’s features look closed off and there are emotions inside of them that Niall hasn’t ever seen before; anger, disappointment and anguish. “Please,” Niall begs. 

“I know this entire thing is hard on you but it’s not very fair is it?” Zayn pauses and glances off in the distance behind Niall and says, “You’re allowed to have sex with Harry without any regards towards me but I’m not allowed to express my feelings because it’s not fair for Harry.”

“Zayn, that’s not-“

“It’s fine. Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Zayn interjects. “I didn’t mean to say that and make you uncomfortable. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone. I’ve got collectors and buyers that I should probably be talking to.”

Niall tries to reach out for Zayn but he side steps over so he’s out of Niall’s reach and brushes past him easily so he can make his way across the gallery and continue talking to the other patrons who are dying to know the artist. Niall is left standing alone in the middle of the room and he wishes that the floor would rise up and swallow him because he knew this would be hard, having feelings for two different boys, but he thinks that he maybe is in over his head.


	23. Chapter 23

Niall drags himself home, thinking about the look on Zayn’s face when he didn’t say I love you, too. Niall had spent the remainder of the opening standing alone in the corner, watching Zayn interact with the other people in the room, fancy people in suits and donning glasses of champagne. He had seen Louis and Liam filtering in and out of rooms with their arms around each other. He had wanted to leave earlier but he was there to support Zayn and leaving because Zayn was angry with him doesn’t sound like something that would play out well when he tried to convince Zayn that he does care. 

When Niall gets to his apartment, he kicks off his shoes and makes his way towards his bedroom, slowly taking off articles of clothing as he walks. He shoves his door open and wiggles out of his pants before diving into bed and curling up under the blankets. He glances at his phone and sees that he has nothing from Zayn or even Harry but rather from Louis saying that he’s coming home alone and they’re going to talk. 

He tosses his phone across the room; it lands with a thud somewhere near his dresser, and pulls the blankets up over his head. He lays in the darkness provided by the night and from his blankets while he waits for his best friend. 

He has no idea how long he’s lying there, whether it’s five minutes or two hours, before he hears the sounds of Louis’ coming home. He can hear keys dropping and Louis’ muffled voice muttering about shoes. It’s a few minutes later before the bed dips next to him and he can feel Louis curling up behind him. Niall rolls over and buries his face into Louis’ neck while Louis wraps his arms around Niall’s slim frame. He breathes deeply into the tanned skin of Louis’ neck and waits for Louis to prompt him to talk. He knows that his friend had caught on to something going on between him and Zayn because Louis had been hopping around for days about how cute the pair would be while Zayn shows off his art and Niall. But that wasn’t what happened and it’s entirely Niall’s fault. 

“Zayn hates me,” Niall admits when the silence becomes too much for him.

“I see, and why is that?”

Niall figures there isn’t any point in beating around the bush when it comes to Louis because if Louis wants to know something than he will find that something out, most likely through Liam and most likely by bribing Liam with sexual favors. “He told me that he loved me and I told him I couldn’t say it back.”

“Did you want to say it back?”

“I can’t say it back, Louis.”

“Actually you can, but you’re choosing not to for obvious reasons. Now if Harry weren’t in the picture would you have said it back to Zayn?”

“Yes,” Niall admits. “But Harry is in the picture and it’s not fair to tell only one or even to tell both of them that I love them.”

“I understand that and I’m sure Zayn does too even if he was mad at you tonight. He knows that you don’t want to hurt either of them, and he understands,” Louis reasons. 

“No,” Niall says as he shakes his head. “He hates me. He walked away from me and didn’t look at me or talk to me. I deserved it though so I’m not angry at him.”

“No he doesn't,” Louis replies. “When you left he told Liam to make sure you were okay. Doesn’t really sound like someone who hates you if you ask me.”

“Well I didn’t ask you,” Niall retorts. He feels bad about snapping but not too bad since Louis is pinching him in the ribs in retaliation. 

They drift into a silence after that and Niall can tell that Louis is calculating his next sentence very carefully because he’s drawing patterns in Niall’s shoulder and muttering quietly under his breath as he works his thoughts together. Niall braces himself for something he knows he needs to hear but doesn’t want to hear. 

“You know you have to pick someone, right?” Louis asks as he strokes the hair on Niall’s neck. “Do you have any idea what you’re going to do?”

“I don’t want to have to pick either of them. I don’t know,” Niall whines. “I thought I wanted Harry, and only Harry but then he left and I got to know Zayn and I started thinking maybe I was wrong to think Harry could be the only person for me. Zayn is amazing but so is Harry. When I’m with them I forget about the other one, not completely, but enough that it makes me question myself. I don’t want to hurt them. I’m going to hurt someone.”

“I’m not trying to make you decide now and I don’t think you should decide now, but don’t you think that you’re only hurting them more by prolonging the inevitable? I don’t know who you should pick, and I wish that there were a way I could decide for you but I can’t. And yeah you’re going to hurt someone but in the end I’ll support you no matter what.”

Niall doesn’t answer instead he nuzzles his face deeper into Louis’ neck and tries not to think about the choices he has to make. 

~~

Niall is lounging on the couch with his feet propped in Louis’ lap when someone begins knocking on their door. Niall rolls off the couch and makes his way across the room to answer it. He looks through the peephole and is surprised to see Harry standing behind it. He yanks the door and sees that it’s not only Harry but also Harry with a giant duffle bag. 

“Hi,” Harry breathes when he sees Niall. He’s standing in his work uniform, minus the hat. “Before you let me in I need to ask if I can stay here for a couple nights. Only two.” He thrusts a piece of green paper out at Niall and says, “my apartment had a gas leak and they want me out of it for the next couple of days. I went to Ed’s but he’s out of town, and I could ask some people from work but we’re not really that close and besides Ed you’re all that I’ve got so I came here. I understand if you don’t want to but asking could never hurt.”

Niall nods his head and looks down at the paper Harry had given him, it’s an official letter from the management of Harry’s building telling him that he needs to vacate the apartment for the next two days while they fix the pipes. 

“They have to turn off the gas and so I won’t have any hot water or be able to use my stove and they said it shouldn’t really take two days but they just want time to make sure it’s okay. The letter explains it all. It was taped to my door and I called my landlord and he said to be out,” Harry rambles as Niall finishes reading the letter. 

Niall feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Louis peering over and reading the paper. Louis reads with him for a minute before pulling the door open wider and motioning for Harry to come inside. Harry’s shoulders sag in relief as he steps into the apartment and drops his bag down in the entrance. 

“I swear that I’ll leave as soon as they’re done.”

“Harry, relax,” Niall says as he closes the front door. “It’s fine.”

“Well you weren’t saying anything so I wasn’t sure.”

Niall bends down and grabs the bag that Harry just dropped. “I’m going to put this in my room.”

“I can sleep on the couch,” Harry says with a shrug. “I don’t want to impose more than I already am.”

“Oh my god, Harry will you shut up?” Niall says with a laugh. “I swear that you’re fine but if you don’t shut up then you’re going to be sleeping in Louis’ room with him and probably Liam.”

“No he won’t,” Louis shouts from inside his bedroom. 

Niall runs down the hallway and throws Harry’s bag onto the floor. When he gets back to the living room Harry is laid out on the couch with a dopey smile spread across his face.

“I’m making myself at home,” Harry explains as he snuggles deeper into the fabric of the furniture. 

“I can see that,” Niall says with a giggle. 

Harry sighs dramatically and throws his arms out in the air and wiggles his fingers around to mimic a child wanting to be held. “Do I have to beg for a cuddle?”

Niall shakes his head and crawls onto the couch next to Harry. He places his head on Harry’s chest and allows Harry to tug him closer and throw his left leg over Niall’s body. He wraps an arm around him and hears Harry sigh happily at the contact. 

“Oh are we having a cuddle?”

Niall shifts his neck as best he can so he can see Louis standing on the other side of the room with a wicked smile on his face. 

“I’m a bit hurt that I wasn’t invited, but that’s okay because I don’t need an invitation to know that every cuddle needs a Louis.”

Louis takes the few steps until he’s next to couch before dropping down and positioning his body so he’s lying completely on top of Harry and Niall almost like a human blanket. Niall feels Harry wiggle his arm out from around him and then sees him throw it over Louis’ back, reaching around to grip onto Niall’s forearm. 

Louis shimmies his body down until he can rest his head on Harry’s chest next to Niall’s so they’re looking at each other, faces only a few inches apart. 

“Look at the three of us,” Harry laughs. “It’s been a long time since the three of us cuddled on this couch.” As soon as the words are out of Harry’s mouth does Niall hear the sound of Daisy meowing before she jumps onto the couch and curls up between Harry’s legs, resting her head against Niall’s shin. 

“Four of us,” Niall corrects. 

“One big happy family,” Louis mutters as he glances over at Niall with a calculating gaze. 

~~

“Harry,” Niall whines as he tries to reach around the taller boy. “Harry, I need to sample that before you put it in the oven. What if you didn’t stir it right?”

“Niall, this is pre-bought cookie dough, there is no way that I could mess this up,” Harry explains as he tries to turn the tray away from Niall. 

“You’re being selfish,” Niall shouts as he jumps on Harry’s back. Harry topples a little with the weight but manages to stay completely upright as Niall swings his arms around in order to get a ball of cookie dough. “I’m starving, if you didn’t want me eating your cookie dough then you should have made lunch.”

“I offered but you wanted to lie on the couch,” Harry replies as he slips the tray into the oven without Niall able to get any of it, and without Niall falling off his back. 

Niall slides off of Harry and pouts like a children at the fact he didn’t get his way. Harry leans down to give him a kiss, which Niall accepts, before he stomps over towards the fridge in search of something to eat. He pulls open the door and immediately spots the tub of cookie dough. “Ha,” Niall shouts as he grabs the tub and bolts out of the living room. He’s not as fast as Harry who catches up and tackles Niall onto the couch. They land with Niall under him, clutching the tub to his chest. Harry sits up and straddles Niall’s waist. “Get off me ya great lump,” Niall shouts. 

Harry giggles and tickles Niall’s ribcage lightly. “Niall, you can’t eat all of that. You’re going to get a stomach ache like that time in sophomore year when you ate an entire container."

Niall pops the lid off the container and sticks his finger inside so he can scoop up a section of dough. He smiles up at Harry when he pulls it out of the container and transfers it to his mouth. 

“You’re a mess,” Harry says with a grin, looking down at Niall. “What am I going to do with you?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders and gets another chunk of cookie out of the container. He holds his hand in front of Harry’s mouth and waits for the other boy to open his mouth. Harry obeys and immediately drops his bottom jaw so Niall can put a chunk of cookie dough inside of it. 

“There,” Niall says once Harry has swallowed the piece in his mouth. “Now you’re as bad as I am.”


	24. Chapter 24

Niall wakes up to the sound of Harry’s voice and the smell of bacon. He blinks his eyes open slowly and sees Harry standing next to the bed with a tray full of breakfast foods, wearing an apron and a smile. 

“I thought you might want breakfast,” Harry says once Niall has gotten his eyes completely open. 

“You thought right, but why aren’t we eating this at the table?” Niall asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“Louis and I woke up before you and we were both hungry so we made the food, right, well then we kind of ate our portions. After eating though we gathered all of what was left and threw it onto this tray and decided that maybe you would like breakfast when you woke up.”

“So I get to eat your table scraps?” Niall asks with a laugh.

“Yes,” Harry agrees with a wide smile. “I wouldn’t call it table scraps because none of this stuff was on our plates. You’re really just eating our excess since we created an abundance of eggs and bacon.”

“You’re so romantic,” Niall says as Harry lowers the tray down onto Niall’s lap. 

“I’m always thinking of you,” Harry comments, crawling back into bed next to Niall. “I also owe you a thank you for letting me stay here. I called my landlord this morning and he said I might be able to come back tonight, meaning that I can get out of your hair quicker.”

“But when you leave whose leftovers will I eat?”

“Oh shut up,” Harry says, leaning over to elbow Niall playfully in the ribs. 

~~

“Oh shit.”

Niall lifts his head off Harry’s shoulder and turns around to see Liam standing in the doorway staring at Niall and Harry sitting on the couch. 

“What’s up, Li?” Niall asks, wondering why his best friends boyfriend looks torn with what to do. He gets his answer soon enough though when Zayn’s body steps inside the apartment behind Liam’s, looking tired and moving slowly. He glances up and instantly makes eye contact with Niall. His eyes scan over the blond before quickly moving on to the curly-haired boy sitting next to him. He takes in the distance between the two, or lack there of, and the way that Harry’s arm is still draped over Niall’s shoulder. He shakes his head before turning around and heading out of the apartment. 

The door makes a quiet click sound when it closes behind Zayn but the sound feels amplified like someone beating a metal spoon against a pan rather than shutting a door due to the silence in the room. Everyone still in the apartment is holding their breath and waiting to see what’s going to happen. Louis is sitting on the chair, biting his lip as he watches Niall; Liam is still standing the door staring at his boyfriend. Niall can feel every eye in the room staring at him and he can’t hear anything other than the sound of his heart beating in his chest and the repeated memory of the sound of the door closing behind Zayn’s retreating figure. He tries to erase the look on Zayn’s face when he first looked up from the ground and the way his features contorted at the sight of Harry and Niall together. Niall feels like the image is burned to his retinas so he brings his hands up and pushes his palms into his eyes, trying to make it stop. 

“Fuck,” Niall breathes as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he continues to push his palms into his eyes. “Fuck.”

“You should go talk to him,” Harry says. 

“What?” Niall asks, removing his hands from his face to give Harry a confused expression. 

“It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there is tension going on between the two of you and he’s obviously not happy right now seeing you with me so go, find him, and talk to him. You have to leave for class in a half hour anyway so just leave earlier and talk to Zayn.”

“Since when were you on Zayn’s side?” Niall asks. 

“I’m not, but if he’s upset then you’re upset and I don’t want that so go,” Harry says, nudging Niall with his elbow. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

Niall nods and jumps off the couch, grabbing his backpack off the floor and slipping on his shoes as he hops out the door. He makes it past Liam before he turns around, runs back to the couch, leans over the back and presses a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Thank you.”

Niall rushes out of the apartment in search of Zayn. He doesn’t have to go far because he finds Zayn sitting on the bench at the park nearby. He’s looking down at his hands that are clasped in his lap. Niall sits down carefully on the wooden surface, facing Zayn and watching the side of his face. 

“Did Harry move back in?” Zayn asks.

“No, he didn’t. His apartment is getting some pipes fixed and Harry doesn’t have many friends and the one he does have is out of town so he came to our apartment. Louis kind of dragged him inside by his shirt,” Niall explains. 

“How long has he been staying there?”

“Two days.”

Zayn nods his head and finally looks up at Niall. “I’m sorry for what I said at the opening. No…I’m not sorry about what I said but I am sorry for making you feel put on the spot and like I was trying to force you into saying it back or like I was pressuring you. It wasn’t fair.”

“Zayn, no please don’t apologize. Please. I fucked up and I reacted poorly. I just can't say it back and it’s not because I don’t feel the same way because I do but I just don’t want to say it and make things harder. It’s just…it’s so fucking hard trying to figure out what to do. I’ve never had anyone acting on their interest for me besides Harry and I don’t know what to do with any of it.”

“You have to decide, Niall, and if in the end you decide that you want to be with Harry then you should know that I’m still going to be here for you. If you choose that you love Harry more or that Harry is who you want to be with then I’ll step back and I’ll be here for you in whatever way you want me to be. If you want me gone and out of your life then I’ll go.”

“Zayn—“ 

“Niall, I love you, and I just need you to know that I’ve always been here for you and I always will be here for you. But I can’t keep being with you while sometimes you’re with me and other times you’re with Harry. I’m sure Harry feels the same way about everything and I don’t want this to sound like I’m forcing you.”

Niall nods. “I know, and I will. I…I’ll figure it out. I will just please be patient with me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I wish there was something easier to do about all of this but I don’t know how.”

“Nothing easy is ever worthwhile,” Zayn reasons. “If your decision is easy then that means it’s probably the wrong one to make. You shouldn’t rush something like this but you can’t keep pulling both Harry and me along. I’d do it until forever or until Harry got bored but I’d really rather you figured this all out. Because I love you and I want to be able to start saying it all the time and hearing it back or figure out a way to make it stop.” 

Niall leans forward and rests his forehead on Zayn’s shoulder, feeling as the other boy drops his head down to rest on his. “I promise I’ll figure this out. I promise.”

~~

Niall gets home from his afternoon classes and finds Harry in his bedroom throwing clothes into his duffle bag, he’s whistling under his breath and bobbing his head to whatever song is playing inside his head. The scene hits Niall deep in his chest and he immediately gets flashbacks to when Harry had packed his bags before without a word only for Niall to find him when he wasn’t supposed to. He watches Harry stuff his work uniform inside his bag and he wants to be sick because Harry wasn’t supposed to leave this time. He wasn’t supposed to leave. 

“What are you doing?” Niall spits out through gritted teeth. It sounds angrier than he intended but he can’t help but let his emotions, to let his insecurities, seep through it. 

Harry jumps and turns around with his hand over his heart as he stares at Niall. “Babe, you scared me. How were your classes?”

Niall squints his eyes at Harry, trying to examine why Harry is acting like nothing is going on. “What are you doing? Were you planning on letting me know that you’re leaving or were you just going to slip out while I was in classes?”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks, looking genuinely confused. 

Niall points towards the duffle bag at the end of his bag and realization seems to hit Harry. “No, no, no, no,” Harry chants. “I wasn’t leaving…well I will be but I was just getting my bag ready so that when I go back to my apartment tonight it wouldn’t take up a lot of time. I was just bored while you were in class so I thought it would keep me preoccupied until you got home. I wasn’t…I’m not leaving.”

Niall feels incredibly guilty as he watches Harry kick his feet out with his eyes cast downward. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” Niall says. “It just…it looked like last time minus the boxes. Shit, I’m so sorry.” Niall steps forward and pulls Harry into a hug, it’s a bit awkward since Niall is on his tippy toes trying to pull Harry down to his level so he can wrap himself around the other boy as much as possible. 

“I’ve had a really off day today, and I shouldn’t have accused you of anything that wasn’t fair.”

“It’s okay,” Harry says. “I mean that's what I did, wasn’t it? I walked out.”

“Harry—“ 

“No Niall I need to get this out,” Harry interrupts. “I know that it hasn’t been easy for you and I know how hard it must have been for you when I left and I’m so fucking sorry that I did it. It was a coward’s move and maybe…maybe I’m a coward but I just let my insecurities get the best of me. Once I was gone though I realized how much I wanted and needed to be with you, I realized how much you wanted and needed to be with me. I shouldn’t have left. I---fuck, I hate myself for doing it. I know you and Zayn must have had a conversation and I don’t want to push you, I’ve never wanted to push you, but I think you need to figure out what is you want,” Harry pauses to take a deep breath. 

“Because I don’t know about Zayn but I can’t keep being with you but not really being with you. I can’t…Niall it’s so fucking easy to fall in love with you and stay in love with you and I can’t blame Zayn for wanting to be with you for so long, and I can’t blame him for wanting to be with you now but it’s getting harder and harder to just be with you. And I mean that in the fact that I want you Niall, 100% of you so if you don’t want that then I really need to know because I love you…so much, and I need to know what to do with those feelings.”

Niall swallows the information and wipes the tears that have formed during Harry’s speech out of his eyes. Harry isn’t as eloquent as Zayn is when it comes to this but after three years of history together Niall knows what he’s trying to tell him. He just knows what it all means and knows what Harry isn’t telling him even when Harry hasn’t laid the words out for him. Harry steps forward and uses the pads of his thumb to wipe the tears out of Niall’s eyes. “I’m going to give you some space and some time, okay?”

Niall nods and let’s out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I’m going to figure it out. I just…give me time?”

“Take all the time you need,” Harry says, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Niall’s forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally decided on an endgame, perfect timing since there is roughly five more chapters left.


	25. Chapter 25

Niall goes to the ice cream parlor for breakfast. 

He gets a three-scoop bowl of pumpkin, fudge and vanilla. Ice cream is said to help those in great distress, and Niall is stressed. He’s wound so tight that his muscles ache under the tension he’s holding them in. 

He finds a table in the back of the parlor, tucked away in a corner so he’s away from the rest of the patrons, but next to a window so he can watch the passersby go about their life. He settles onto the vinyl chair and slowly begins eating the dessert in front of him. 

It’s supposed to be helping him but he finds that he can’t get his thoughts away from Harry and Zayn. He hasn’t spoken to them since he left them a week ago. He shut his phone off and gave Louis his laptop so he would avoid all forms of communication with the pair. It’s hard because he wants to spend every minute with both of them. It’s also conflicting because he wants to spend every minute with both of them. 

He can’t have both. He’ll never have both. He has to let one of them go. As much as it hurts him, and it’ll hurt one of them he has to. 

He has no idea how he can hurt either of them. Harry, beautiful Harry with his caring and charming personality, always helping those that he loves, who loves so deeply and so much that it paralyzes him. Harry who operates through passion and drive, wanting nothing more than to work with animals and teach others the importance of these animals even if that means leave school, leaving Niall to achieve his dreams. He’s funny and tries his best to take care of the people around him. He’s protective and romantic. And Zayn, sweet and wonderful Zayn with his ability to love so deeply that he has to channel into creativity. Zayn who is smart, reading poetry and studying the works of great scholars, he’s strong, having spent years watching the one he loved love someone else. He’s talented in more ways than one with his gift of art and his ability to channel life into a drawing or a painting. He helps others without wanting or expecting anything in return. Zayn who thinks about everyone else first, not asking for much in return, Zayn whose silence is a mask for deep, stimulating thoughts. 

Niall has no idea how he’s going to choose between these two boys when he feels physically torn. He feels like his heart is being pulled in two different directions, holding together with a tiny thread that at any moment could break and leave him lifeless. The only way for Niall’s heart to survive is to take it away from one boy and give it wholly to the other. 

He thinks maybe, just maybe he can find the right person for him if he brushes away the rational part of his mind then his heart will be able to speak to him and tell him what it wants. 

~~ 

“I saw Harry today,” Louis says as he drops down on the couch next to Niall. 

“And?” Niall asks, fiddling with his thumbs as he stares at the wall in front of him. 

“He’s nervous, and scared out of his mind, but he’s good. We talked about everything. He knows that no matter what happens you’ll have made the right decision. You’re smart. We all know it,” Louis says. 

“If I was smart then I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this position in the first place.”

“You mean if you hadn’t have gone out on that date with Harry. You can’t blame him for this.”

“I don’t. I don’t regret that date. I really don’t.”

“Good,” Louis says, crossing his arms over his chest. “It was Zayn’s idea. Both of them are just as much to blame as you are in this entire ordeal so I don’t want you blaming one of them or even yourself. It’s no ones fault that this is happening.”

“I do blame myself though,” Niall says sadly. “I shouldn’t have drug it out as long as I did.”

“If you shouldn’t have then why did you?” 

“It’s really hard,” Niall says, tearing his gaze away from the wall to look at Louis. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been thinking about this for days. I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t deserve either of them.”

“You do though.”

“No,” Niall denies, shaking his head. “They deserve someone who is going to love them and only them not someone who loves two people at the same time.” 

“They both know that you have someone else you care about. And they both know that your feelings for the other aren’t going to immediately vanish. If you choose Harry, he knows that you’re still going to have feelings for Zayn, but he also is going to know that your feelings for him are stronger. If you choose Zayn, he’s going to be understanding in regards to your feelings towards Harry. They both know this isn’t easy for you. Everyone knows that this isn’t easy for you. No one is going to be angry at you for either decision.”

“Lou, I just really don’t want to break anyone’s heart.”

“Niall you can’t think about that when you’re making your decision. You have to sit down and think about you want. Be selfish for a minute and focus on how they make you feel, how badly you want them, how badly you need them. Focus on the boy who you can’t live your life without. You’ll know whom it is when the time comes. Don’t rush anything.”

Niall nods, leaning over so he can rest his head on Louis’ shoulder. He tries to process the information he was just given, wondering how on Earth he got himself into a situation like this. 

~~ 

“Louis said he talked you about Harry so I guess I should talk to you about Zayn,” Liam says. “We’re not trying to pressure you into anything. We both love Harry and Zayn. They’re great guys and either of them would be very lucky to have you.” 

“Thanks, Li,” Niall says, patting the couch to show that it’s okay for Liam to sit down next to him. “So how is he?”

“He’s anxious and a little scared but mostly worried about you,” Liam admits. 

“He shouldn’t be worried about me.”

“Niall, of course he’s going to be. He’s worried how you’re holding up with it all. I’m sure Harry is as well. I’m sure they’re both worried about how you’re doing with all of this.”

“I don’t want them to be worried about me. I’m going to hurt one of them. Why would they care about how I’m holding up when in the end I’m going to break one of their hearts?”

“No matter who you choose Zayn will always want to be apart of your life. If you choose Harry he’ll obviously need a little time to get over you and resolve his feelings but he’s not going to up and leave. He cares about you as a person. I know Harry would be the same way. It won’t be perfect right after it’s all said and done but it’ll get back to working out to where you have both of them in your life. I don’t think either of them wants to let you go permanently, romantically they will have to, but something is better than nothing,” Liam says with a gentle squeeze to Niall’s knee. 

“You know more than anyone that sometimes there is more than one person for someone, neither of them have had a chance to find anyone other than you. I know that no matter whom you choose the other will be okay. If you choose Harry then Zayn will move on and he’ll find someone, he will. Just like if you choose Zayn then Harry will move on and find someone. They’ve both never had to actually move on from you before but now they’ll be forced to. You just have to be patient and give them time.” 

“How do you know that?” Niall asks. “What if one of them only has one someone and it’s me and I choose the other one. You can’t think that there is more than one person out there for everyone.”

“I do though,” Liam says calmly.

“What about you and Louis then? Are you saying that there are more people out there for you besides Louis?”

“Maybe,” Liam says with a shrug. “I don’t think Louis would let me look at anyone else so I’m not sure I’ll ever find out, but before we were together there were other people in our lives. You can’t possibly think that there aren’t more than one person for everyone when you’re in love with two people at the same time.” 

“You’re right,” Niall says with a sigh. “I’m not the only person for them and while I don’t want to picture either of them with someone else it makes me feel better to know they’ll both be okay in the end.”

~~

Niall dangles his feet along the surface of the water, legs slung over the edge of the dock as he watches the sun set below the trees. The water is still, it’s movement ceased except for the same ripples created from insects flying against the surface. The sounds remind him of a nature tape someone would buy at a store to help induce relaxation; birds singing a harmony with the gentle rustle of ducks and geese stretching their wings, water rippling against the rocks, and the steady chirp of the crickets in the grass. 

Everything about the lake this early in the morning is serene and it compels Niall to transfer that energy into himself much like people try to do with the prerecorded sounds on the mix tape that are exactly the same but aren’t raw and in the moment. Niall is experiencing these things first hand and it’s what his body needs. 

It’s been two weeks since he last saw or spoke with Zayn or Harry. He’s had plenty of time to mull over the relationships in his head. He’s thought about each boy down to their core and the way his body, mind and spirit reacts to these boys. 

He knows that he’s made the right choice for himself. It might not be the best choice for anyone else but after talking with Liam and Louis he figured out that it doesn’t matter what other people desire in a situation like this because he needs to be selfish and focus on who he wants, who he needs. If he chooses someone based on what other people want then he’ll never be happy. He’ll never work with either of them. 

It’s difficult loving two people at once, but sometimes life takes turns that you’re not expecting and throws curveballs that you weren’t expecting and it takes your life in a different direction. Niall had never anticipated he would break up with Harry, he thought they were forever. He had never expected to fall in love with someone as amazing as Zayn when his heart had just been broken and being able to experience the wonder that is the dark haired boy. He never thought that he would find Harry back in his life, or that he would still feel just as much love for the boy who originally took his heart. 

Niall never knew that he could love two people at once but that’s where he finds his heart, broken into pieces that are share by two very different people. 

Niall watches the sun drop down below the horizon line, picking himself up of the dock and slipping his shoes back on so he can make his way back home. He cuts through the winding path of the trees so he can find the road that will lead him back home. 

Niall leaves the lake and knows that deep in his heart he’s made the right choice. It took a while for his brain to catch the information that his heart was giving him, but he finally got it. He knows that he’s made his choice. 

~~ 

Niall drifts off to sleep knowing that tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest days of his life.


	26. Chapter 26

“Are you ready for this?” 

“No,” Niall says in response to Louis, looking over towards his best friend who is curled up next to Louis on the couch. “But I have to be.”

“Are you going to tell us what’s going to happen?” Liam asks. 

“No, sorry. I don’t think it’s fair that other people know what’s going on before they do. I mean if it were you would want someone else talking about you this way with other people?”

“No, but I’m nosey,” Liam says with a shrug. 

“Do you know where I can find them?” Niall asks, not wanting to text either of the two incase he chooses to see one second and they’re forced to wait. He doesn’t want to leave anyone in more anticipation and suspense then they’re already feeling. 

“Zayn went to his studio this morning,” Liam supplies. 

“I think Harry is at his apartment. He told me last night that he had the day off so he didn’t want to go out. I’m sure he’ll be there,” Louis says with a shrug. 

Niall nods, pulling his shoes onto his feet. “I guess I’m leaving. I’ll see you two later. Can you stay here? I don’t want to bump into you guys by accident when I’m doing this.”

“Are you joking? We have the apartment to ourselves we’re not leaving,” Louis says. 

Niall pulls on a jacket and takes a deep breath. “Fuck, okay. Well I’m leaving.”

“Niall wait,” Louis says, pulling himself off the couch and making his way over towards Niall. 

“Louis, I really need to get this over with before I get cold feet and hide in my room for the rest of my life.” 

“I know I won’t be long. I just wanted you to know that whatever happens, whatever choice you make that I’m behind you on it. If you come back here tomorrow morning with Harry then I’ll stand by you. Liam will too. We both want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy then go and be happy. But if tomorrow morning you come home with Zayn then Liam and I will still stand by you just the same. Your happiness matters most to me and I don’t care which boy brings you that happiness. You deserve your someone, you deserve your Liam,” Louis whispers at a volume that only Niall can hear. 

“Thanks, Lou,” Niall says as he wraps his around the back of Louis’ neck, leaning forward to knock their foreheads together. “I think I’ve figured it out.” 

“Good,” Louis whispers. “You’ll know when you tell them. You’ll feel it.” 

“I hope so. How is this my life right now?” Niall asks. “Don’t answer that. I’m leaving.” Niall pulls away from Louis and takes a deep breath before turning around to leave. 

“Go find your Liam,” Louis says. 

As Niall’s pulling the door closed he hears, “Did you just tell him to go find his Liam?” 

“Shut up, Liam.”

~~ 

Niall follows the familiar path to the art building where Liam said Zayn would be. He feels his fingers shaking in little tremors as he carries the coffees he stopped to get them. He tries to formulate words in his head that he wants to say to Harry and Zayn, but mostly Zayn since he’s finding him first. He tries to remember the thought process he went through when he was making his decision. 

It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy. Niall doesn’t think this day in his life will ever be in a top ten category of moments he would like to relive. He wants to make it through the day and figure out a way to do as little damage as possible to the two boys he’s had to choose between. 

Niall sees the numbers on the doors getting higher until he sees 212. He takes a deep breath and pushes the door open and goes over to the one marked B, knowing that Zayn is behind it. He peeks through the little window and sees Zayn with his headphones on and working on one of his large paintings. 

He taps on the door before he pushes it open. Zayn is pulling off his headphones when Niall enters. 

“I brought you some coffee,” Niall says, stepping forward and pushing one of the paper-to-go cups into Zayn’s hand. “I think I got it done the way you like but I got there and kind of blanked. I couldn’t even remember my own order.” 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Zayn says taking the cup. “Thank you.”

Niall watches him take a few careful sips, trying not to burn his tongue on the heat. Niall looks behind Zayn at the canvas he was painting on when he walked in. It’s filled with purples and whites, swirling around in board strokes of paint. It looks nothing like the work Niall has seen before. 

“What are you painting?” Niall asks.

“I wanted to try something new so I set the portraits aside to work on some abstraction. It’s mostly conceptual,” Zayn replies with a shrug. “It’s in the beginning stages so it’s not that good.” 

“It’s beautiful,” Niall says. 

Zayn smiles and nods as he takes another sip of his coffee. 

“I’ve done a lot of thinking this week,” Niall says, not wanting to have any small talk and force Zayn into being tortured to wait any longer. “I thought about you and everything that’s happened to us. Every word you’ve ever said, every touch, every look, everything. I’ve replayed it all in my head like a movie, reliving it all. But I thought about Harry and I relived it all with him, or the current part. I didn’t want to think about the three years where I didn’t have you. It didn’t seem fair because even though I didn’t know it, you loved me just as long as Harry has. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to comprehend how I got the attention of two amazingly wonderful boys but I did and I had to choose. Don’t I? I don’t want to but I do and I did.” 

“I did a lot of thinking this week too,” Zayn says, cutting Niall off from being able to go into any more details. “I thought about what would happen if you chose Harry, and I can’t speak for any time in the near future because I don’t think I can be around you. At first. I’d need time. But I love you too much to throw away any kind of friendship we could have if you go with Harry. I know he’ll take care of you; he did a pretty good job of it for three years. I know because I watched you too together for so long. What I’m trying to say is I know, even if you don’t that everything will be okay no matter how much it feels like it can’t be right now that you’re about to tell me what I’m terrified of finding out. But if you tell me that you want to be just friends then I’ll be your friend. I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I’d be anything for you even if you want me to be non-existent in your life; I would do that…for you.

So you should just know that if you pick Harry then I’ll step aside and I won’t get in the way of you two, no matter how much I’d want to. And even if you lose sight of me for a few weeks or a few months I’ll come back. I’ll always come back to you.” 

Niall bites his lip, trying to fight back the tears in his eyes at Zayn’s words. A part of Niall wishes that Zayn wasn’t so reasonably perfect especially when he has to say, “I’m happy to hear that you’re not going anywhere because I made my decision and I know what I want and what I have to do.”

“Yeah?” Zayn asks, trying to keep his voice steady. Niall can hear the vibrations in his throat as he talks, knows that Zayn is trying to remain calm. 

“I did, and I guess you already know since I came here first?”

Zayn nods and quickly rubs his hand over his cheek. 

Niall steps forward and makes his way over towards Zayn. He stops in front of Zayn, and leans forward and presses a kiss to Zayn’s cheek. “You’re the brightest star in my sky.”

Niall pulls away and sees Zayn’s eyes watering, his chest rising and falling in quick succession as he tries to smile at Niall. It’s a sad smile, the most heartbreaking one Niall has ever seen. 

He turns away quickly; not wanting to see Zayn like this and makes his way back for the door. He stops, takes a deep breath and looks back to say, “I’ll be seeing you, Zayn.”

~~~

Niall makes his way towards Harry’s apartment, ignoring the pull in his gut, and the ache in his chest as he thinks about the way Zayn pulled in on himself, and how his eyes watered up. 

It’s the last thing Niall wanted, to hurt anyone, but he knew it would come to this no matter what happened. He knew that at the end of the day hearts would be broken and tears would be shed. It’s a part of life, maybe not the best part but it’s something everyone has to go through and live with. 

The image of Zayn holding back tears and trying to remain composed will be forever imprinted onto his brain. 

~~~

Niall takes a deep breath before bringing his first up to Harry’s door, knocking two times before dropping it back to his side. He hears shuffling followed by the sound of Harry’s voice shouting that he’s coming. 

Niall feels the nerves returning to his body as he waits the few seconds for Harry to pull the door open, and when he does he hears, “oh.” 

Harry’s wearing a pair of old ratty sweats and a beanie on his head, nothing else. His hair is messy and a little greasy, showing he hasn’t bothered to take a shower yet. Niall appreciates the soft, comfortable Harry. 

“I didn’t know you were coming today. I would have bathed,” Harry says, waving his hand around and pointing towards his body and his hair. 

“I’ve just been to see Zayn,” Niall says as he steps inside of Harry’s apartment. He kicks his shoes off and lets Harry pull his jacket off his shoulders. “I was in his studio all day.” 

“Oh. Do you want some tea?” Harry asks, knowing that whatever Niall said to Zayn or whatever he’s going to say with him something to comfort him and he’s going to want a moment to get his head together. 

Niall nods his head and follows Harry into the kitchen. He sits at the small table and watches as Harry putters around, filling a small kettle and sticking it onto the stovetop. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “Not yet. I need. I just need a moment.”

Harry nods his head and turns back towards the stove waiting for the telltale whistle to let him know the water is done. 

Niall uses the time to process everything that’s floating around in his head. He can’t talk to Harry when he feels like he can’t form on a sentence on what he wants to tell Harry. It’s the same feeling he got when he was about to tell Zayn but damn him if it wasn’t harder because Zayn’s never been so open with his emotions before and seeing him letting out tears and shaky breaths wasn’t something Niall ever expected to see. Harry’s always been the one out of the two of them to wear his heart and emotions on his sleeve. 

The kettle blows and Niall knows he only has a few more minutes of silence before he should give Harry an explanation. He braces himself when Harry turns around with two cups in his hands, setting one down in front of Niall before sitting in the seat across from him. 

Niall picks up the cup, blowing across the surface and watching Harry before he says, “I, um, obviously figured out what I want or who I want…or whatever.”

“I guess that’s what you were talking to Zayn about?” Harry asks and Niall nods. “Well what did you figure out?”

“I thought about it. I thought about who I see my life with and who I can imagine being with. I had to think about everything, every emotion, every feeling, every memory that’s compressed deep in my body for the two of you. I love both of you, I do. There isn’t anything not to love or care about when it comes to you two. I don’t deserve either of you, but I’m so…I’m so fucking lucky that the two of you want me.” Niall pauses, taking a deep breath and says, “I fought over this decision for two weeks and I think, well I know that I’ve made my decision, and that it’s the right decision.”

Niall looks up from his cup of tea and sees Harry trying to bring his cup up to his mouth, struggling to stop his hands from shaking. He’s nervous, Niall can tell. 

“You deserve the world, Niall, and I know that whatever choice you made that you’re making the right one. But I just want you to know no matter what that I don’t want to be without you, ever, yeah? Even if it’s just friends, I’ll be okay with that over time. You’re my best friend, Niall. You always have been and I love you, but before you tell me what you decided I want you to know that there are no hard feelings,” Harry pauses to take a deep breath and then adds, “So now that you know that I, well, I’m ready for whatever you have to tell me.”

Niall processes Harry’s words and feels…so utterly depressed that everyone is so understanding about this entire thing, everyone in Niall’s life, and none of them should be. 

“Why are you so sweet?” Niall hears himself asking. 

Harry shrugs his shoulders and offers a small smile. “You’re not the only person in the world who has ever been torn between two people, and you won’t be the last. You don’t deserve to be chewed apart about it. Besides that would probably throw me out of the running,” Harry adds with a wink. 

“It wouldn’t. I’m happy, and comfortable with you, Harry. I feel safe, and I know that I should be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters.


	27. Chapter 27

“You should what?” Harry asks, mouth dropping open, the cup on its way to his mouth suspended in the air as his body freezes. 

Niall swallows, feeling the words in his mouth. He hadn’t meant to spill it quite like that. He had wanted to recite to Harry words that would leave him speechless and could possible woo him into knowing how serious Niall is about this. He wanted Harry to know that he felt more than just happy and safe and comfortable with Harry. He wanted to him know that he felt everything with him. He’s always been Harry’s and Harry has always been his. 

“I said I know that I should be with you.” 

The sound that follows is Harry yelping out a curse as his teacup crashes onto the floor and shatters. Harry jerks into a stand, the front of his pants soaked with his tea. 

“Shit,” Harry says, reaching for a hand towel so he can dab at the soaked fabric on his body. “Um, stay over there, there is a lot of glass. Shit, my mom bought me those cups.”

Niall snatches some napkins off the table and kneels down onto the floor and begins trying to soak up the liquid. There isn’t much, and the shards from the cut are large enough to gather without any serious injuries. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” Harry says, kneeling down next to Niall and gathering up the pieces of the cup. 

“I can clean up without getting hurt. I’m not a child,” Niall says with a smile. 

Harry says, nodding his head as he passes Niall another napkin. “It’s all your fault it broke anyway.” 

“How is it my fault?”

“Don’t tell me things when I’m trying to take a drink. Now, don’t tell me anything else until I throw these away because who knows what kind of damage these can cause.”

Niall mimes zipping his lips up as he dabs at the floor. The spill is completely cleaned now, only have a few little droplets left. Niall hears a bang and a groan, glancing up to see Harry clutching the top of his head and pouting at the table. Niall barks out a laugh at the realization that Harry banged his head on the table when he tried to stand up. 

Niall continues laughing and Harry directs his pout from the table to Niall. 

“It’s not funny,” Harry whines, standing up properly and throwing the remains of the cup in the trash. 

Niall follows his motions, throwing away the soiled napkins before reaching up and running his fingers along the back of Harry’s head where he hit his head on the table. Harry’s eyes drift closed as he pushes his head into Niall’s hand, silently begging him to keep up with the motion. Niall continues to stroke through his hair for a few more minutes before Harry pulls away, turning around and pressing a kiss to Niall’s palm. 

“I need to go change out of these wet clothes, and then we’re going to talk, okay?”

Niall smiles, nods his head, and watches as Harry retreats out of the kitchen. 

~~ 

It takes Harry longer than Niall expected but when he comes back out he’s fully clothed this time, wearing a shirt and pants and even socks. He settles in on the couch next to Niall, not close enough to fully touch but close enough that their knees knock together when they turn and sit to face one another. Harry still looks worried about what Niall has to tell him, he’s insecure when it comes to these kinds of things, but Niall can see an ounce of hope in his eyes. 

“So,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “What were you going to tell me?”

“I pretty much told you what I came to tell you. I chose you, I guess. I don’t like saying I chose anyone, because it sounds so degrading to both of you, but either way I picked you. I should, and want to be with you.”

“That’s…fuck, that’s amazing. I mean I guess I showed you that when I dumped my hot tea on my lap, but incase, um, incase you didn’t catch on.”

“I did. I…it was cute.”

“I mean, like, fuck, but you’re being serious right? You’re not…I mean, this isn’t a joke or anything?”

“It’s not a joke. Why don’t you believe it?” Niall asks. 

“I just thought you would choose Zayn,” Harry admits. “I just…yeah, just doesn’t feel real. I thought for sure you would go for him.”

“I thought about it, obviously, but the more I thought about it the more I realized what I really wanted. If you had asked me to choose immediately then I probably would have said Zayn, because on the surface that seems like the right answer, right?” 

Harry shakes his head. 

“Right, well it just sounds better because you already broke up with me and why should I give you another chance, but that’s not me. I’m not the type of person to hold something like that against someone and the more I thought about my relationship with Zayn the more realized how much you were in it,” Niall says. 

“What does that mean?” Harry asks. 

“I mean if we had stayed together then Zayn and I would have just stayed friends, because he’s not the type of person to ruin a relationship and someone else’s happiness for his own. But we broke up and Zayn was there for me, and he wasn’t doing it to try and make me fall for him, but I needed someone that wasn’t like you around me. Louis is, in so many ways, just like you, and he was so angry. I just needed someone that wouldn’t berate you or the situation, and that was Zayn. But throughout the beginning of us talking it was all about me trying to get over you, and then I was almost there and you came back. I never got over you, Harry. 

I tried so hard and maybe I could have if you hadn’t have come back or if you had waited longer, but it didn’t happen. I spent so long trying to move on, and to make myself fall in love with Zayn, and I did, but not in the way that I love you. And I realized that if I chose Zayn then part of our relationship, again, would be me trying to get over you, and that’s not very fair is it?”

“No, it’s not,” Harry says. “I just…I just can’t believe it, you know? Louis and I we talked about it, yeah? And we kept talking about what we thought would happen, and why we thought that it should be me, but then we both kind of realized why shouldn’t it be Zayn? We both forgot there was someone else in the picture and it just seemed…it just felt like he was the one you were going for.” 

“Zayn’s amazing, and I know that after all of this that we’re going to amazing friends, he’ll probably be my best friend with you and Louis, but in a romantic relationship he’s just…we’re better as friends. I trust him, and I know that he’ll help me through anything, but he’s not…we didn’t laugh. We didn’t have fun and play like we do. I hate comparing the two of you but in something like this you have to, right?

I thought about this so hard and for so long and it just…it makes sense. We always had your dad behind him telling us that we couldn’t do it, and he hated us together, but that never stopped us. We’re bulletproof when it comes to things like that. But most importantly you make me laugh, and it’s always been you so it’s always going to be you,” Niall says.

“So does this mean that I can kiss you?” Harry asks, biting on his bottom lip and smiling at Niall. 

“Yeah, always,” Niall says right before Harry’s lips connect to his. 

~~ 

Niall spends the next two days with Harry locked inside his little apartment talking about everything that happened before they broke up, and what happened when they were apart. Niall made Harry tell him about his insecurities and the doubts he had about himself that stemmed into doubts about his relationship. He wanted to get everything out and in the air so this time around there wouldn’t be a moment where Harry doubts anything and feels like he has to flee. Niall tells him about being with Zayn, because he doesn’t want Harry to ever think back and wonder about what had happened, and how he had felt when it came to Zayn. 

He doesn’t want Harry to ever have a moment in his mind again where he thinks Niall couldn’t possibly want him, because as far as Niall’s concerned Harry is forever. 

They spend the two days reuniting and remembering what brought them together in the first place, but after two days Niall knows that he has to go home and see Louis. He brings Harry with him, holding his hand as they walk back to his apartment, and everything feels…right. Niall feels weight and guilt lifted off of his shoulders because now he can hold someone’s hand and not have to worry about whose hand he’ll be holding tomorrow, because there is only one boy in his life now, Harry. 

Niall unlocks the door, pushing it open and walking through. He’s barely through the entryway before a solid weight crashes into him. It’s Louis, of course it’s Louis, and he’s holding onto Niall tightly, pinning him down to the ground. 

“You harlot,” Louis says after shifting them around so they’re on the ground. “I thought we agreed that you would come home the morning after and not make me wait weeks to figure out your decision.”

“It wasn’t weeks,” Niall says, struggling under Louis’ weight. 

“Liam,” Louis says, looking up and into the living room. “Tell Niall how long it was.”

Niall hears Liam sigh and then, “It wasn’t weeks, but it felt like weeks.”

“I was tortured,” Louis shouts. “But I see you brought me my favorite kitten so maybe I can forgive since now I’ve got someone to play with. Liam tried to make me do a puzzle.” 

“A puzzle?” Harry asks, kneeling down on the floor before lying down beside them. 

“He wanted to do something romantic,” Louis explains. “I think he saw on television how people were cuddling up in front of fire and completing a puzzle and he wanted to try.”

“How did that turn out?” Harry asks, leaning up to prop his head in his hand. 

“I threw the pieces off the table and pushed Liam on top of it,” Louis replies with a smirk. 

“Get off me,” Niall shouts, pushing at Louis. “If you two idiots want to lay on the floor then do it without me. I’m going to go sit on the couch with Liam, that’s where normal people like to sit and talk. You’re both weird and horrible and get off me!” 

“You’re such a diva,” Louis says, rolling his eyes. He climbs off a Niall and instantly latches onto Harry. “Let’s discuss what happened since I know Niall won’t tell me a thing. He’s useless.” 

Niall rolls his eyes, pushing himself off the ground and marching over to Liam with a huff. He drops on the couch and listens as Harry whispers to Louis everything that happened over the last few days. 

Niall doesn’t allow himself to ask about Zayn, he wants to, but he makes an effort to keep to himself about it all. But he knows when he looks to Liam and sees the soft smile and the short nod of his head that Zayn is okay, maybe right this second, but he will be. 

~~ 

Niall watches as Harry crawls on top of him, pull sheet up over them. He feels Harry’s fingers sliding down his abdomen and stopping on his bare hips for just a second before continuing downward. Every nerve in his body feels like it’s aflame as Harry grips onto him and begins to slowly stroke his hand up and down, up and down until Niall feels his breath catching in his throat. 

“Are you sure about this?” Harry asks, dropping his head down into Niall’s neck. Niall can feel the sweat that’s formed on his forehead, feels his body shaking as he puts his weight down on top of Niall’s. “Are you sure about me?”

Niall’s head is still spinning, and his body is shaking from…from everything that’s Harry, and he knows deep inside of him, straight into his core, into his heart, that Harry is it. He tries to control his breathing as Harry pulls his hand away from his body, he’s still panting when he says, “Of course, absolutely. Always. Just you, yeah?”

Harry nods his head, pulling it out of Niall’s neck so he can kiss him slowly.


	28. Chapter 28

SIX MONTHS LATER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Niall follows Harry into the party, letting Harry hold onto his hand and pull him through as he waves to the people that he knows. It’s his final party at university and he’ll never see these people again, most of them anyway and he wants to make sure that everyone at least gets a little wave from him. The thought seems absurd but then again he did have a beer or two or three with Louis before Harry and Liam came to get them. It’s only necessary to do celebratory drinks once they’re finished with school, and it’s Harry’s fault he was at work and couldn’t make it, and Liam’s fault he was still in a final and they couldn’t join in for drinks. 

He sees Louis in the corner, pressed against Liam, his face tucked into his shoulder as Liam talks to someone Niall recognizes from the track team. It’ll never stop amazing Niall how Liam can carry out conversations with other people while Louis is chewing on his neck, trying to get his attention. Or maybe it’s even more amazing that people continue to try to talk to Liam when Louis is around, because Louis is a little shit and always has to have some part of Liam’s attention, especially when they’ve thrown alcohol into the mix. Liam sees them and smiles, offering no more of a greeting than that. 

Niall also sees Zayn, sitting on the couch across the room with Leigh-Anne in his lap, twirling his fingers through her curls as they talk to a group of girls that Niall knows Leigh-Anne is friends with. He only remembers one of their names, obviously he remembers Leigh’s name, but he also knows the other one with the light brown hair that used to be almost purple and then blue, Niall can’t keep up with all, but tonight it’s brown and that’s what matters. He recognizes her because she’s been staying at Zayn and Leigh-Anne’s place in Liam’s old room that has been vacant since he officially moved in with Niall, and Louis, and of course Harry who moved in three months after Niall chose him. 

Zayn had met Leigh-Anne shortly after he and Niall ended. She had been in attendance at his last gallery showing with all the portraits and fell in love with his work, and wanted to meet the artist. Niall had been wary of her at first, untrusting but curious, because she had come out of nowhere. Well, not literally nowhere, but it had taken him and Zayn two months before they were back on speaking terms and a month and a half after that he had showed up to Niall’s apartment for their weekly movie night with the other boys with Leigh-Anne following behind him. It was the end of boy’s moving night and the beginning of couple’s movie night.

When he first met Leigh she was giddy, with a wide smile and big hair made up of tight curls that bounced when she walked and Louis couldn’t stop touching because when he pulled on them and let go they’d immediately spring back into a perfect spiral. She matched every joke they threw at her and managed to make Zayn come out of his shell in a way that Niall never could, and he knows he would never be able to.

And then three months after that she and Zayn were moving in together, and Niall’s…he’s so fucking happy for them that he could burst, because his main concern after everything happened was to make sure that Zayn would be okay. He made sure to not prance his relationship with Harry around incase Zayn would notice, but the dark haired boy has been nothing but supportive even if in the beginning it was a bit forced. 

But their relationship is better this way. They go out to lunch and talk about life, and vent about school and work load and sometimes they’ll talk about their partners. At first it was awkward, hearing about how nervous Zayn was to have sex with her, or for Zayn to hear about how insatiable Harry is some days when it comes to sex and how on other days all he wants to do is cuddle. But they managed to work through the awkward phase, and Niall thanks the heavens above for being blessed with someone like Zayn Malik in his life, because he’s one of the best friends that Niall’s ever had. 

He watches Leigh-Anne and Zayn for a moment, before he turns back to Harry with a smile. “I want a drink,” he states, glancing around at everyone’s cups and wondering why he doesn't have one yet. 

“I’m going to assume that’s a request for me to get one?” Harry asks with an amused smirk.

“Pretty please,” Niall begs, leaning up and kissing Harry. “You can get yourself one too.” 

“You’re so generous. Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Niall watches him go, admiring the long expansion of Harry’s back, and thinking about how much he loves the other boy. He and Harry, they’ve worked hard to make things as right as they are now. They talk, and have an open dialogue about concerns and insecurities, because they happen in every relationship but it’s important to discuss them rather than hide them away. They talk about what the other one is feeling instantly, and then Louis had come up with what he assured was a genius idea of a dialogue night, where they go out on a date and tell each other everything and anything. Louis had seen it in a movie, and said it worked wonders for that couple so naturally it was bound to work for Niall and Harry since Harry has a tendency to keep everything bottled up and hidden away. It makes Niall feel like they’re married, but now Harry doesn’t overreact and over analyze the things that bother him, which is the only reason Niall continues to do it. That and afterwards Harry will do anything Niall wants him to do to him. And that…well, that’s enough to make Niall listen to Louis’ ridiculous ideas.  
Niall scans the party for other people he might know, someone he can talk to while Harry is away and getting their drinks. He sees a boy from one of his classes, but he has his mouth attached to someone else’s and doesn’t think that he should interrupt. He hears his name being called and turns around to see Zayn and Leigh-Anne approaching. 

“Hi, Niall,” Leigh-Anne says, stepping forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “How are you?”

“Always good, you look great,” Niall says in response, admiring the black and white dress she’s wearing. He glances up and sees the way Zayn is smiling down at her. “Are you two still going to come over next week? Louis wants us all to get together one more time before everyone goes off and does things for summer.”

“Of course,” she says, leaning into Zayn’s side. “We’re leaving at the end of the month. This one here wants to travel around for a few weeks. We’re going to see loads of boring museums.” 

“And loads of boring beaches and shops,” Zayn replies, smiling at Leigh when she turns to give him a look. “What are you and Harry doing for the break?” 

“We’re staying here,” Harry says, appearing next to Niall and handing him his drink that he went off to get. “We’re both officially moving here and no longer going to spend time apart at our parents houses. Louis and Liam are going to be gone for half the summer on some kind of lovers retreat or whatever Louis is calling it so we have the apartment to ourselves for once.” 

“I still can’t believe all four of you boys live in that apartment. Two couples under one roof,” Leigh-Anne says, shaking her head. “I know Jade gets tired of us. I can only imagine how you four feel.” 

“Jade loves you two,” Niall says. 

“No she doesn’t,” Zayn says with a laugh. “She’s been applying for new apartments since she moved in with us.” 

“Liam’s room is probably haunted by Louis, or some extension of him at least. He probably put a curse on it so no other boys can enter it,” Harry replies, smiling over the brim of his cup. “Speak of the devil, Niall don’t you think we should stop him from putting his hand down Liam’s pants?”

Niall glances over and sees Liam pressed against the wall, a strained expression on his face as he struggles under the grips of a drunk Louis whose hands are getting lower and lower on Liam’s abdomen. “Shit,” Niall curses. “We’ll see you next week.” 

Niall makes it to Louis before he’s able to work his hand inside of Louis boxers, much to the dismay of Louis, and the relief of Liam. 

~~ 

“I hate them, they’re spoil sports and they ruined my night,” Louis says as Liam coaxes him into their bedroom. “I don’t like anyone, Liam. I like you, Liam. I do.” 

Niall hears Liam sigh before he hears the sound of their door being closed. 

“You ruined his night,” Harry says, following behind him, chuckling as he says it. “You’re a monster sometimes, aren’t you?” 

“I’d reckon so,” Niall says, pulling Harry into their bedroom and closing the door behind them. “I’m not sorry though. I don’t care school is over, but I’m not having us banned from another person’s parties because Louis doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself, and Liam doesn’t know when is the best time to make Louis stop. They’re hopeless.” 

Harry nods his head, pulling his clothes off and stumbling into bed in his underwear. “Hopeless, but they’re also the ones having sex.” 

Niall shrugs out of his own clothes, pulling on one of Harry’s t-shirts before crawling into bed with Harry. He can hear Louis’ moaning through the walls, no doubt trying to be loud to make Harry and Niall as angry as he is. “They’re also disgusting,” Niall shouts, banging his fist against the wall before getting under the blankets. 

Harry slides in next to Niall, bring their bodies flush together, and wrapping his arms and legs around Niall. Niall adjusts the pillow behind his head before wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. It’s always nice to just lie down and not have to focus on anything other than just being with Harry. He doesn’t want anything other than to just be with Harry. Well, no. He wants a lot of things, but most of them have to do with Harry. But one of them isn’t having a cuddle while two of their friends are having sex in the room next to theirs. 

“We need a place of our own,” Niall says after a particularly loud moan. “I like it here, because we’ve always been here, but I want to save up for a house or an apartment we can have for just the two of us. No Louis and Liam.” 

Harry nods, curling closer to Niall. “Isn’t that why we’re all here? To save money on rent so we can all save up and afford our own places?” 

“Well yeah,” Niall agrees. “But, I mean I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” 

“Well I’m the only one with a real job,” Harry says, smiling against Niall’s skin. Harry has finished his internship and was offered a permanent position at the zoo, something with the animals instead of teaching children. It’s not what Harry wants, but he’s getting there. 

Niall nudges Harry with his elbow and says, “I’ve got that temporary job with the paper, that’s money. And Liam is working for that magazine, the one that writes those articles about local sports. And Louis is has a student teaching position, even though he’s no longer a student, which I don’t really understand, because wouldn’t that just be like a temp or something? Or a little helper? What are the little helpers called?”

“They’re called stop talking and let’s not discuss Louis while he’s moaning through the dry wall. Let’s go back to our future, okay?”

“Our future,” Niall parrots. “With a house, and Daisy.” 

“And each other,” Harry says. 

“Yeah, each other.” 

“And maybe,” Harry says, reaching down and moving his fingers along Niall’s stomach. “Maybe in the future we’ll have a dog too, or another cat, and maybe like kids.” 

Niall thinks about it, imagining Harry with a little girl in a pink dress in their forever home, and maybe Niall with a little boy. It’s easy to imagine, a life with Harry, because it’s the one he knows he always wanted. He wants the family with Harry. He wants a forever with him. 

“We can do that,” Niall says, pulling Harry closer. “But for now it’s going to be us, and we can talk about the rest of it later, okay?”

“As long as you’ll be there,” Harry says, tilting his head up to look at Niall.

Niall doesn’t answer with words, instead he leans down and presses his lips against Harry’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that took the time to read this, and thank you to everyone who supported me along the way. Some people were angry I chose Narry, and some people are angry I decided against changing it, but I can't make everyone happy, and I'm sorry about that. But thank you to everyone who has stuck with me on this one. I really appreciate it.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](http://www.alnimawrites.tumblr.com) if you want to yell at me about this or anything :).


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